For Love of God, Do Not See "The Emoji Movie"

The only place "The Emoji Movie" Belongs

Today I'm going to give a review of "The Emoji Movie".

Now, it needs to said, I have not, and will not see this movie. This movie looks like an absolute piece of garbage, and by all accounts, it is terrible. This is also one of, if not the, biggest cash grabs I have ever seen. Has Hollywood really run out of ideas? Has it come to this? Is this what we, the viewing public, has to realize that we will get from big time movie production companies? Are there no new ideas, unless it is from an indie studio, a la A24? I'm flabbergasted that this movie even made it past the pitch phase. The fact that writers and actors, some well known, well regarded and very good, gave their voices to this movie is insane.

It should also be known to the readers that I don't use emoji's when I text or write or do anything that may involve an emoji. First off, I don't know what half of them mean. Second, I am not a high school student, so I know how to write full words and not waste my time with some stupid smiley face or a piece of shit. If I'm happy about something, I use the words happy, ecstatic, goofy, anything that portrays my happiness. If I think something is shitty, I say that it is shitty. I do not need a picture to get across what I am trying to say. Also, I have a hard time deciphering what someone is trying to say to me when they send me emoji's in a text. This includes family members, and my wife. My wife and my mom love to use emoji's, and I have to ask them all the time what they mean. Is that smiley face a sarcastic one, or are you serious? Why all the hand claps, did I do something good, or is this another sarcastic thing? What's with the heart? Just say love. These are all questions I have said to anyone that has sent me these particular emoji's. So, the fact that a 90 plus minute movie was made based on our lazy speech patterns as Americans is sickening to me. We have really fallen off as a country. I didn't think it could get any worse than what the archaic, and very stupid, electoral college did in November, and "The Emoji Movie" has made that horrifying act even more horrifying.

Where we sit right now, the movie is rocking a 3 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, and I guarantee the 3 percent that like it are the same stupid ass morons that voted for that narcissistic pig who is dumber than a kindergarten student. I'm sure the people filling up theaters to see this piece of trash, the movie is not doing well, are either poor parents stuck with young children that haven't developed a sense of humor yet, or people that are just as dumb as that narcissistic pig that golfs more than he does anything else.

I feel bad for my mother because 2 of her grandchildren want to see this movie. One of them is my son. I am vehemently opposed to giving any of my money to this movie. My son knows this, so he went to his Mimi to ask her to take him. And since she is such a wonderful, selfless lady, she told him she would take him to see it. I have tried to talk her out of it. My son is only 5, he doesn't know what is funny or not. He still tells the same knock knock jokes. But, he wants to see this horrible movie. His cousin is in town, and they want to see it together. So, this week my poor mother will be taking at least one of them to see it. I think my dad has to tag along too. I can only imagine this is an absolute nightmare for them. But, they rule and are awesome parents and grandparents, so they will stick it out. I cannot talk them out of it either. I keep suggesting other, better movies to my son, but he won't have it. And his cousin, I think he just wants to hang out with Miles. And sure, tell me I'm a horrible curmudgeon of a father because I will not go see this movie with my son. I don't care. I've already heard about how unimaginative I am because I don't like "PJ Masks". I will say though, "PJ Masks" makes "The Emoji Movie" look like Shakespeare.

I am disgusted and annoyed that Hollywood has given up. There is nothing new. It is all remakes or cash grabs, for the most part. I don't care that my son is only 5, I'd rather he see "John Wick: Chapter 2", or "Baby Driver" than the god damn emoji movie. At least he would see some great action, and not a total waste of time. The fact that this got made is so sad, and maybe Hollywood will learn from this awful piece of garbage. Only time will tell. Until then, I say avoid "The Emoji Movie" as if it were the plague, because that is what it is for movies. This is horrible. I'm disgusted in Hollywood, and everyone that made this movie. And I will say it one more time, I have not, and will not see this movie. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He begged his parents to take him to see "Cool as Ice" many years ago and thought they had learned their lesson. Guess not.

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