Uncle Frank in "Home Alone" is the Worst
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Yesterday we watched "Home Alone" with our kids. This has become our thing for the past couple of years around our house, and I assume many other houses with younger kids. My son ate it up last year. He loved it. He was quoting it, asking questions, and watched it a few more times, it was great. My daughter turned six in October so we decided she was ready to watch. She watches all kinds of shows with us anyway, so we figured last night was as good a time as any to show her "Home Alone". She was not as much into the movie as my son, but she still found it funny, especially when Kevin gets the Wet Bandits, and she said she liked it. I was relieved. My wife and I were pleased with the results, so we are going to watch the new one, "Home Sweet Home Alone" tonight.
What I want to talk about today is who I think the real villain of the original movie truly is. I am sure other people have had this thought, but I stumbled upon it last night, I have a platform and I want to tell everyone why I think Uncle Frank, played by Gerry Bamman, is the true bad guy in this movie. I understand he is not in as many scenes as other actors, that he only has a few lines and that he was just portraying what many people considered to be the "mean uncle", but this guy was a total dickhead. All props to Bamman for making me feel this way. I did not know who he was when I was a kid, but I disliked Uncle Frank then, and 31 years later I still dislike Uncle Frank. Bamman has been in many movies and TV shows, but after looking at his credits, "Home Alone" has to be his most memorable.
The reason this all started for me, why I think he is the villain is right at the start of the movie. When the McAllister's house is going crazy before dinner, and all the kids are making noise, when the pizza guy shows up and when they finally sit down to dinner, it is Uncle Frank who calls Kevin a jerk. In front of the entire family. As we all know, Kevin loves his cheese pizza. He is understandably upset when it is revealed that there is no more cheese pizza. Sure he acts about it like a baby, but he is eight years old. We all acted like babies when we were 8. So when Kevin decides he is going to stand up for himself, he knocks Buzz over and spills milk and soda everywhere. It is a humongous mess. During the cleanup process this is when Uncle Frank looks Kevin directly in the eyes, again in front of the whole family, and exclaims, "Look what you've done you big jerk". I was astounded. My wife said that if any of our kids' Uncle's said that to them she would ask the kids to leave the room so she could "take care of business". No one says a word to Frank. It is almost like they are afraid of him. Maybe he has some secrets about the family that no one wants to be revealed. You know, like a villain would have.
Uncle Frank only gets worse from here. When they leave in the morning he only cares about himself, and the fact that he may miss his flight to Paris. He is constantly fighting with his brother, and is always pessimistic. When they get on the plane, they make it on time by the way Frank doesn't give his brother credit or thanks the drivers of the vans, he is too excited to get his free champagne and take his seat in first class. He then goads his wife into taking the silverware from the plane. He then makes the flight attendant fill his champagne glass all the way to the top very rudely, and he doesn't thank her either. When Kevin's mom realizes that they left Kevin at home, Frank tries to make her feel better by saying he left his reading glasses at a hotel room or some shit. He is comparing his glasses to her son. What a dick. And when they get to France, and everyone has a job to try and track Kevin down, he is too busy raiding the refrigerator in the hotel and handing out snacks to everyone. I mean, it is clear he could give a shit about Kevin, or his kids or his brother and his wife or anyone but himself.
I get it that there are the Wet Bandits, and that they are criminals, but they have a job that they are doing. And they get their comeuppance. The Old Man is painted as a villain at first, but he is an okay dude. And he saves Kevin. The police are incompetent, much like real life, throughout this whole movie. The police are always a villain. Even the shop boy that chases Kevin is simply doing his job. And Kevin did steal a toothbrush. But Uncle Frank, he is just a rotten dude through and through. He only cares about himself. He only cares about what will benefit him. He only wants material things. He tries to make every situation involve himself somehow.
Uncle Frank stinks. He is the bad guy. He is the meanest person in this movie. My mind is made up and will not be changed. Uncle Frank is the jerk. Not Kevin. Uncle Frank is the true villain of "Home Alone".
Ty
Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.
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