We Can Beat Your Kid in Foot Race but You Can't Beat Father Time

Let’s talk about being old.

Sometimes hubris can get the best of you, especially as you get older. My son had football practice yesterday and he was kind of hobbling to the car afterward. I asked him what was wrong. He told me he was sore because they had to run the 200 in gym class and he pushed himself. I told him that it is good to push when you feel like it, and they did have to do some extra conditioning at practice last night. When we got out of the car and returned home, I asked him how he did in the 200. He said he was pretty happy with a time of 38 seconds. That's pretty good considering my son is not into running at all. He said he beat some of his friends, and then he started talking a big game to me. He was telling me that I couldn't run a 200 faster than him. He didn't say the actual words, but he was basically calling me old, or at least that's how I felt. I told him that I could beat that time last night. I mentioned to him that I was on the move a bunch that day, and that I had run five miles at noon. But he kept persisting. He kept telling me that there was no way I could beat him. He was sure about it. So, I told him to go wherever he felt like it was 200 meters within our neighborhood. He walked a distance that we both assumed was 200 meters. He told me to go and off I went.

I finished in 14 seconds.

After some guessing at the distance, we came to the conclusion that he only walked about 100 yards. I knew 14 seconds was way too fast, and he was not having it that I could more than halve his time. So he walked a little further. He pushed it out a bit. He told me to go and off I went.

This time it took me about 41 seconds. But, we found out that this was too far. He went about 300 meters. At this point my wife came outside because she could hear us talking. She asked what was going on and we explained the situation. In her infinite wisdom she told me to turn my watch on and walk 200 meters. Then we could run back. It was perfect. My son also decided he wanted to race me at this point. Keep in mind, he was coming off a 200 meter race in gym and football practice. I was coming off a five mile run earlier in the day and I had just sprinted 300 meters and 100 yards. We were both tired. But, I let my hubris get the best of me. A neighbor came outside and asked if they were seeing a race. I boldly proclaimed, "you're about to see a 41 year old distance runner take on a 12 year old football player and win!". I was in my bag. So, after we got the correct distance we took our mark. I let my son tell us to start and off we went.

We were both sprinting. He was ahead of me for a bit. We made the curve and that was when he slowed and I pulled ahead. It was a slight uphill, and as I passed him I said, "you can't handle these hills like this old man!". He was mad and he slowed to a stop. I kept going because I'm competitive. I also felt, stupidly, that I had to prove a point. I smoked him, but he had stopped at about 100 meters and walked. I was going so fast my head was spinning. My asthma was acting up. I had some tingling and tightness in my legs. When I made it to the end, I put my head on my car and took a ton of deep breaths, just trying to catch my breath. Again, I'm no sprinter, I'm a distance runner. I'm used to going slow and turning it on at the end of a five or six mile run. I can run half marathons all day, but sprinting is not my thing.

When we went inside I was a sweaty mess. My chest was sore. I had almost fully caught my breath, but the asthma was hitting me hard. I kept asking my son why we did this. He was fine by the way, just tired legs from practice. He was even smirking at me a bit. I would say, when I saw the smirk, that I beat him. He didn't care. Part of me assumes that he knew I'd win, but he wanted to see how far he could push me.

This morning is a rest day for me, and I couldn't be happier. I hobbled out of bed. I'm hanging onto the railing when I walk down the steps. My wife just asked how my legs were doing. I don't think I can do this sprinting stuff all the time like I thought. Being in your early 40's can be a bummer, and this is a prime example. All I did was run the equivalent of one lap around a track and I'm kind of spent. It has to be the sprinting that is doing this to me today because I don't feel like this after running double digits at my own pace. Getting older is fun, but it is also a drag. This morning is one of those bummer moments for me. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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