Ty Ranks the 2023 NFL Teams: Let's Try the New Starry Soda Division

Welcome to day five of my NFL preseason rankings. These are the teams I expect to be in playoff contention all season long.

At number 16 I have the Pittsburgh Steelers. I have never been a fan, but Mike Tomlin is an all time great head coach and he always finds a way to be above .500 with whoever is on the Steelers roster. I expect nothing different this season. Also, we need to recognize how great of a coach Tomlin is. He is awesome. But Kenny Pickett is his QB. He definitely looks better right now, definitely better than his rookie year, but he is still very green and very unproven. I think he can be solid, but I would not want him to be my QB of the future. Najee Harris is incredible. He is one of the better running backs in the NFL. He is big, fast, can break tackles and catch the ball out of the backfield. He can do it all. George Pickens is a blooming star. Lots of players put together viral catch clips, but Pickens is one of two players, DK Metcalf being the other, where those clips look real. They look truthful. The o line, as has always been the case, is very good. They are solid. The defense is always good too. Minkah Fitzpatrick really turned the tide for this team last season. He is a ball hawk and a very solid cover guy. TJ Watt has lived up to the hype coming into last season. I'm not a fan, but the dude can rush the passer. Joey Porter Jr was very good in college and he looks like he can be the real deal in the NFL. His dad is a coach in Pittsburgh as well. Cameron Hayward is steady. Alex Highsmith can play. The defense has always been dependable. The Steelers will, annoyingly, be above .500 and will most likely make a playoff push. Mike Tomlin is that good.

At number 15 I have the Minnesota Vikings. I loathe this team. I cannot stand them. I am a lifelong Packers fan and I think I dislike the Vikings more than the Bears. The hatred starts for me at QB. I have never liked Kirk Cousins. I think he is wildly overrated. I find him cringey. He has bad politics, and he cannot win when it matters. That has all been proven. They should have stuck with Teddy Bridgewater. Dalvin Cook is gone. They refused to pay him and he took off. Good for him. He is being replaced with guys I have never heard of. The Vikings are going to miss Cook. They are really going to miss him. Justin Jefferson is one the best wideouts in the league and the only reason why this offense scares anyone. I have no qualms or problems with Jefferson. He's awesome. Jordan Addison can be a good pro, he just has to slow down when he is driving. TJ Hockenson is a solid tight end, but Cousins relies on him far too much. The o line is serviceable. The defense is nowhere near as good as it used to be. In fact, it may be a liability. They are giving Marcus Davenport a second chance, but I don't think he pan out. That's a bummer because I thought he had potential. Danielle Hunter is a head case. Harrison Smith is washed. And the rest of the guys are a bunch of no names. I think this defense will be their undoing. They may still get a wild card spot, but they will have to outscore teams to win, and with Kirk Cousins at the helm, that is not a very likely outcome.

At number 14 I have the New York Giants. I mean, why did they give so much money to Daniel Jones? He is a less athletic Kirk Cousins. He is not why this team wins games. He is just a game manager at his very best. The money they gave Jones should have gone to Saquon Barkley. He is why this offense works. He does EVERYTHING for this team and the front office could care less. The receiving corps is very mediocre. Again, they rely on Barkley for the run and pass game. They did sign Darren Waller, which I do like and he will help very much. The o line is awesome. They are one of the better overall units in the NFL. The defense is solid. The defense is in good hands. They play their roles very well. Kayvon Thibodeaux hasn't lived up to the massive hype yet, but he is incredibly talented. Leonard Williams is a very good d lineman. He can stop the run and contain the pass. The secondary is led by Adoree Jackson, and he has been fine so far. The linebackers play their parts to a T. The defense is good. Combine the d with Barkley and the Giants will be a playoff contender. Add on that the division stinks, they could very well find their way back to playoffs for a second straight year.

The final team for the day, at number 13 I have the Jacksonville Jaguars. They looked like they may be figuring things out during the second half of last season. Trevor Lawrence looked much better. He seems to be figuring it out and that is a big deal for this team. Travis Etienne is another year healthier and he and Lawrence form a solid backfield. Christian Kirk is a good wideout. Calvin Ridley can be even better than him. And Evan Engram looks to be putting it together at tight end. The o line does the job. The defense used to be what made them great a few years ago, and they are solid now, but with no big names. Travon Walker was the number one overall pick last year, but he is still very raw and finding his way. Josh Allen has been as good as everyone expected at linebacker. The d line is very good. The linebacking corps, led by Allen, plays physical football. The secondary is just fine. The Jags appear to be a much better team with what looks like some staying power. They are young, but they got playoff experience and they should build off that.

That is it for today. Come back tomorrow for the next four teams. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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