Yesterday I wrote about a movie I loved, "Godzilla Minus 1". Today I am writing about another movie. Unfortunately for me, this movie was not nearly as good. Hell, it wasn't even enjoyable. The movie is "Madam Web".

Now, before I get into it, I had heard all of the bad things about this movie. I read reviews. I saw videos of people mocking it. I saw the stars of the movie bemoaning it publicly. Still, I wanted to watch it. I have also heard a few podcasts talk about it, and while they acknowledged how bad of a movie it is, the majority of the pods seemed to think it was still enjoyable to watch. I started to get feelings that it may be akin to "The Room". That is one of the worst movies ever, but I think it is endlessly watchable. There is a difference. Some movies are just bad. Others are bad, but in a fun way. "Madam Web", at least for me, is just bad. Part of the push to watch this was my wife. She loves superhero stuff. I never really was into superheroes until I met her. She has definitely made me a fan of some of the MCU, namely X-Man stuff. So, she wanted to see the movie, I had heard that it could be fun bad and it is now streaming on Netflix. All of these things came together one night that was free, so we sat back and watched the movie.

From the start of it I just could not find anything I enjoyed about the movie. Dakota Johnson's performance felt so phoned in. It seemed like she was forced to do this movie. I asked my wife if the people who made the movie had some incriminating evidence, and if she didn't do the movie they would let it out. Her performance was boring and hollow. And she is the main character. Adam Scott was fine, but I'm a fan of his. He did the best with what he was given. I can say the same thing about Emma Roberts. I have not seen much of her stuff, but here, much like Adam Scott, she did the best she could with the lines she was given. Mike Epps, who I enjoy quite a bit, was barely in it, and they killed him off pretty early on. The three girls that Dakota Johnson takes under her wings are as cliche as they get. They have the "bad girl", the "nerdy girl" and the "lonely girl". And they all want to do their own thing until they can't anymore. And to cast Sydney Sweeney as the quiet dork is some of the worst casting in movie history. I hate to be the typical hetero male here, but she is far too attractive for that type of role. It is impossible to buy. The villain in this movie was horrendous. I feel like the majority of his lines are ADR. Paul Scheer even said as much in the live recording of "How Did This Get Made" when they talked about this movie. Anytime he has to give extra lines of dialogue, they cut from his face and shoot him from the back. And his voice was incredibly grating and awkward. The scene at the beginning, with Johnson's mom, was awful and proves that the actor was almost all ADR. That whole scene too was a total mess. They don't explain anything that is going on, some wild stuff happens, and then we are transported to modern day. This movie also felt like a COVID movie. A bunch of scenes were outdoors. When they were inside, there seemed to be no more than a few people on screen, with the exception being the baby shower. That scene is a mess all its own. It is truly bad. The action sequences were bad. We only get to see the superheroes in their costumes in two very short dream sequences. The writing is very bad. The actors seemed disengaged and bored with what they were doing. No one seemed to buy into the whole world they tried to create in this movie. There is no post credit scene, which I am fine with but my wife was mad about. She likes that type of thing in her superhero movies.

"Madam Web" is a big miss, and I didn't even find it fun bad. It was just bad bad. I do not recommend this movie. It is just a hair under two hours, but man did it feel a whole lot longer. Skip this and watch "Godzilla Minus 1" instead. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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