Thank God Kobe is Finally Leaving

The hoop will not miss Kobe, even if he misses it nearly 70% of the time

Over this past weekend Kobe Bryant announced his retirement from the NBA effective at the end of this season. I saw and read the story via The Players Tribune and my only thought was, "this was two years too late".

Now, I have a long standing dislike, some would say hatred, of Kobe Bryant the player and the person. I dislike Kobe Bryant the person because he seems like a curmudgeon that got away with sexual assault. The incident in Denver should have sent him to jail. I wholeheartedly believe that he had relations with that lady against her will and he got away with it. Why else would he buy his wife a very gaudy, very expensive piece of jewelry if he was innocent? No man or woman that is innocent would buy someone a gift to cover it up. That just doesn't happen. Then, he goes and changes his number from 8 to 24 and claims he's a new man. No, you are still the same person that forced yourself on an uncooperative woman. Daniel Tosh has a great stand up bit about him. The long and short of the bit is him changing his number and making a commercial saying things like, "hate me because I'm a champion", or "hate me because I work hard", but Tosh claims, and I agree, that, "no, we hate you because of the sexual assault". Hilarious and very, very true.

Kobe is also just a terrible teammate. I guess, this is where I transition into why I dislike Kobe Bryant the basketball player. When he first came into the league, he was gifted with having one of the greatest centers of all time fall into his lap. Shaquille O'Neal signed a free agent deal to be a Laker the year Bryant was drafted. So, Bryant should have been thrilled by this, right? The exact opposite. He constantly fought and complained with Shaq and the Laker front office. He wanted to be the man. Never mind the fact that Shaq was leading the Lakers to three consecutive titles and was opening the whole floor for Bryant, that wasn't good enough. He needed to be the franchise player. So, the Lakers caved and let Shaq walk. This was one of the dumbest decisions I've ever seen made in professional sports. A year or two after Shaq left, he went to the Miami Heat, they won a title. This was pre LeBron. This was Dwayne Wade in his prime. Wade showed how to play championship ball with Shaq. Instead of bitching and moaning about shots, he picked his spots and did whatever he had to do to win the title. After Shaq left, the newly led Kobe Bryant Lakers struggled. Sure, Bryant was putting up numbers, but the rest of the team suffered. Nobody else got the ball and when they did, if they missed a shot, Bryant gave them a death stare. They made the playoffs, but they never got out of the second round. They were languishing. 

In the summer of 2005 the Lakers rehired Phil Jackson, who said he'd never coach Kobe Bryant again. He came back to coach Kobe Bryant because that's what his girlfriend and partial owner of the Lakers, Jeanine Buss, wanted him to do. Phil Jackson is a great coach, and he gave Kobe Bryant another title, but it wasn't because Kobe Bryant willed his team to a championship, it was because the Celtics blew it. Boston should have won that series, but Kevin Garnett got hurt and Ray Allen got old and Paul Pierce cannot do it alone. Detractors and Bryant fans will scream and holler that he won that title for them and they wouldn't have been close without him, but that's not the case. Phil Jackson is one of the greatest coaches of all time and he figured out how to use the whole team around Bryant's ego. That's how they won that title. 

Look at the way he's "leading" this young, god awful Lakers team. Instead of mentoring the young core they have, he belittles them to the media. For example, the other night they got blown out by the Warriors and his comment was, "I could've scored 80 and it wouldn't have mattered". First of all, you can't score 80, not when you're shooting less than 35 percent from the field. Second of all, help these young guys out, don't just toss them off like trash. The Lakers have some good young players. Guys like D'Angelo Russell, Juilus Randle and Jordan Clarkson have the makings of being good NBA players, but Bryant's constant belittling is doing nothing but making these guys hate him and not perform to the best of their abilities. 

People say Kobe isa big competitor, yet look at how he handcuffed this franchise with his terrible contract. How much more money do you need? Do you need to buy your wife more gaudy jewelry? Two years, 44 million dollars. No wonder they can't sign any big time free agents. They can't afford anyone because they are paying the corpse of Kobe Bryant 20 million dollars a year. Now, he is one of the all time greats when it comes to scorers, but anyone would be if they shot the ball as much as Bryant. I don't have the stats in front of me, but I'd be willing to guess that in his 20 year career, he's led the league in attempted shots 14 or 15 times. He is also one of the most overrated defenders in the history of the NBA. The fact that he made multiple All NBA Defense teams is laughable. He made those teams because of his name, not his defensive ability. He was and still is a terrible defender. He can't guard anyone. 

To all these people coming to his defense, come on, Kobe Bryant is an asshole and you know it. You don't have to like someone because they play the same game as you. You can respect him, but you don't have to like him. And the comparisons to Michael Jordan need to stop forever. He will never be Michael Jordan. He won't even be Scottie Pippen. If Kobe Bryant played anywhere besides LA or New York, he wouldn't go down as one of the all time greats. Just think if he stayed in Charlotte, the team that drafted him. Would we still look at him as one of the greats? Even if he had the same stats? I don't think so. 

So, as I close it out, I say again, you should have quit two years ago when you blew out your Achilles. You haven't been the same competitor in ten years and you've handcuffed the Lakers franchise for the next couple of years. I hope this make you happy and I hope you retire during the year instead of at the end because you won't make it. You're either going to get hurt again, or you are going to look real bad like you have the first quarter of the season. You aren't doing anyone any favors by staying in the league. It's best for you to leave now. I can't say it enough, go away and never come back. 

Kobe will NOT be missed.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture Editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. He gave up Sprite and went to 7up when Kobe got his endorsement deal. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.