ed note: This article was originally published on December 7th, 2015

The pre-Christmas Day season of Advent is upon us. Here at SeedSing we love the chocolaty goodness of getting a piece of candy once a day until we get to open our presents. As our gift to you we will present a new awesome holiday song for every day of Advent. This is the greatest music of the season. Enjoy.

Day 7: The Man in the Santa Suit by Fountains of Wayne

Opened Doors: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six

I am embarrassed to know how much actual money Santa makes, and that real beard Santa makes the most money (nothing celebrates the season by shamelessly ripping off the great film Snowpiercer). I have this knowledge because my first professional job was to book performers for parties, including Santa. Many the performers I worked with were semi-normal, professional people. In the sea of clowns, magicians, and Elvis impersonators, the Santas were not quite as normal.  There was an air of desperation and sadness to the group. I paid Santa well, but money does not always buy jolliness. My theory was that these men could only make really good money a few weeks out of the year. To make this extra income these men had to endure a grueling gauntlet of uncooperative kids, demanding parents, and childless adult idiots that wanted themselves (and their dogs) to sit on Santa's lap. I paid Santa well because he had a tough and thankless job.

Fountains of Wayne, one of the Greatest American Bands, included "The Man in the Santa Suit" on their 2005 B-sides double album Out of State Plates. The tune perfectly captures the sad inner life of a mall Santa. Starting with the acknowledgment of "Santa" being a union laborer with a significant other who works at the hair salon. Mr. and Mrs. Claus seemingly live paycheck to paycheck. There is no holiday spirit to uplift Fountains of Wayne's protagonist, he just needs the money. What follows is a list of troubles Santa always has during the Christmas season. There are snot nosed kids who make fun of Santa's appearance (if that Jerry Garcia beard is real, Santa is making double this year), younger kids are throwing up on Jolly Old Saint Mall Nick, and all the older kids are commenting on Santa's beer for breakfast. Being  Santa is not as joyous as popular culture may have led us to believe. 

Santa's troubles are not just with the kids. The fellows at the local tavern also get on Santa's case. After a day of dealing with kids, barf, and attitude, Santa gets called names by the grownups. The world is filled with superficial jerks, and Santa is not immune to their attacks. Being overweight and harry in December may pay some bills, but it does not get one away from ridicule. The cruelty of people does not take a holiday during Christmastime.

"The Man in the Santa Suit" is on point for why any grown man would go through these troubles, it is all about the money. The name calling, the kids, the indignity of it all is worth the money. Fountains of Wayne's protagonist is zen about his current place in the world. He is getting paid for his looks. That is the hairy fat man's victory. He needs the money, and he has an opportunity to enhance his bank account. The bills will be paid up in Santa and Loretta's house this December. Merry Christmas to them.

On your way to the mall give "The Man in the Santa Suit" a listen. Understand what Jolly Old Saint Mall Nick is going through. Be nice to Santa. Every man who puts on the red suit this year will deal with more trouble than any one person deserves. In November my office used to be a revolving door of chubby hairy men looking for work. In January I was being sent a lot of small gifts as thanks. I paid Santa, and Santa needed the money. Santa deserved the money.

RD Kulik

RD is the Head Editor for SeedSing. He is chubby enough to be Santa, but his jolliness needs some work. Any Santas out their that want to give us a gift - Support SeedSing.