Ty says Boo-Urns to Halloween

AHHHHHHH

Today is Halloween eve.

I don't care for Halloween as I mentioned in my blog yesterday. Today, I'm going to give specific reasons why I dislike this "holiday" but, I'm also going to tell you things that I do enjoy about this time of year.

Let's get to the annoying stuff. First of all, adults dressing up in costumes. This is fine if you have kids and you dress as a family, I get that. For example, my three year old is going as the Hulk this year, so my wife is going as Catwoman, she's wearing kitty ears and will have a bit of face makeup, our three week old is going as a mini Catwoman, she has a sleeper with cats on it, and I'm going as the Punisher, I'm wearing a Punisher t shirt. This is fine in my opinion because, this holiday is for kids, and more specifically, toddlers. Toddlers like dressing up, going house to house showing off their costumes and getting candy. That's what Halloween should be about and parents dressing up with their kids is totally acceptable. The problem I have is the people in their mid 20's and early 30's, kid free, using Halloween as an excuse to dress slutty, offensive or down right stupid. I'm sick of young kids dressing like "sexy kitty cats", or "nurses". Look at the movie "Mean Girls", and you'll know what I'm talking about. These teens use Halloween as an excuse to dress inappropriate. Or, take Julianne Hough last year thinking it was okay to dress in black face because she went as Crazy Eyes from "Orange is the New Black". That's so wrong and extremely offensive on so many levels. Don't use Halloween as your excuse for being a racist Ms.Hough. And guys with their dumbass " God's gift to women" costumes or their "sexy firefighter" bull shit, give it a rest. You're all a bunch of douchebag wannabe frat boys and you make me sick. Halloween is for kids and candy, not for dumbass Millenials that need another excuse to get drunk and act like morons. Grow up.

I also am completely fed up with the stupid Halloween puns. If I have to hear one more time about"spooktacular" savings or "prices so low they'll frighten you", I'm going to destroy my television. I don't understand the marketing for this. Do they want me to be afraid that I'm going to save money? I thought that was a good thing. I've also been watching a lot of Food Network with my wife who's on maternity leave. They have a show called "Chopped" and instead of sticking with this name, which is a pretty good name for a cooking show, they've been calling it "Choppedtober". That doesn't make any sense. Why add tober because it's October? Why don't they call it "Choppedgust" in August or "Choppedcember" in December? Why does October and Halloween only get this treatment? It's totally baffling and pretty god damn stupid.

I also don't enjoy being frightened and I hate scary movies. I've been to one haunted house in my entire life and I had to remove myself from the situation almost immediately because a worker dressed as a clown scared me so much, I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I'm terrified of clowns and during Halloween, people dressed as clowns, especially creepy clowns, scare me more than anything I've ever encountered in my life. I don't like that people prey on other people that are scared of certain things by dressing in a costume as someone's fear. That's the worst thing about haunted houses. They're designed to startle you, and who really likes being startled? It doesn't feel good. And scary movies, no thank you. This is pretty much the same thing as haunted houses. I know that they're fake, but it doesn't change the fact that they scare me. I saw the "Shining" once, at a sleep over when I was a teenager and that movie still haunts me to this day. My wife suggested we watch it during the day on Halloween and I immediately said no. There's no way I'm going to watch that movie because I know the consequences that will come afterward. I'd much rather watch something like "Cabin in the Woods" or "Evil Dead". Sure, those movies are scary, but they're also campy and hilarious. I don't like straight up horror movies. Never have and I never will.

Now there are some good things about this time of year. First of all, the candy. My god it's everywhere, and 90 percent of it is delicious. Give me a Reese's pumpkin or any kind of chocolate treat and I'm happy as a clam. I love all candy this time of year except for the most foul, grossest shit ever created, candy corn. I also really like pumpkin seeds and I love pumpkin pie. Those are two great things that come out this time of year. My wife loves the pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks and that's only available through November. I love the season. Leaves are falling, there's a nip in the air and it's a good time to be out doors. We get a new "Treehouse of Horror" this time of year, as I explained yesterday. We also get to turn back the clocks one hour, gain that extra sleep, and have shorter, colder days. I like this.

There's a lot of bad, but there's also some good. I may hate Halloween, but at least Thanksgiving, Christmas, cold weather and family gatherings are right around the corner. As a lady on a recent "Chopped" said, "my favorite part about Halloween is November 1st". I whole heartedly agree with her and I love this sentiment. Only two more days until this dumb "holiday" is over.

We've almost made it.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. His fear of clowns was reinforced by a bean bag toss board painted like a clown and a faulty laser tag gun. Ask him all about by following Ty on twitter @tykulik.