Better Never Than Late on "Old"

I was scrolling the streaming channels we have yesterday and I came across HBO Max. I wanted to watch a movie, and had a little more than 90 minutes before I had to get my kids for the day and I saw that "Old" was now streaming.

I wanted to see this movie when it came out. I feel like this was the first pandemic movie that I had wanted to see in a theater until everything went down with COVID-19. And then I kind of forgot about it. Then "How Did This Get Made" did an episode about it and it reminded me. But then I forgot about it yet again. But then, while channel surfing a week ago, I came across the last 20 minutes of it, so I watched. I was confused, but also interested. Watching the ending did not diminish my want to see the whole movie. So I turned it on after doing my daily stuff and sat back and focused on the movie.

I kind of wish I hadn't focused so hard. I am trying to be less cynical these days, and so far it has been working. I tried to find some kind of good in this movie. I looked past a ton of problems and kept searching for something, anything, that worked. Unfortunately I could not find much of anything. The best thing I can say about this movie is the premise is very interesting. And put in the right hands, could have worked. And I have come around on M Night Shyamalan as of late. "Split" was very good. I've heard very good things about the show "The Servant". I kind of enjoyed "Glass" honestly. So I thought he could have made this work. But he just could not do it. It was far too clunky of a movie. It moved almost too fast but felt slow. It was prodding. The story was convoluted and dull. The actors did the best they could with the material, but it just wasn't up to snuff for me. The kids are kind of annoying at the beginning. I found them to be very cloying and cliche. The parents are in one of those typical "this is our last chance to reconnect, on this family trip". I am not a fan of that trope. The other people that join them on the beach are cliches themselves. The young rapper, who might have the worst rap name ever, Mid Sized Sedan, was boring. The makeup lady with the calcium deficiency was so ridiculous and not scary. Even her death scene, spoiler alert, was so not scary and kind of dumb. Her husband was the psychotic guy who was going through Alzheimers. And he was not convincing. The family of a nurse and his wife who has epilepsy felt so tacked on at the last second. The nurse's demeanor never changed no matter how messed up the situation got on the island. And his wife's death scene, spoiler alert, was totally tossed aside. But I think it was the parents' deaths that bummed me out the most. The dad lost his eyesight, said some cliched lines and died on the beach. The mom had the tumor removed, then lost her hearing and just kind of walked towards the water. And the wrap up scene, where we find everything out was so blase. It was so tacked on. That seems to be the basis of this movie. They just added stuff to fill out 100 minutes. There was no moment when I was legitimately scared. Nothing in this movie made me sit back and think about life. The ending was so simple to figure out. The way they did it was very dull.

I really, really wanted to like this movie. I had very high hopes. But it did not meet my personal expectations. I would recommend it for people that want to see it, and maybe your expectations won't be too high. But this was a miss for me. It was not a good movie.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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