"Love Actually" Actually Sucks

I talked on our most recent pod about writing a response piece to RD putting “Love Actually” on his Xmas movies list for this year, and that piece comes today.

I’ve made no bones about my distaste of this movie to anyone that will listen. I saw this movie in the theaters with a friend of mine, and from that moment on I've loathed this movie. I was bored then, and I recently rewatched it, for research I suppose, and I came away even more angry. Now, I know it’s just a movie, and it’s supposed to be charming and funny and romantic, but there are so many problems with this movie.

RD said in his piece that it’s the perfect representation of Hallmark Christmas movies, but I have to respectfully disagree. Hallmark movies know what they are, and they make no bones about it. The Hallmark movies are goofy and devoid of any real plot and the actors are one of two types, either old stars or people just trying to get work. They know it, and we the viewer know it as well. The Hallmark movies are also breezy, easy to get through and you can do many other things while they’re on. It’s almost like white noise for the holiday season. “Love Actually” is none of these things.

The actors in “Love Actually” take their roles way, way, way too seriously, with one exception. The only person who is worth a damn in this train wreck of a movie is Bill Nighy. He clearly gets it, and he’s just goofing around and having a good time. I’d watch a movie solely about his character, and I bet I’d love it. Outside Nighy, I have a major problem with every main character. Colin Firth is a stalker and lame. His role is pointless and nonessential to anything that has to do with the “plot”. I like Firth as an actor, but I hate this role. I don’t so much have a problem with Hugh Grant, but I despise the way they treat his love interest. She is a beautiful, and in this movie, a very sweet lady. But all the cast around her does is fat shame her, and she is nowhere near fat. She looks fit and in shape. But, I guess the writers of this movie seem to think that being in shape, and not rail thin, is fat. The jokes about her are crass, insensitive and flat out bad. It’s hackey and played out the way they treat her. I feel like frat bros wrote her part. It’s so disgusting and chauvinistic the way she’s treated. I hated it in theaters, and I hate it even more as a husband and father. Alan Rickman is a scum bag cheater. And before I get the whole, “but he didn’t cheat on his wife. He bought her a gift”, stop. He yearns for the lady that is flirting with him. To me, flirting is a form of cheating. He is just on the edge of stepping out, but he gets caught. And, to have Emma Thompson wear a fat suit in this movie, I mean, what is it with these writers and making fun of fat people. Who cares what someone weighs or how they look if they’re good people. This movie, to me, says it’s okay to think about cheating, or make fun of, if you’re overweight. That’s so wrong. The whole Liam Neeson and his son thing is so cloying and so played out and so heavy handed. I swear his role was simply to get people to tear up. Also, why should I care about, or root for, two young children falling in love. Most likely, those two would never see each other again. Also, his son has serious OCD tendencies and a stalker mentality. The Keira Knightly, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Rick Grimes, don’t know his real name, story is creepy. Ejiofor seems like a great match for Knightly, like a good guy and friend and doesn’t deserve Rick Grimes opining his lost love. And for Knightly’s character having to act like she thinks his cue card deal is cute, it’s not. It’s creepy as hell. As much as this movie likes to poke fun at overweight people, it seems to defend cheating and or stalking as well. The lines are not very blurred. Even my wife doesn’t care for the Laura Linney storyline. It’s an odd departure from the mostly upbeat feel of the movie. It’s sappy and sad and fails at making me feel bad for anyone involved. Martin Freeman and his scene mate scenes are supposed to be funny, but they’re not. It completely misses the mark. It’s also too far fetched and seems very out of place in this movie.

As for the English dude who moves to the states and ends up at a bar with Shannon Elizabeth, January Jones and Elisha Cuthbert, that was so odd and so dumb. RD made a great point about this whole scene, where he thought the ladies were going to murder him. They didn’t. It was another cliche male fantasy, where the three ladies love his accent so much so that they are ready to be intimate with him the moment they hear him speak. It’s so stupid.

“Love Actually” is the worst Xmas movie of all time. I’d rather watch “Jingle All the Way”. There, I said it. This movie is lame, mean, misogynistic, unfunny, pointless and unnecessary. I despise this movie. I know I’m on an island, but I will stay on this island forever. “Love Actually” is garbage and needs to be scrubbed from any streaming device. What a steamy heap of trash this movie truly is. I bet “the president” loves the way women and overweight people are treated in this pile of crap. Watch “Scrooged” instead. That movie is rad.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. No arguement here. “Scrooged” is most definitely rad.

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The SeedSing (half) Year in Pop Culture: The Top Five Movies of 2015

Time to fire up the projector

Being that the new year is coming up on Friday, I'll be doing my best of 2015 all week. Today, I'm going to start the week off with my top five movies of the year. Everyday I'll do a different top five and today I want to start with movies.

I see a lot of movies. Some I see in the theaters and others, I watch at home. I love movies and this has been a pretty good year for movies. So good in fact, movies like "Inside Out" and "Me and Earl and The Dying Girl" and "The Wolfpack" didn't make my top five and I really, really liked those movies quite a bit. So, on with the countdown.

Coming in at number five, we have a tie. My number five movies are "Avengers: Age of Ultron" and "Kingsman: The Secret Service". These are both blockbustery type movies, "Avengers" way more so. "Avengers" was fantastic. Go back and read my review. This was an absolutely breath taking super hero movie. There was action, adventure and even a bit of a love story. We also got Hawkeye's back story, and that made me like a character I once never really cared for. My favorite scene was when the Avengers were fighting Ultron and his army of robots and everything was in slow motion and we got to see each hero fight in super slow motion, it was excellent. "Avengers" Age of Ultron" is one of the greatest superhero movies of all time. "Kingsman", on the other hand, was a gory, action heavy, hand to hand and weaponry combat movie for the ages. This movie was criminally under the radar. I heard almost nothing about it while it was in the theaters and I didn't watch it on DVD for about five months. But, I'm so glad that I took the time to watch because this movie was incredible. My review was put up fairly recently. I loved pretty much everything about this movie. The opening fight scene with Colin Firth and the bar patrons was phenomenal. The fight scene in the church, once again featuring Firth, was one of the coolest things I've seen in a long, long time. The tests given to the future Kingsman were heart racing and incredible to watch. The main character, Eggsy, was expertly played. Samuel L Jackson was excellent as the villain. "Kingsman: The Secret Service" is the perfect summer action movie. Go check it out if you haven't seen it and I promise you, you'll love it.

My number four movie is "The End of the Tour". This is one of the most quiet, yet most poignant movies I've seen. Jesse Einsenberg is great as Rolling Stone writer David Lipsky. He plays the jealous, yet enthralled writer perfectly. I cannot picture anyone else in this role. Jason Segel, as David Foster Wallace, is absolutely phenomenal. He plays Wallace so realistically, it's almost like watching a documentary. He shows vulnerability, anger, sadness and genius all very, very expertly. He one hundred percent deserves an Oscar nomination for this role. This movie is basically just these two talking for two hours, but it never seems boring or dull. I was into the story and the movie the whole time. "The End of the Tour" is great.

Coming in at number three, I have "Ex Machina". This movie was so creepy and eerie because something like this could very well happen in the very near future. I mean, honestly, how far away are we from having robots walking amongst us? It's going to happen. Some rich, eccentric genius is going to create a humanoid robot and it will only grow bigger and bigger from there. Oscar Issac plays that eccentric genius billionaire so well. He is every bit creepy as he is lonely in this movie. He has his own lush home in the woods and he invites an employee, played by Domhnall Gleeson, to come out for what seems to be a vacation. It couldn't be more different. He is thrown into a type of lab project to see how he interacts with a female robot played so well by Alicia Vikander. This is another movie small in structure, but huge in story. As I said, something like this is going to happen very soon and this movie made me terrified for that future. It was haunting and terrifying and I'm not looking forward to the robots taking over. The final scene, I won't spoil it, was one of the scariest things I've seen in a movie in a very long time. It still aunts me. "Ex Machina" was the best horror movie of 2015, even though it's categorized as science fiction.

My number two movie is "What We Do in the Shadows". This was the funniest movie of the year by far. "WWDITS" follows the lives of vampires living together in a flat in New Zealand. Being that it was made by Taika Waititi, one of the "Flight of the Conchords" primary directors, it was so funny. It was done mockumentary style and it was perfect. Jermaine Clement, playing Vlad the Poker, was so great. A once powerful vampire, he now was not so powerful after his break up with "The Beast". He was excellent in this movie. Taika Waititi played Viago, the pretty boy vampire, and he was great as well. He was worried about keeping the flat clean and he longed for his lost love that was now in her mid to late 80's. The scene where he lays paper down to keep the blood of a victim off the couch, then hits a vein and bloods spills everywhere, is hilarious. The star of this movie, to me, was Johnny Brugh who plays Deacon. Deacon was a German vampire during the reign of the Nazis and he fled to New Zealand after stating, "if you are a Nazi, people hate you. If you're a vampire, people hate you. If you're a Nazi vampire, forget about it. I had to get out of there and flee to someplace safe". His character had me in stiches the whole movie. "WWDITS" is the best comedy of the year by far.

My number one movie should come as no surprise to anyone, "Mad Max: Fury Road". What else is there to say about this movie that hasn't been said already? It's the best action movie ever. It has the best social commentary. It lets a female be the lead badass. It has the best imagery in a movie in about 30 years. I mean, this movie is perfect from start to finish. Tom Hardy is excellent as Max. He's just as understated and hard core as Mel Gibson was in the original "Mad Max". Hugh Keys-Byrne was so creepy and so good as the ultimate bad guy, Immortan Joe. His breathing apparatus he wore still scares me when I watch the movie. Nicolas Hoult, playing war boy Nux, was surprisingly badass and totally cool. All the young ladies that played Joe's wives were awesome for many different reasons. But, Charlize Theron as Furiosa was absolutely phenomenal. She was the biggest badass, the toughest fighter and the smartest person in the whole movie. She was so great. Much like Segel for "The End of the Tour", Theron one hundred percent deserves not only an Oscar nomination, but she deserves to win. She was so perfect in this role. She beat so much ass and won at the end of the day. Theron was incredible. "Mad Max; Fury Road" is not only the best movie of 2015, it's probably the best movie I've ever seen. It's that good.

So, there you have it, my top five movies of 2015. Tell me what I left out in the comment section and come back tomorrow for my top five albums of the year.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. He is lover of movies and a passionate lover of good movies. Feel Ty's love by following him on twitter @tykulik. 

Better late than never on the awesome "Kingsman: Secret Service"

Tell me once again what happens to the dog?

I know I'm late to the party, but I just watched "Kingsman: Secret Service" and it is awesome.

Sure, it's an orgy of over the top violence, but compared to some other shit shows that have been released, I'm talking to you "Victor Frankenstein" and "The Last Witch Hunter", "Kingsman" is so much more fun and enjoyable. This movie is crazy from the get go. There's a huge fight scene in the far east at the start and that's where we meet Harry Hart/Galahad(Colin Firth). They are "training" one of the new members and the mission blows up, literally. We then transition to a house where an older gentleman is tied up. The home is over looking the mountains and one of the new Kingsman comes to the rescue. He offs the guards and saves the older man. Then, he opens the door and is literally sliced in half by a lady with sword legs. I'm serious, literally sliced in two. This is when Valentine(Samuel L Jackson) comes in to see that his aid, Gazelle(Sofia Boutella), has "cleaned" up the mess by placing white sheets over the bodies. Valentine doesn't like blood. So, about three or four minutes in, we see that Valentine is the bad guy. He's a billionaire tech guy, but he's also crazy. He's hell bent on controlling everyone in the world. News gets back tot he Kingsman that one of their own has died and it's revealed that he and Harry were close friends. It's also revealed that the deceased Kingsman has a young child. This child has grown to a teenager that is a rough and tumble fighter. He was in the Marines, but kicked out because of his behavior. Harry comes to meet Eggsy(Taron Egerton) to tell him about a job opportunity with the Kingsman. He's skeptical at first and then something totally awesome happens. Eggsy is being pestered at the local bar by some of his bullies and Harry goes about beating the shit out of every single one of them. It's an awesome scene. Who knew Colin Firth could play such a kick ass character. The scene is shot in a slow motion style. You can see all the cool spy stuff that Harry uses to beat up these five guys pretty effortlessly. My favorite part was when one of the thugs pulls a pistol on Harry and he open his umbrella which doubles as a bullet proof vest and a stun gun. It was rad. After seeing this display, Eggsy agrees to go through "application" process to become a Kingsman.

There are many intense tests which the recruits have to go through. Things like getting out of a room completely flooded with water, raise a dog, skydiving with a parachute that may or may not be functional and, above all else, never ratting out Kingsman. They eventually dwindle down to two candidates, Eggsy and Roxy(Sophie Cookson). They have one last task and that's too shoot their dog. Eggsy won't do it, but Roxy does it without a second thought. Eggsy is deemed unsuitable to be a Kingsman. We come to find out later that the gun had blanks in it, so the dog would have never been shot. This is found out when Harry comes to Eggsy's house to try and convince him to come back to training. Eggsy relents and Harry leaves to go on a mission to Kentucky. He has been on to Valentine the whole time and he heard there was something bad about to go down at a church in Kentucky.

Here we get one of the coolest scenes I've ever witnessed in a movie. Valentine has slipped a SIM card into everyone's phone or their brain if they've gotten close enough to him and he wants to activate the card to see if it works. If it does, everyone would become out of control and try to kill everyone else, basically chaos. This is exactly what Valentine wants. The SIM card goes into effect and the one planted in Harry's brain, he had a one on one dinner with Valentine earlier in the movie, makes him, unconsciously, start to fight and kill anyone that attacks him. He demolishes all comers in this church. It's a frightening and incredible scene all at once. While he's doing his kick ass fighting moves and maiming and killing everyone the song "Free Bird" by Lynrd Skynrd is playing and it's so awesome. This scene is almost as good as the one in "Avengers: Age of Ultron" where the super heroes fight in slow motion. The stunts in this fight scene are absolutely incredible. After Harry comes to, he walks outside the church where Valentine shoots him in the head. After seeing all this happen and seeing his mentor Harry killed, Eggsy has no choice but to go and fight for the Kingsman. He will do whatever it takes to stop Valentine and with help from Roxy, they go and fight the good fight.

There is some awesome hand to hand and weapon combat during the final battle scene. I'm not a fan of weapons, but I like to watch them in movies and I love hand to hand combat. They get to a spot where they can render the SIM cards useless and in one spot they do and there is a confetti of colors as the people who had SIM cards implanted in their brains literally explode. You think it's done there, but Valentine didn't plant one in his brain and outside of the night club they were just in, the SIM cards go off on people's phones and the world begins to fight with each other. Everywhere from England to LA, there's a full on brawl. We now get a fight between Eggsy, Valentine and Gazelle. The main fight is Eggsy and Gazelle and it's awesome. She's doing awesome karate moves with her sword legs and Eggsy is batting off her every attempt. In a slow motion scene, Eggsy uses the spy techniques that Harry taught him and he renders Gazelle useless. She can no longer fight. Eggsy then uses one of Gazelle's sword legs and puts it through Valentine's chest and he pukes blood and dies. He cannot execute his full plan and the SIM cards are now completely useless. Everyone is saved thanks to Eggsy. He is now the top Kingsman, replacing his deceased mentor Harry.

This movie is totally awesome and doesn't get the love it so badly deserves. I'm sorry I missed it in the theaters, but I'm glad I watched it on DVD. I ABSOLUTELY loved this movie and I highly recommend it. It's not for the faint of heart, but it is totally awesome.

Go check it out.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture Editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. He is been involved in deep spy training that entails massive amounts of football watching. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.