Ranking Every Episode of "G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero" Introduction

Growing up in the 1980’s my Saturday mornings were filled with cartoons that were blatant thirty minute adverts for the toys that connected to the show. On top of that, during the commercial breaks my young impressionable mind was seeing thirty second spots enticing us with sugary cereals, video games, and so many toys. It was an awesome time to be a kid. The 1980’s were truly a golden age of advertisement directed to children.

“G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero” premiered on September 12th, 1983. The first series, known now as “The M.A.S.S. Device”. ran for five straight weekdays. The series was a follow up to the revamped 3 and 3/4 inch toyline and the Marvel comic book series that both premiered in 1982. After the success of the first miniseries, G.I. Joe was back in September of 1984 with a new five part mini-series, “The Revenge of Cobra”. The second series was also a big hit, mainly due to the fact the toy line was expanding, and the series featured these new characters like Flint, Lady Jaye, Zartan, the Dreadnoks, and the great Shipwreck.

With two hit miniseries, “G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero” was given the full season order in 1985. The third miniseries “The Pyramid of Darkness” premiered in September, and was followed by fifty more episodes. In September of 1986 the five parter “Arise, Serpentor, Arise” kicked off season two, and was followed by twenty five new thirty minute adventures for the Joes and Cobra. Each season also saw the introduction of new characters who had corresponding toys at your local stores.

“G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero” was a big part of my childhood. The episodes aired on weekday afternoons in suburban St. Louis. I would rush home from school to watch my favorite toy line have adventures on my television. The next day my friends and I would talk about G.I.Joe, play with our G.I. Joe toys, and talk about what new G.I. Joe toys we wanted. I was more obsessed with G.I. Joe than I was even with Star Wars.

Decades later, being an adult, I looked back fondly on G.I. Joe, but never gave it much thought. I saw the two live action movies and thought they were ok. The second one is much better than the first, but I was not overly excited about the films. Around the time my son was born, Netflix had the original Marvel/Sunbow run of the cartoon on their new streaming service. When I would sit with my infant son trying to get him to sleep, I would watch my old favorite cartoon.

I was pleasantly surprised that I still loved the show. I also realized that a lot of my progressive political ideas came from this toy commercial about war toys. Lady Jaye is the most competent leader the Joe’s have. There were episodes that dealt with environmental issues, inner city gangs, global fiscal policy, reliance on technology, the dangers of television, the dangers of trying to pursue beauty, and pacifism. There were a few culturally insensitive moments, looking at the character of Spirit, but these cringe worthy moments are very few compared to what was going on in media at the time. The point is that “G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero” is a show I enjoyed as a kid, it left an obvious mark on the way I see the world, and I still love it to this day.

During the pandemic, I went back to watch all 95 episodes of the original series. In the spirit of list articles, I went out to the internet to find a ranking from worst to best of the show. I found nothing. There were plenty of top ten lists, but no in depth list of all 95 episodes. I decided to do something about it. After a bunch of research and note taking, I have come up with the definitive ranking of the original run of “G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero”. Like the classic show itself, I will release an article for five straight days. If you love the original series, I hope to bring back some joy in going back to the series. If you have never watched, please continue to read and behold the craziness of a show about military people fighting a circus of bad guys. In the end, I hope you all enjoy, or get mad, about these rankings.

Before I do start, a quick note on a few things.

I have ranked multi-part episodes as one story. Yes the show had 95 episodes, but in my rankings it told 74 stories. That is why the rankings start at 74.

I have not ranked the PSA’s that were shown after each episode. I may do that in the future.

I have not include the 1987 animated movie. If I had included it in the rankings, I would have ranked it near the bottom. I do have some nostalgic joy thinking of the movie, but it seemed very out of place from the original show. I know it’s hard to believe that a show which featured magical swords, a centuries old well monster, and ghosts, that Cobra-La is a bridge too far for me.

This is a ranking of just the Marvel/Sunbow run of the cartoon. I have not ranked any other animated forms of G.I. Joe. The DiC stuff would be at the rock bottom, the Extreme stuff is surprisingly good, I have not seen Spy Troops or Resolute, and I think the Renegades series is awesome, but none of it really relates to this first run.

Last, I want to thank a few outside sources I went to in order to rank these episodes with the most scientific means necessary. YoJoe.com is the definitive G.I. Joe website out there. The definitive podcast about G.I. Joe is Joe on Joe. I could not have been accurate in these rankings without those two outside sources.

Come back tomorrow to see the first episodes in my rankings.

Yo Joe.

RD

RD is the founder and Head Editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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