"Revenge of the Sith" is Still the Worst Star Wars Movie Ever

The badness of these movies is tiring

Before going on vacation last week, my wife recorded all three "Star Wars" prequels.

I have been very up front about my dislike for these since I watched all the "Star Wars" movies right after my daughter was born. I think these are horrendous movies. They are poorly written, acted, directed and just bad. I think these hipsters that claim to like them are lying to themselves. They need something to complain about, so they bash the JJ Abrams "Star Wars", but then claim to "truly enjoy" the prequles. That is wrong, and they are wrong. I beg people not to be these people. Just because something is new and different, don't bash it and pretend that a far inferior product is better. That's nonsense. I'd much, much rather see "The Last Jedi", "The Force Awakens", and mainly, "Rogue One" any day of the week over the terrible prequels. Maybe it is due to the fact that I saw them much later in life, and I have no real skin in the game, I just know what I like.

The prequels are inarguably bad. The first one, "The Phantom Menace" has 2 of the most racist characters ever, Jar Jar Binks and the Trade Federation dudes. Also, it is just dull. Too many counsel meetings, and the whole Anakin story is bland. Also, the pod racing scene, the one that is supposed to save this movie, I found it boring and poorly CGI'd. The only cool thing about the first one was Darth Maul.

Then we have "Attack of the Clones". What a pile of garbage. Hayden Christensen plays grown up Anakin, and man is he terrible in this movie. The whole "Sound of Music" scene between him and Padme, poor Natalie Portman, is so trite and stupid and childish and awful. It totally takes you out of the "Star Wars" world, and it just doesn't fit. Also, Christensen and Portman have zero chemistry.

The third one, "Revenge of the Sith", still stands alone as the worst of the bunch. I found myself, with this second viewing, hating it even more. Not only does the chemistry still not exist between Padme and Anakin, but this time around, Christensen's performance as Anakin/Darth Vader, is one of the worst, monotone and emotionless performances I've ever witnessed. I can never tell if he is happy, sad, evil, mad, in a fighting mood, wants to help or wants to be bad. He has the same dumb expression and talks the same way no matter what. Take the scene where he kills Samuel L Jackson. Christensen "cries", but when he does the deed, he just kind of stands there and moves his hands, and Jackson falls to his death. Then he says he will join the Dark Side with Palpatine, and his expression is no different. Or take the fight scene between him and Obi Wan on the lava lake. First off, that CGI is as bad as the pod racing scene. But, this scene had so much potential. And Ewan McGregor is giving his all. But Christensen just yells his line with the same straight face he has had on since the second movie. This could have saved this movie. This scene could've been a defining moment for Christensen's career. But he just stands around, says some nonsense is his monotone voice, gets his legs cut off and starts to burn, all the while, never changing inflection in his voice or screaming in agony when his legs are gone or upset that he has betrayed his teacher. He just kind of moans a bit and sits around.

But the worst is when he becomes Vader. "Rogue One" showed Vader perfectly in his one, horrifying scene. "Revenge of the Sith" does the opposite. While getting the Vader mask on, he asks very directly, with no change in is voice, if Padme is okay. Palpatine says she died in childbirth, and Christensen as Vader, and I believe James Earl Jones now doing the voice, yells, in a monotone voice, "Noooooooo". But he does it so poorly and robotically and just flat. It is truly awful.

I loathe these three movies, and "Revenge of the Sith" is, by far, the worst. This movie is far and away the worst of any "Star Wars" movies. I'd go even as far to say that it is worse than the Christmas Wookie movie that people say is bad. I bet you that is fun bad (ed note: It is not fun bad, it is bad bad). "Revenge of the Sith" is just bad bad. It is too long, too stupid and so, so, so boring. Christensen really screwed up his chance at becoming a mega star with his awful performance in this movie. He may be a solid actor, but he did not show it on the biggest stage. He stunk up the place in fact.

I will be happy if  never see this movie, or any of the prequels for that matter, again. They are loathsome movies.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. When Ty’s wife said she wanted to watch the prequels again, he lifted his arms and yelled to the heavens NOOOOOOO. That is some damn fine acting.

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Defending the "Star Wars" Prequels Doesn't Mean You are a Nerd. It Means You have Bad Taste in Movies

If we could only throw the prequels into lava and rebuild them to be more badass

Recently I have heard from some friends, and comedians, that they did not like "The Force Awakens". I thought, that's weird because they like most of the other "Star Wars" movies, and I personally thought that "The Force Awakens" was incredible. When I asked my friends, or heard the random comedians on their podcast explain why they disliked the movie, I thought that their points were rather weak. They claimed that JJ Abrams ruined what the original trilogy did, they said that it was too similar to the original trilogy, some did not like the new characters and so on and so forth. I disagree. 

First off, JJ Abrams revived "Star Wars" after the disastrous prequels. That is a fact with no alternative version. 

Second, with all the "remakes" or "updated versions" or "prequels" being made now, I applaud the fact that "The Force Awakens" hearkened back to the greatness that was "Star Wars", "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi". Those were great movies, as is "The Force Awakens". Again, there is no alternative telling of this fact.

Third, all the new characters are great. Finn, Rey, Poe, BB-8, Kylo Ren, all of them are perfect for the "Star Wars" universe. Anyone's alternative view of this fact is just plain lying. 

What this all leads me too, I think the whole "nerd culture", that has become not only acceptable, but extremely popular, has made these people that were once picked on, but are now revered and looked upon as a popular group of people, resent the fact that they are not unique anymore. So, to combat this newfound popularity, they have tried to find ways to try and return to being a "nerd", when "nerd" was uncool.

Now, I am not popular by any means, but I do not consider myself a "nerd" either. Also, I do not care if you identify as a "nerd", but the people that are condemning "The Force Awakens" and now saying that the prequels are better, stop it with that nonsense. The prequels are an unmitigated disaster. Those movies are absolute garbage, and anyone with functioning eyes, ears and taste can accept how bad those movies are. The narratives in all three are stupid. The action scenes, which may be the only good thing in those movies, are trite and pointless. When Anakin falls into that lava pit and becomes Darth Vader, I could not roll my eyes enough at how stupid that scene was. The new characters in the prequels, save for Jango Fett, are terrible. The prequels gave us quite possibly the most racist character in movie history since the crows in "Song of the South", in Jar Jar Binks. That was such a slap in the face of whatever the hell race and culture that George Lucas and company were trying to emulate. I know that Anakin became Darth, but he was a new character, and all he did was whine and complain. He was a brat. Padme, who could have been as badass as Princess Leia was instead, a "damsel in distress". It was disrespectful. Watto was just stupid and clearly a "lets see how far we can take CGI" excuse for a character. The only cool new character was Mace Windu, which they barely used and then killed in the third prequel. The prequels are trash.

This leads me to the main point today. The people that are condemning "The Force Awakens", and defending the prequels are contradicting themselves, and just trying to regain their "nerd" status. As I have said, if you talk to anyone that does not care about their status, or how "nerdy" they can truly be, they will tell you all the same stuff I have just written, and then some. I am no "Star Wars" expert, but I do know what a good and a bad movie looks like, and "The Force Awakens" is good, and the prequels, they are a flaming pile of trash. There is plenty of other stuff that the people that want to act like "nerd" culture isn't cool anymore can glomb onto. They do not need to bash "The Force Awakens" and defend the prequels.

To help the nerds so desperate to be different, I have some things for you to consider. How about comic books? Who really reads those anymore? That could make you feel "nerdy" again, if that is what you want so badly. Or, you can memorize who is on your favorite college football team. I can name every player on Michigan's football team, their coaches and their AD. Doesn't that sound super "nerdy"? I also know as much as there is to know about the mid 90's NBA. I know this stuff is sports, but I have put in as much effort and time as "Star Wars" "nerds" have put into knowing these minute, stupid, non essential things. Doesn't that make me just as much a "nerd" as die hard "Star Wars" fans.

What it all really boils down to, you can still like "The Force Awakens" and be a "nerd". So what if the movie is widely acclaimed and loved. So were the 3 original "Star Wars" movies. You do not need to defend the prequels. I do not think defending the prequels makes you more of a "nerd", it just shows me that you have shitty choice in movies and I need to stay away from you whenever you suggest a movie you'd think I'd like. I'm sure "Star Wars" fans will come at me, but the prequels are truly awful, and there is no argument to be had otherwise. Just accept that "nerd" culture is now cool, and no matter how far away you try to get from being a "nerd", you are now the popular kids that a lot of other kids want to be like. This is a good thing. But, defending the prequels is a bad and stupid thing. Those movies are dreadful and thank goodness for "The Force Awakens". It is a great movie, and you don't have to be a "nerd" to like it.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He thinks the idea of using "alternative facts" to paint bad movies as good ones is the most dangerous lie we have going in America. Nothing else is more damaging. Follow Ty on instagram and twitter.

SeedSing is funded by a group of awesome people. Join them by donating to SeedSing.

Ty Saw and Ranked All the Star Wars Movies

I find your rankings disturbing

Make sure to download the X Millennial Man podcast tomorrow (January 29th) to hear Ty and RD talk about the Star Wars movies.

I know I already wrote about "Star Wars" earlier this week, but I'm going to write about it again. This time though, I'm going to rank the movies from worst to best, in my personal opinion. Now, for everyone out there, I've just recently, within the past two months, seen every single "Star Wars" movie of importance. I did not watch the Christmas special and I have not seen any of the cartoons or TV shows that exist in the Star Wars universe. I have only seen the seven movies that were made. That's the basic information any reader needs going into my rankings. This is all very subjective as well. I'm, by my own admittance, a movie snob. I prefer comedies to any other genre of movie, but I also really like science fiction, noir and drama. But, I also recognize that a pop culture writer should see movies like the "Star Wars" movies because they are very influential and are involved with any big time pop culture. "Star Wars" is quoted and referenced in almost every pop culture thing that I've ever seen. And, with the nudging, I call it harassment, coming from my wife, cousins, friends and most importantly, our editor, RD, I caved and decided to watch every single movie. Before I get into my countdown, I watched them in a specific order. I watched episodes 4, 5 and 6 within two weeks of each other, then I watched episodes 1, 2 and 3 about a month later. Just last week I took my four year old and we saw episode 7 in the theaters. So, I have officially seen all seven movies, which in my mind makes me qualified to give my rankings. As I said at the top, I'll be going from what I think in the worst "Star Wars" movie to the best. On with the countdown.

Coming in at number 7, I have "Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith". This movie is pure, unadulterated garbage. Nothing about this movie is good. I didn't care about anyone or anything in this movie with the lone exception being the death of Mace Windu(Samuel L. Jackson). That was the only bummer to me. This movie is bad. Hayden Christensen is a terrible actor. He shows zero emotion and I don't buy his and Padme's(Natalie Portman) love story at all. Those two have no chemistry at all. The rest of the movie feels very scattered and poorly made. I HATED this movie.

Coming in at number 6 I have "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace". This was supposed to be the movie that brought "Star Wars" into the 21st century, or so I was told. This movie is boring. Too many federation meetings and stupid back stories about Anakin Skywalker. Also, could Anakin be more of a whiner? All he did was complain about everything. The pod racing scene, which I heard was cool, also felt very boring to me. I didn't care about it at all and by the end, I kind of wanted Sebulba to win. The only "cool" scene in "Phantom Menace" was the light saber battle between Qui Gon Gin, Obi Won Kenobi and Darth Maul. It was neat, but it also was pretty uneventful for something that's supposed to be a big deal in the Star Wars world. I wasn't shocked, nor upset when Qui Gon Gin got stabbed and even less surprised when Darth Maul got his. The double edged light saber was cool, but not nearly enough to save this piece of trash. Oh and the racist accents, that also sucked. 

Number 5 is the only prequel that has some cool stuff in it. The movie is still bad, but there are three pretty cool battle scenes. That movie is "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones". First, let's get the bad stuff out of the way. The scene between Anakin and Padme where they ride a mammoth type beast and frolic in the grass is dumb as hell. This scene should have been the first thing cut, but it made it into the movie. This was a terrible scene. Once again, Christensen and Portman have no chemistry and there are way too many federation meeting scenes. Now, there is the three battle scenes I mentioned. The first is the fight between Obi Wan and Jango Fett. That was a cool fight scene. There was the big battle at the end where we finally get to see Windu's purple light saber. That was cool. But, the best battle scene was between Count Dukuu and Yoda. When Yoda whips out his green light saber and begins his magic on Dukuu, I was legit excited. If they just had these three scenes in this movie, it might have been good, but they did all that other useless crap. Saying that "Attack of the Clones" is a good part of Star Wars is like saying that "Godfather 3" is better than "Speed 2: Cruise Control", it's still not a good movie.

Now, let's get to some better movies.

Number 4 is "Return of the Jedi". This one fell kind of flat for me, but it is still a million times better than the prequels. "Return of the Jedi" didn't need Ewoks and why on Earth was Han Solo all of the sudden a pushover, but the light saber battle between Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine and Luke is awesome. I wasn't crazy about the side characters like Jabba The Hut or Bib Fortuna, but it was some cool make up to see. And Luke using the force to rescue Leia and Han Solo was cool too. "Return of the Jedi" is good, but not as good as the movies I'm about to mention.

Coming in at number 3 I have "Star Wars: The New Hope". This movie is as influential to science fiction as "Citizen Kane" is to all movies. Without a "New Hope", we wouldn't have all the great science fiction movies we now have. This movie is incredibly influential. It's also a good movie. We meet the main characters in this one. Sure, Yoda doesn't show up until the second one, but we meet Luke, Leia, Han, Darth Vader and, my personal favorite, Chewbacca. This is a really cool movie and I thoroughly enjoyed my watching experience. It was exciting and adventurous and instead of saying, "I guess I have to watch these", my sentiment became, "I can't wait to watch all of them". That's a sign of a good movie.

Number 2 on my list is "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back". This movie is non stop, kick ass action for 2 plus hours. I loved everything about this movie. The opening scene in Hoth, when Luke gets captured and Han has to save him is awesome. We finally meet Yoda and he is as awesome as RD told me my entire life. The scenes when he is teaching Luke about the force is excellent writing and directing. Han Solo has one of the coolest lines ever spoken when he's about to be dipped in carbonite and Leia says, "I love you", Han replies, cool as shit I might add, "I know". That's awesome. And the light saber fight between Luke and Vader, where Vader tells him he's Luke's father and then cuts off his hand is incredible. "Empire Strikes Back" 100 percent lived up to its hype. It's an awesome, super enjoyable movie.

Which brings me to my number one, "Star Wars: The Force Awakens". I wrote a mini review earlier this week and I still stand by how much I love this movie. I could've seen it without seeing the others and I would have loved it. It's a great action movie that also has drama, comedy and heart breaking moments. The acting, writing and directing were top notch. "The Force Awakens" is such a well made movie that completely restores a franchise that looked lost after the prequels. There is nothing wrong at all with this movie. Now, hard core "Star Wars" fans may find problems with it, but me, just being a lover of movies, I thought it was perfection.

So, that's my personal rankings of the "Star Wars" movies. Take it or leave it, but this is how I feel about a pretty decent franchise of movies. If I had to give any advice to first time viewers, I'd say watch episodes 4 and 5 and then 7. You could probably skip the rest and still be satisfied. I will say though, "Star Wars" has gained a new fan.

I'm excited for episode 8.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture Editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He thought the prequels could have been better if there was some more Kit Fisto. Everything needs more Kit Fisto. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.