Last Friday I wrote about how excited I was that Taco Bell was bringing back the naked chicken chalupa. It was my ode to the one thing I love about Taco Bell. Well, last night I went to get a few for me, and one for my wife. She wanted to try them too, because much like me, she loved them. So I got us 3 mild ones, 2 for me, 1 for her, and we dug in.

I have to tell you, they’re still pretty great. The fried chicken shell was pretty tremendous. It has a nice crisp to it, the way it’s shaped is perfect for a taco, and the “chicken” tastes pretty good. The inside is filled with shredded lettuce, shredded Mexican cheese and diced tomatoes. This was all fine, but didn’t add much. But, something I forgot about, there is some kind of spicy green sauce at the bottom. It’s too smooth to be guacamole, but too green to be sour cream. I am glad I got us the mild flavor because this green sauce has a kick. I am a big fan of what they did with this sauce. I added 2 packets of hot sauce and my wife ate her’s sans sauce. I prefer my method. While eating the naked chicken chalupas there were just sounds being grunted, or the occasional, “yep, these still hold up”. We both remembered why we liked them so much.

So yeah, the naked chicken chalupa is still pretty great. And, shockingly, I didn’t feel sick or gross after eating them last night. I was kind of surprised by this pleasant feeling. I was full, but not bloated. But, all that changed this morning.

Now, before I get into it, I regret nothing. My wife got up to get ready for work and told me she wished she hadn’t eaten the chalupa. I asked if she were sick, and she said no, but that she felt awful. I was surprised because I still felt okay. This was around 7am this morning. My wife left for work, seltzer water in hand around 730. I still felt fine, but as I was making my son breakfast, the pain set in. I’m not going to get gross, but I will say, I’ve spent a good amount of time in my restroom today. I feel like I’m being punished by my diet and by Taco Bell. I shouldn’t have eaten one of these, let alone 2. My body is rejecting these chalupas. I now remember why I don’t eat like this regularly anymore, and why I stay away from Taco Bell. As I said, I regret nothing, but my body sure does. The thing that frustrates me most is how long it took to take effect on me. I thought I was in the clear. I thought my stomach was going to let me get away with it. I thought, since Sunday is my day to eat whatever I want, I would be free from this feeling. Well, I was/am not. I should have only had one, but who’s to say I still wouldn’t feel like I do now? Taco Bell is evil, and I’m paying for it today. All of this isn’t to say that I won’t be going back to get more naked chicken chalupas, hell, I might get more this coming Sunday, but I will think about it a bit more.

The fact is that the naked chicken chalupa is great. I still love it. But, I despise the way it has made my body feel today. Was it worth it? Probably not. Will I buy more, eat them and deal with the aftermath? You better believe it. Go, please and buy these because they’re great. Just know, you will be in for a rough day the day after. God damn you Taco Bell. Why must you torture me so?

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. His body has not been properly trained for Taco Bell like the head editor. A strong regiment of chili cheese burritos should be all the training Ty needs.

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