So, my wife and I watched "Sharknado 5: Global Swarming" yesterday, and all I have to say about this pile of garbage is why? That is the universal why? Why are they still making these? Why are Ian Ziering and Tara Reid getting work when they are horrendous actors? Why are the "celebrities" that cameo doing this? Why does the Syfy Network continue to allow this? Why do they keep airing these? But most importantly, why do I feel the need to watch all of these? I'm going to try and answer all of these why questions today.

First off, why is there a 5th "Sharknado" movie? I'd venture to guess that they made the first one as a goof, but it got a ton of social media buzz, and everyone was talking about it. They struck while the iron was hot. I do not blame them for this, but each new "Sharknado" seems to get worse. The acting gets more and more terrible and the writing, directing and everything else, it is so terrible. They have bought into the fact that it is a farce a bit too much. They tend to take these ridiculous roles a bit too serious.

Which leads me to Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. My god are they atrocious actors. The "Sharknado" universe is the only place I know of Ian Ziering. Maybe RD, the generation Xer of the group could tell me why he is famous (Ed Note: I actively rooted against Steve Sanders on 90210). But, his acting in these movies is straight trash. He takes it way, way too serious, and I feel like he thinks these movies have been a rebirth of his stardom of sorts for him. I think he genuinely thinks that he is a star. He is not. He is a horrendous actor. And Tara Reid. My goodness, what happened to Tara Reid? I loved her in "American Pie", and thought her small role in "Big Lebowski" was great. She did a very good job with these roles. Then, she went off the rails. She thought she was more famous than she truly is. She did the whole plastic surgery thing and took it way too far. My wife kept saying, "look at how bad her surgery looks", and I have to say, I agree. But her acting is so awful. She shows no emotion. Her yelling was some of the most uninspiring yelling in a movie I have ever heard. It sounded like my daughter when she fake cries. As far as facial expressions, Reid's never changed, no matter what the scenario. She has fallen so far off, it is kind of sad. This is all she has, but I think that she thinks this will lead to other, bigger stuff. It won't, she is a bad actor.

The cameos only seem to get worse with these movies. In this one, I kept asking my wife, who is that? She then had to look it up, and for the most part, neither of us knew who the people were. When we did recognize someone, it was just sad. Bret Michaels looked horrific. He needs to fully embrace his baldness because the bandanna and fake blonde hair are rough. Olivia Newton John does not need to lower herself to this level. She was once a respected actor and singer, so why show up in this nonsense. Same for Dan Fogler. He was only in a 15 second scene, but come on man, you are a respected comic actor. I love the ping pong movie he's in. He doesn't need this shit. Greg Louganis played an art thief. I mean, what the hell. You are a respected Olympian, and if you want to get into acting, I can almost guarantee that he could get in something better than "Sharknado". Clay Aiken, try as he might, was so poorly miscast all I could do was shake my head at the bad acting. Chris Kattan has fallen so far off, that getting his name in the opening credits was the biggest thing for him since "SNL" I bet. When I saw him I said to my wife, "he and Will Ferrell were co leading men in "Night at the Roxbury", now look at their careers". She responded with, "poor Chris Kattan". It was a mess of terrible cameos. They also bring on reality TV "stars", and there is a reason that they only appear on reality TV. These people cannot act.

Syfy keeps airing it for all the reasons I already mentioned. It gets a ton of social media talk, I'm reviewing it today, and people talk about it for weeks afterwards. I do not blame them for doing this. I wish they'd stop, but I understand why they do it. Same thing for the constant repeats. We did not see it on "opening night", but we recorded and watched it later. That is why they constantly show these movies.

Finally, and this is the most important question for me, why do I continue to watch, even though I have a vitriol hatred for them. I think it is part OCD, part fear of missing out(FOMO). I have OCD big time, so with most things I feel like I have to watch them all to feel complete. I hate that my mind works like this, but if they continue to make them I will probably watch them, just to see how far they take this thing. I wish I could stop, but unfortunately, I can't. Then when it comes to FOMO, it is not enough for me to read about the movie, I want to see it so I can talk about it with supreme confidence. I want to see all the nonsense so I can judge it and make fun of it. Isn't that one of the main reasons there are so many "Sharknado" movies? They want people to make fun of it? I assume so. I wish I could stop, but I can't. I will probably watch the next one of they make another one.  

If you watch it or not, all of these "Sharknado" movies are dreadful, and the fifth installment might be the worst of the bunch. It is awful, and unless you want to torture yourself like me, do not waste your time. These movies stink.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is looking forward to the day he watches "Sharknado 63: A Sharknado for All Seasons", and then dies once it ends. Then he will be free from the curse.

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