As you all know by now I am the homekeeper of my house. I do all the chores. That is my job as the at home parent. But today I had to do what I consider to be the worst job of any homemaker, make a bed. And I do not mean just put the blankets on the mattress all nice and fluff the pillows. I am talking about making the whole bed. From bottom sheet to top sheet to pillows and pillow cases.

This is the worst. I loathe this chore. I put it off until I absolutely have to do it. It is too much for me. And I get that this is a champagne problem and I shouldn't be griping, I get to stay home, I do not have to go to an office and do mundane work. But the job of the at home parent can be hard at times and I have a venue with which I can vent about the stuff I do not like.

Let’s go through the ordeal.

First off, I am a bigger dude. I lost a good amount of weight, but I am still on the bigger side. I am also hairy everywhere except for my head. This means I sweat. A lot. So the full process of making a bed gets the sweat glands going. Then the whole process is just a nightmare. If you get the bottom sheet wrong you have to rip it off the mattress. If the tags are on the outside you have to start all over again. It can be very frustrating. The older I get the more I act like my father, and I love this by the way, so that means making the bed causes me to curse under my breath. And when it doesn't go right I am a sailor. I say all kinds of swear words to an inanimate object. I go off on the sheets, cases and blankets. Pillows better watch out because I am coming for them. Almost nothing frustrates me more. And even when you get that bottom sheet on, you have to do it all over again with the bed sheet. That is as much a pain as the bottom sheet. Then you have that thin top blanket that continuously blows off the bed with the slightest gust of wind. I could clear my breath and that whole blanket moves. It is a pain in the butt. Then you have the pillow case. This should be the easiest, but if you do not get that pillow in correctly the whole thing looks wonky and doesn't feel right. It almost makes the pillow harder if the pillow case is not on there properly. And just when you think you have finished, when it feels like the work is done, you have to put the blanket on top. Myself, my wife and now my kids all like our blankets to be faced in a specific way. And if it is not, we have to do it until it feels and looks right. This could be several different movements before it is in the right spot. And with my kids, after making the full bed, I have to put all their stuffed animals and other accoutrements on there. It adds up to five minutes. My daughter has so many stuffed animals that I had to put some away for donation just to make enough room for her to sleep comfortably in there tonight.

As I said, I get that this is pretty ridiculous to gripe about but I bet there are a good amount of people out there who agree with me. And I bet the ones who think this is nuts will look at making a bed a little different next time. They may think more about it. I just needed to get this off my chest today. This was a nice little therapy session for me. Thanks for indulging.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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