For Some Reason Ty Decides to Watch "Morbius"

A lot of the movie podcasts I listen to have been talking about "Morbius" lately. A lot. It has been a very big topic of conversation for some odd reason. All this talk had me intrigued. I obviously know about this movie. How can you not at this point? I am also fully aware of the bad press and critical reviews it got after its release. None of this is news to me. But hearing funny people I like talk about how wild this movie is, it piqued my interest. I had to know what all the fuss was about.

So I watched it. I did not know where I was going to find it, but it is right there, front and center, on Netflix. I turned it on the other day and was floored by what I watched.

This movie is bad. Really, really, really bad. There are no redeeming qualities. There wasn't a single part of this movie that I found likable. I didn't get what they were trying to do with this little known character. I should have known something was off when it said "In association with Marvel". Marvel has given their name to crap like "Venom", but they only wanted "association" with "Morbius". Then, as the movie unfolded, I found myself quite bored. That is the best way I can describe my main emotion watching this hunk of junk. The movie is dull. It is gray and dreary. The dialogue is slow and quiet. The action sequences are filled with slow motion and stuff that every other movie before it has already done. I saw Keanu Reeves dodge bullets in "The Matrix" while I was still in high school. I've seen way cooler vampire imagery in "Blade" and "What We Do in the Shadows". I've heard better quips in every single other Marvel movie. This is just a flat out bad movie. I do not like Jared Leto. Never have, never will. I think one of the few movies where he is the main character that I enjoy is "Requiem For a Dream". He is barely in "Blade Runner 2049", and that is a good thing. He won an Oscar for "Dallas Buyers Club", but go watch his performance. It is offensive. Other than that he is not good in his movies. And "Morbius" is no exception. He is rough. He walks with crutches and that feels offensive. His line readings are dull and tired. He has no chemistry with anyone on screen. And he was supposedly real tough to work with on this set, which should surprise no one. Matt Smith, who is a very good actor, is given no favors here. His dialogue is bad. The direction he was given is wrong. He is being led astray in this movie. His talents are useless here. The female lead is a stereotype. She is just there to be a female voice. She is the only actor here who is any good, but she is given so little to work with. Much like Smith, her talents are wasted. Tyrese Gibson and Al Madigral are no good as the cops. They seem to care too little about vampires and their facial expressions never change. Madrigal is a brilliant comedian, but he is left to be the straight man in this movie. Again, another talented person being asked to do the things that they don't do well.

This whole thing is a mess. I finished it the other day and fell asleep for a few minutes during the final battle. That should tell you all you need to know about this dreadful movie. I was moved by people much funnier than me talking about this movie, but it was a total waste of time. I see why the critics were so critical of this movie. I hope they stop right here and do not make any more of these because they will not make any money. "Morbius" is bad. Even at 1 hour and 47 minutes it feels LONG. Don't watch it. Save yourself the time. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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