"Can't Hardly Wait" and "American Pie" Are Not the Classics We Remember

Before the NBA came back, which is basically all I watch now, I was watching a lot of movies. I still do. I mention my quarantine date nights, I watch random stuff on cable, I watched a few when I was on "vacation", so movies are about the only thing that will pull me away from the NBA right now.

One night recently I came across two movies, one I have seen and one I haven't, and my wife and I decided we would watch them both. They started early enough for us that the night would be over by 10 at the latest. Also, the kids were doing their thing, so we had the TV to ourselves. The two movies were "Can't Hardly Wait" and "American Pie". These are two movies that some mine and my wife's age would consider "classics". The first rated R movie I snuck into was "American Pie". My wife saw "Can't Hardly Wait", the one I hadn't seen, a few times with friends in theaters. These were movies of the time that, at least I know, felt like they would be remembered forever for only good reasons.

Welp, I couldn't have been more wrong. These movies are not very good, and quite frankly, both are fairly problematic. I'm not talking "Sweet Sixteen" and Long Duck Dong problematic, but still, these movies are not very flattering to women and non white people. Let's talk about "Can't Hardly Wait" first. This movie uses some of the most homophobic language I have heard this side of the "Entourage" movie. It was appalling to hear some of these actors, some who have had, and are still having, solid, well respected careers. I was shocked to hear these words come out of their mouths. My wife and I said it was a different time. Really though, it wasn't. These movies were made in the 21st century. They are not very old. They couldn't drink if they were a real person. It is wild. What was most upsetting to me was watching Seth Green, an actor I truly adore. He was written so offensively. Him and his friends were the worst caricature of wannabes. They spoke in the cliche "black guy" voice, and it was grating and so tough to watch. Green is a great, well respected actor, but I have to imagine he looks back on this role and cringes. It is so wrong on so many levels. I was offended watching it, and I am a middle aged white dude from the suburbs. I just can't fathom a world where this was approved, and more so, considered to be the "funny" guy in the movie. It was awful.

But, as bad as that was, "American Pie" was much worse. This movie is pitiful. This movie is so degrading to women. This movie makes guys look like suave sophisticated individuals in high school. This movie pokes fun at an athlete trying something non athletic. And to make it singing, you'd think he was the worst person in the world. And then we have Stifler. I love Sean William Scott. I think he has scrubbed this role from his memory. I think he has done a good job of not being pigeonholed. But, he was so offensive, mean, abusive and an outright dick in this movie. He said horribly offensive and homophobic things. He was a jerk. He was the prototypical "jock" caricature, and it was hard to watch. He is not nearly as funny as I thought he was when I was 16. As for the other guys in the core group, man do they stink. They are so focused on "getting laid", and we are supposed to view them as the "heroes" of this movie. We are made to root for them in their "quest". In reality, they are assholes who treat women terribly. They view women as objects and that they are only there to make them not virgins before they go to college. It's awful. And the female characters in this movie, they get nothing. Shannon Elizabeth is only there to be gawked at. Tara Reid is supposedly the "bad guy" because she wants her boyfriend to say he loves her before she sleeps with him. Mira Sorvino has moments, but they are all closed with her longing for Chris Klein. Natasha Lyonne is the only real strong female character in the movie, but it is revealed near the end that she is only nice when she wants something. They paint her as materialistic. It is so bad.

I was so thoroughly disappointed in both movies. I didn't fully know what I was getting into with "Can't Hardly Wait", but I left thinking that the people who wrote this have never met an African American person in their life. As for "American Pie", I was so so so so wrong about everything I used to "love" about this movie. It's a bummer that it took me growing up to realize how terribly this  movie treats women, and boy does it treat them bad. But everything that might have saved it was washed out by the offensive dialogue and the awful character arcs. These movies do not hold up and I wish I could wipe them from my memory. Man do they stink. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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