Eggnog is the Worst
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Yesterday I came at you all with a hot holiday take about a good treat, something I like that maybe others do not. Today I am going to do a similar thing, but this is my hot take of the worst holiday treat.
I could take the easy way out and say Xmas dinner is the worst. It is just a rehash of Thanksgiving, with very few exceptions, and maybe people, my family included, replaces turkey with ham. You have two of the same meals in a one month span of time. But that is boring. I could also call out hot cocoa or any type of chocolate. These are all well and good, and the Reese's peanut butter trees are the best version of that, but that is also a little lazy to me. None of those work. The clichés are way too cliché. For me, here it comes, the worst holiday treat to have at this time is eggnog, be it alcoholic or non.
This drink is vile. It feels like drinking liquified eggs, with some seasonings in it. I am always afraid that it is going to curdle or give me salmonella or go bad. I am not a milk fan to begin with, and eggnog is just a thicker, sweeter milk. I don't drink any alcohol either. I have tried different alcohol, and none of it is for me. The closest I have ever gotten to liking any type of alcohol is Bailey's mixed in coffee. But that was probably just a one time thing. I have tried it again, recently, and it was too strong. I am such a lightweight because I never drink. My wife had some alcoholic eggnog the other night, I gave it a taste, and I told her, "this is awful, it tastes like paint thinner smells". That was about as honest an answer as I could give her. I don't know if it was too much alcohol in it, if it was the gross consistency of the eggnog, or if it were both. I'd have to say it was a little bit of both. It was too strong and too gooey. And for me, this goes for all things eggnog. I have bought my kids eggnog ice cream, tried it, and wanted to throw up. I have had regular eggnog, like a milk carton from the store, and thrown it away the moment I walked in my door. My mother in law has made eggnog cookies before, and she is a tremendously talented baker, and I couldn't even finish a small cookie. I have seen eggnog flavored milk. Why is this a thing? Who wants that? I mean, strawberry milk is gross enough, who wants to have an eggnog flavored milk? That is so gross. I just, I mean, I like eggs, but not in liquid form. It is too dangerous. There are too many things that could go wrong. I would rather try a sushi that could kill me if not prepared correctly. The idea of trying blowfish is more appealing to me than drinking eggnog. I would rather eat a pizza covered in sardines than have an eight ounce cup of eggnog. Give me a jar of olives, which I also despise, and I would choke that down before I would have some eggnog. It just doesn't do it for me. It is too gross. They try to cover up the taste by adding unnecessary spices. Who needs nutmeg and cinnamon in a milk based drink? I won't even put that stuff in my coffee. That is too much for me, and I put Splenda in my coffee.
My wife, my mom and dad, even RD, and I am sure my other brothers and their wives probably like the holiday concoction, I do not, not at all. Eggnog is vile and thick and just downright awful. There, I said it, and I feel better. Now I am going to go and have a good holiday drink, a peppermint hot chocolate.
Ed note: Ty is wrong
Ty
Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.
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