Before going on vacation last week, my wife recorded all three "Star Wars" prequels.

I have been very up front about my dislike for these since I watched all the "Star Wars" movies right after my daughter was born. I think these are horrendous movies. They are poorly written, acted, directed and just bad. I think these hipsters that claim to like them are lying to themselves. They need something to complain about, so they bash the JJ Abrams "Star Wars", but then claim to "truly enjoy" the prequles. That is wrong, and they are wrong. I beg people not to be these people. Just because something is new and different, don't bash it and pretend that a far inferior product is better. That's nonsense. I'd much, much rather see "The Last Jedi", "The Force Awakens", and mainly, "Rogue One" any day of the week over the terrible prequels. Maybe it is due to the fact that I saw them much later in life, and I have no real skin in the game, I just know what I like.

The prequels are inarguably bad. The first one, "The Phantom Menace" has 2 of the most racist characters ever, Jar Jar Binks and the Trade Federation dudes. Also, it is just dull. Too many counsel meetings, and the whole Anakin story is bland. Also, the pod racing scene, the one that is supposed to save this movie, I found it boring and poorly CGI'd. The only cool thing about the first one was Darth Maul.

Then we have "Attack of the Clones". What a pile of garbage. Hayden Christensen plays grown up Anakin, and man is he terrible in this movie. The whole "Sound of Music" scene between him and Padme, poor Natalie Portman, is so trite and stupid and childish and awful. It totally takes you out of the "Star Wars" world, and it just doesn't fit. Also, Christensen and Portman have zero chemistry.

The third one, "Revenge of the Sith", still stands alone as the worst of the bunch. I found myself, with this second viewing, hating it even more. Not only does the chemistry still not exist between Padme and Anakin, but this time around, Christensen's performance as Anakin/Darth Vader, is one of the worst, monotone and emotionless performances I've ever witnessed. I can never tell if he is happy, sad, evil, mad, in a fighting mood, wants to help or wants to be bad. He has the same dumb expression and talks the same way no matter what. Take the scene where he kills Samuel L Jackson. Christensen "cries", but when he does the deed, he just kind of stands there and moves his hands, and Jackson falls to his death. Then he says he will join the Dark Side with Palpatine, and his expression is no different. Or take the fight scene between him and Obi Wan on the lava lake. First off, that CGI is as bad as the pod racing scene. But, this scene had so much potential. And Ewan McGregor is giving his all. But Christensen just yells his line with the same straight face he has had on since the second movie. This could have saved this movie. This scene could've been a defining moment for Christensen's career. But he just stands around, says some nonsense is his monotone voice, gets his legs cut off and starts to burn, all the while, never changing inflection in his voice or screaming in agony when his legs are gone or upset that he has betrayed his teacher. He just kind of moans a bit and sits around.

But the worst is when he becomes Vader. "Rogue One" showed Vader perfectly in his one, horrifying scene. "Revenge of the Sith" does the opposite. While getting the Vader mask on, he asks very directly, with no change in is voice, if Padme is okay. Palpatine says she died in childbirth, and Christensen as Vader, and I believe James Earl Jones now doing the voice, yells, in a monotone voice, "Noooooooo". But he does it so poorly and robotically and just flat. It is truly awful.

I loathe these three movies, and "Revenge of the Sith" is, by far, the worst. This movie is far and away the worst of any "Star Wars" movies. I'd go even as far to say that it is worse than the Christmas Wookie movie that people say is bad. I bet you that is fun bad (ed note: It is not fun bad, it is bad bad). "Revenge of the Sith" is just bad bad. It is too long, too stupid and so, so, so boring. Christensen really screwed up his chance at becoming a mega star with his awful performance in this movie. He may be a solid actor, but he did not show it on the biggest stage. He stunk up the place in fact.

I will be happy if  never see this movie, or any of the prequels for that matter, again. They are loathsome movies.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. When Ty’s wife said she wanted to watch the prequels again, he lifted his arms and yelled to the heavens NOOOOOOO. That is some damn fine acting.

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