Ty Ranks the 2017 NFL Teams: The "Attack of the Clones" Edition

Football is almost here. We are about 2 and a half weeks from the college football season and about 3 weeks from the NFL kickoff to the 2017 season. The next 2 weeks are going to be all football from me. I did my politics yesterday and I will still do mini recaps of "Bar Rescue", and any movie or music I may hear the next couple weeks, but for the most part, it is going to be football all day, everyday. As I did last year, I'm going to count down the teams from 32-1. I will give a few sentences as to why I put the teams where I put them, and move on to the next one. At the end of my countdown, I will do predictions and award winners. The next day, I will do my NCAA football preview. Alright, lets get to it.

Coming in at number 32, the worst team in the NFL will be the New York Jets. The Jets are an absolute train wreck, and it has nothing to do with Todd Bowles. I actually think he is a decent coach, but that front office has left him with nothing to work with. They let Eric Decker, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Geno Smith, David Harris, Darelle Revis and Brandon Marshall leave and got nothing in return. Their receiving core is a joke. They have no one of any importance. Bilal Powell is a good running back, but when teams load the box every down, he will be lucky to average 3 yards a carry. The line is older, and worse. Their QB is Christian Hackenberg. That should strike fear in all Jets fans across the country. As far as all accounts from preseason training camps, where everyone is supposedly doing great, he couldn't even break a huddle properly. The 7 year olds I coach in flag football know how to break a huddle. He is going to stink. As far as their defense, they still have Sheldon Richardson, but he may get suspended like he has the past 2 years, and I don't think he is 100 percent engaged in football. They got rid of David Harris, their mainstay middle linebacker, without telling the coach. Their secondary is a joke too. This team is a disaster. I wouldn't be surprised if they go 0-16.

Coming in at number 31, I have the Chicago Bears. How can a team that finally got rid of Jay Cutler get worse? They can trade a bunch of picks to move up one spot and take Mitch Trubisky. Also, enough of this, "he looked great in their preseason opener against Denver". Denver was playing fourth string guys and were running completely vanilla coverages. Blake Bortles did this same thing as a rookie in preseason. Anyone still on the Blake Bortles bandwagon? I didn't think so. The Bears also went out and gave Mike Glennon a 3 year 45 million dollar contract. That was not a typo, you read that right. Oh, and they also signed Mark Sanchez. Yeesh. As far as the O Line, does it really matter with this team. They are going to be awful no matter what. They let Alshon Jeffrey walk, and their "top" receiver, Kevin White, has played in maybe 4 or 5 total games his NFL career. They have a decent run game with Jordan Howard and Jeremy Langford, but how much good will that do when they are always playing from behind. The run game will be moot. Their defense is not much better. They can't stop the run or the pass. You need to be able to stop both of those to win a good amount of football games. This once great franchise is at a very low point right now, and I don't think Trubisky or Glennon or Sanchez are the guys to dig them out. They will be cellar dwellers for awhile.

Coming in at number 30, I have the San Francisco 49ers. This is the team that fleeced the Bears, hence why they are one spot ahead of them in my countdown. Look, I actually like their defense a little bit. They made a great pick, when they had to move down one spot, and got Soloman Thomas. He is a great D-Lineman to build their run stop and pass rush around. They also have decent, young players in the secondary and at linebacker. The problem with this team is their offense. I think Carlos Hyde is one of the more overrated players in the NFL. People always mention him as a good fantasy player, or as a sleeper that can have a big year. I don't buy it. Their line is weak. Their receivers are worse than what the Rams have. And they wouldn't even try and resign Colin Kaepernick, who led them to a Super Bowl. They instead decided to sign Brian Hoyer. Why does Brian Hoyer keep getting jobs? He is not that good of a QB. I wouldn't even want him as a backup. They also hired Kyle Shanahan as their head coach after letting Chip Kelly go. Shanahan is a great coordinator, but how will he do as the top guy, and how will he recover from that epic collapse in the Super Bowl? Time will tell. And if they give Kirk Cousins an enormous contract after this season I will lose my god damn mind. Cousins is not some great QB that people, including Kyle Shanahan, keep saying he is. The 49ers are in the midst of a deep rebuilding project. At least they got one over on the Bears at the draft. That may be their biggest win of the 2017 season.

Coming in at number 29 I have the Cleveland Browns. I really can't grasp what this team is trying to do. They went out and signed some good O-Lineman this offseason, but does it really matter when Cody Kessler, Brock Osweiler or Deshone Kizer are the QB? Also, who is their running back? I have no idea. That is not a good sign. They also let Terelle Pryor walk, and he was their best receiving threat since Josh Gordon. I cannot figure out what they are trying to establish as their identity on offense. It is maddening, and I do not even like this team. And on defense, I know they gave former Patriot, who was traded in the middle of the season, Jamie Collins big time money, but is he really a cornerstone for any defense? They also reached big time for Jabrill Peppers in the late first round. I love Peppers, he was electrifying for Michigan, but I do not see how that translates to the pros. He is too small to play linebacker and not a good enough cover to play corner. I hope he proves me wrong because I want all Michigan players to succeed, but I do not see it yet. As far as their D-Line, it is very ho hum. They do not have any single pass rusher or run stopper that really excels. Same thing for their secondary. It is incredibly average. Hue Jackson deserves better than this, but he willingly took this job. The Browns will continue to be irrelevant until they get some competent players.

That is it for today. Come back tomorrow for my next 4 teams.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He will always root for a former Wolverine int he NFL, unless they play for the Rams. Screw that team and their terrible owner.

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