My topic is a little odd today, but as RD and I have many times, we have a platform for venting about weird stuff sometimes. So today I want to talk about my total disdain for moles and chipmunks.

I never really had much of a yard before we moved into the house I currently live in. I grew up in a townhouse, spent the first part of dating/married life in a townhouse and, at our first house, our lawn was the size of a very, very small park. Think about the "Littlest Park" episode of "Parks and Rec", double that, that was the size of our front and backyard. But now, I have a pretty decent sized backyard. The front isn't humongous, but it isn't too terribly small either.

Anyway, last year I decided that I was going to take pride in my yard. We have a veggie garden now, and instead of just letting grass and weeds and dandelions and whatever else destroy the yard, I was going to do it all. It also helps that my mother in law is a master gardener. She gave a lot of advice, and the tools, to keep my yard looking fresh. So I did the weeding. I made sure to mow whenever the grass needed it, sometimes when it even could have waited a bit. I tended to the veggie garden. I mulched the entire front and back. I did whatever I was instructed to do so my yard would look solid. And for awhile, boy did it loom good. I was proud of what I had accomplished. Everything seemed to be going great.

About a few months into the fall, right around when the leaves started to fall, my wife and I noticed odd little hills popping up in our backyard hill. We have a flat backyard, but at the end, we have a decent hill. This is where the little hills started to show. I went outside, investigated and decided that stomping the ground back in would do the trick. Nope, I would wake up the next day to the same hills, plus a few extras here and there. We looked up what may cause this and found out it could be moles. I called a local exterminator to rid our yard of these monsters, and at first, I thought they did. They kept telling us they were weeding out and that our yard would look like old anytime soon.

That did not happen. I kept seeing newer hills popping up. One day it would seem fine, the next, it was like the moles had an underground party. I contacted the exterminator, and they wouldn't come back out because I canceled my business after they said they eradicated the problem. I was hot. So, I decided to take matters into my own hand. I bought poison worms and supersonic sound machines. I planted devices in the yard to trap them. I even thought about getting a BB gun.

None of this worked.

These moles, and chipmunks, continued to find a way. I figured with how cold it was this past winter, it would freeze them out. And it seemed like it had. But, when it started to warm up recently, I noticed that the hills in the backyard where mostly gone, but the front, not so much. Mole hills have popped up everywhere in the front. It looks like our backyard did last fall. They are all over the mulch, by my hoop, near the sidewalk, everywhere. I even see a bunch in our neighbors yards. It is out of control. It feels like they dug deeper in the frigid cold, stored up all their energy, and are now taking it out on mine, and my neighbors, lawns. It is insane.

I don't get it. I don't know what else to do. I keep stamping the ground with tools. I put some newer, seemingly more effective grub and worm killer in my yard. I have laid a ton of new grass seed. I even bought more powerful supersonic sound wave machines. Yet, the moles and chipmunks seem to be getting stronger.

I hope that this problem will go away. I'm sick and tired of seeing new tunnels and bumps every morning. I'm getting past frustration to, dare I say, acceptance that the moles have taken over. This has only gotten worse. If any of you have any advice out there, please let me know because I am so sick and tired of these damn things. I'm going to continue to tend to my yard and veggie garden, but I would be lying if I said that this whole mole/chipmunk thing hasn't made me reconsider my ways of yard work. Should I go back to not caring about my yard? Will this get rid of the moles/chipmunks? I hope I don't have to try that again, but with how much stronger this has become since winter, that may be my last resort.

Gosh do I despise these varmint. Big time.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. If you see Ty with a gun and a crazy look in his eye, no worries. He is just getting ready to escalate his war with the varmints.

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