Venison Sandwiches at Arby's? Please God No.

It could be worse. We could be at Arby's.

I was going to do my mid season NCAA football review today, with new predictions and everything, but I saw something so horrifying while driving, it needs to be talked about. We are nearing Halloween too, so it is perfect timing.

While doing some work and running some errands with my daughter this morning I happened upon an Arby's. Now, for those of you that do not know me, I LOATHE Arby's. Part of it is due to the fact that I was born and raised in Saint Louis, and we have Lion's Choice. For those outside Saint Louis, Lion's Choice is the greatest fast food roast beef in the world. They cook it a perfect medium rare, their seasoning is second to none and the bread is amazing. I cannot forget about their excellent condiments too. Their BBQ sauce is tangy and sweet and goes perfectly with their beef. Their horseradish, my god is it amazing. It is just the right blend of spice and flavor. Mixing those 2 on one of their world class roast beef sandwiches is what a perfect bite tastes like. It is magical. Then we have their au jus for dipping the sandwich in. Their au jus is so good, when I'm done with my sandwich, if I have any au jus left over, I drink it. I'm not kidding. Getting away from their sandwich, their fries are my favorite fast food fries ever too. They are soft and perfectly salted and I love everything about them. I will dip the fries in the BBQ sauce and horseradish I have already talked about, but they added a new chipotle ranch dipping sauce a few years ago. It is wonderful. It is so good on their excellent fries. Basically, Lion's Choice is the best fast food, not only in Saint Louis, but quite possibly in the world. So the fact that Arby's thinks they can come to Saint Louis and steal Lion's Choice's thunder, get the hell out of here. Arby's will always be so much worse than Lion's Choice. In fact, Arby's might be the worst fast food chain in all of the world. So that is what makes what I saw this morning even more frightening.

While driving to get my oil changed, I drove by an Arby's near the place I go to get my oil changed, and saw their marquee with the words, "Venison sandwiches this Saturday only". I was absolutely horrified. I mean, I enjoy venison jerky and venison steaks, but I enjoy it when it has been hunted by my uncle, and he makes it himself. I will also eat a venison steak if I am at a fancy steak house and that is one of their specialties. Any other time I see venison on a menu, or it is offered to me by someone I barely know, I say no thank you. What Arby's is doing though, making venison sandwiches, is a crime against humanity. Arby's cannot even get the roast beef sandwich right. My father and I both, on separate, multiple occasions, before I knew better, have gotten Arby's and, either gotten sick or just didn't eat the sandwich because it had an awkward tint or smell. I stopped after the second time I went to Arby's and got physically sick from their disgusting food. My dad tried a few more times, but he came home one night with some Arby's, opened his sandwich, and the stench was unbearable. Something went horribly wrong in the car ride from Arby's to our house. We both stopped immediately afterward. It helped that we knew we had Lion's Choice to go back to as well. But this venison thing is just wrong on every level. I will not believe it, unless I see it, that this will be some big deal. I do not imagine this Arby's near my home will have some crazy long lines for people clamoring for a venison sandwich from freaking Arby's. This Arby's is never busy in fact, and I do not think this one day promotion of a venison sandwich will change anything at all.

Also, imagine how awful that "sandwich" is going to taste. Venison is not a meat that you can mass produce like a fast food chain needs. It just doesn't work. The "venison" that Arby's will have is going to be inedible in my opinion. It will be too chewy, too grimy and, since it is coming from an Arby's, most likely low grade. I was in shock and horror when I saw this. This is one of those things that just should not be. Arby's is disgusting, and the fact that they are trying to sell venison makes it even worse. This is going to end very, very badly for Arby's, and anyone that has the guts to try this abomination. I imagine a ton of people not really enjoying this "sandwich". For their sake I hope Arby's doesn't have to do a Chipotle, another fast food chain I am not fond of, type shut down for awhile.

Please people, I implore you, stay far, far away from this particular Arby's in Saint Louis this Saturday. Do yourselves a favor and go enjoy a far superior roast beef sandwich from Lion's Choice. I promise you, it is the best decision you can make.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is an expert in all regional cuisine. Check out what he said about Cincinnati Chili.

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