What Does it Mean to Know that Marge and Homer Simpson are Only 34?

After college, this is the next place we all are heading towards.

I was watching "The Simpsons" the other day because FX rules and they play it 5 days a week for at least 4 hours everyday. The episode I happened to watch was a very, very early one. If I think about it, it was probably in season 2 or 3. So that means this particular episode premiered in either 1990 or 1991. That would have put me at either 8 or 9 years old.

Anyways, this episode had Marge having a breakdown. The kids were yelling at her and Homer was showing her no love at all. Basically everyone in her family was treating her like dirt. Marge became so fed up, she called into Dr. Marvin Monroe's radio show. That sentence should tell you how old the episode is. Where my hardcore fans at? She called in to complain about her family and the way they were hurting her.

Throughout all the complaints, one stood out to me and I cannot stop thinking about it. She told Dr. Monroe that she was "34, stuck in a loveless marriage with 3 kids that gave her nothing but trouble". Now, my marriage is wonderful. We argue about stupid stuff here and there, but what married couple doesn't. And my kids, while they can be very, very annoying at times, and sometimes I yearn for the days when it was just me and wife and dog, I love them more than anything in the world. I also wanted to know what love is, thanks Foreigner, but I really knew what love was when I met my wife. I now know what love means even more since we've had our 2 kids. I am well versed in the knowing of love.

The thing that stuck out most to me was Marge saying her age. She is/was 34. Back in 90 or 91, 34 seemed so old. But, watching this episode the other day, that really stayed with me. I am now 34. In fact, I'll be 35 in December of this year. So that means, since no one on "The Simpsons" ever ages, I will be older than both Homer and Marge. That is so bizarre to me. It was so wild that I am in a similar situation as Homer and Marge. I am 34, I have only 2 kids and only a dog, but still pretty similar. So the fact that they never age, I will be older than both of them by next year.

I've had similar stuff like this in life happen lately. A few years back I was watching college football and I had this same sensation. I was in my late 20's, and I was complaining about some Michigan freshman not doing what he was supposed to do on a play. Then my dad let me know that he was only 18, and think about all the stupid mistakes I made when I was 18. Since then, I've eased up a bit on Michigan football. I still watch and flinch and squirm and my mood can be altered by the outcome, but since these kids are half my age, I do not yell and scream as much as I used to. Hell, I'm 12 years older than the seniors on the team now. Same thing with college basketball. I do not get nearly as mad because I am so much older than all college basketball players.

It is starting to become the same thing in pro sports. I was livid with KD leaving for Golden State last year. But then I sat down, realized he is only 25, and he can do whatever he wants. He is 9 years my junior. Hell, I'm older than LeBron James, and he takes a ton of scrutiny, a lot from me, but he mostly handles it like an adult. I'm older than a lot of NFL players too. Sure, Tom Brady and Drew Brees are a few years older than me, but Cam Newton, Aaron Rodgers, Khalil Mack and Jadeveon Clowney are all much younger than me. In fact, when pro athletes get to be my age, they are considered in the "twilight" of their careers. They are either retired, or close to retirement.

Even outside of sports, say in Hollywood, I'm considered old. I would be more of some young genius' muse if I were in movies or TV. Or, I'd be the much older brother that is either a screw up, or drops some excellent, poignant advice to my younger sibling.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, I've always known that I was getting older, but Marge saying that she was 34 on a very, very old "Simpsons" episode really hit me hard in the chest. I feel young, but I know that I'm not that young anymore. Hell, I played basketball 2 days ago and I'm still recovering. I wake up with aches and pains from old sports injuries everyday now. I have to stretch all the time in case I may pull a muscle. I need to take naps at random times because my kids have worn me out. We all get old, but Marge proclaiming her age finally made me realize that I am not a teenager, or even in my 20's anymore. That is kind of unsettling, but also helps me realize that I am doing things the best I can, and I think I am doing them pretty well. I love my wife, she loves me. My kids are healthy and happy and they love me too. My dog is well behaved and he tolerates me.

Being 34 is not so bad, but it does mean that I am closer to 40 than I am to 20. Like it or not, I am becoming an old man. Hopefully I have, at least, another good 34 plus years ahead of me.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. This post made the head editor angry. RD is in his young forties and feels like he is actually in his twenties. Except when he does yard work, or exercises, or thinks of bills, then RD feels like he is in his eighties.

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