Better Never Than Late on "Dark Phoenix"

For quarantine date night my wife and I watched "Mad Max Fury Road". It was its release day birthday, my wife hadn't seen it and I wanted her to experience the awesomeness that is that movie. But, I am not going to write about that today. We have been very vocal on how much both RD and I LOVE that movie. I think we have said pretty much everything we can say about its greatness. It is a perfect movie.

On the day after quarantine date night, Sunday, we decided to watch "Dark Phoenix". It was on cable, we hadn't seen it yet and we are completists when it comes to "X-Men". I had heard not so good things about the movie, and my wife mentioned the same. She also rented the movie awhile back when she was home sick from work. So the fact that she didn't remember it should have been our first sign that maybe we shouldn't watch. But, we did see "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". We watched "Apocalypse". We saw the other Wolverine movie, the one in Japan, which I actually liked. We have seen them all. So we had to see. Maybe the critics were wrong, maybe it was the fever that caused my wife to forget, maybe, just maybe, they finally got this story right, maybe they did what "X-Men 3" tried to, but couldn't.

Well, and it bums me out to say this, this is the worst "X-Men" movie I have seen. That's right, I would rather watch "Origins" than "Dark Phoenix" if I had to pick. I mean, I don't want to watch either, but "Dark Phoenix" was just so very boring. Everything about the movie, for me, just didn't work. I felt like all the actors kind of phoned it in. James McAvoy, Sophie Turner, Michael Fassbender, they all just knew it was the end. Jennifer Lawrence seemed extremely checked out too. I know she said she didn't want to do this anymore, and boy did that show. Her death scene, which makes zero sense in the "X-Men" world, could have been very dramatic and moving. It was not. It was quick and easy to see coming. Nicolas Hoult, who I really like, was not good as Beast. I could hear his accent slip in and out, he seemed to have very little interest in the role and looked like he wished he was anywhere else. Both McAvoy and Fassbender seemed happy to just cash the check.

The thing that made this so disappointing was the story. Jean Gray has such a cool story. She is the most powerful X-Men. She can do what Professor X does to the nth degree. She is also very strong. She can fly. And she is an incredibly conflicted character. She has all the elements for what should be a very good story. The writers did not do that. They wrote scenes that seemed to drag. Sophie Turner, try as she might, had to deliver some super cheesy lines. Same thing with Lawrence. They had to do that with straight faces. My props to them. But all the stuff with Gray, as a kid, going to the academy, then becoming all powerful, it just seemed to drag on screen. There were too many scenes explaining stuff as opposed to showing her power. Her conflict was boring and cliche. The way she handled herself, especially when the bad guys came, it was all far too easy to see what was going to happen. The stuff with her and Cyclops made me opine for the relationship between grown up Jean Gray and him, and my wife and I call him "Cryclops". Like, it just didn't work at all. Even the big fight scene was not very good. My wife said that she thought she remembered it being solid, but that was with her fever addled brain. The fight scene was boring, they kept cutting back to Gray as a kid and there was only one good moment, when Magneto crushed a train car and tossed it aside.

My point? "Dark Phoenix" is not a good movie. It is not even a fun good movie. It was a bummer, and they should be able to get this story right. I hope someone else tries, like they did with "Logan", because Jean Gray's story is a great one. But "Dark Phoenix" way missed the mark for me. I'd skip this one if I were you. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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