Having More Time Makes any Book Better than the Movie

Make sure your book has charged batteries before you take the time to read

So, for all of my posts this week, I wanted to try something a bit different. My wife and I were talking the other day and she told me that I should argue a point that I don't necessarily agree with. All five posts this week will be topics given to me that I have expressed a dislike for to, either my wife or everyone who reads my blog, but I have to give the opposite view. I have to explain why these things are actually true, or that they at least have some good qualities. This is going to be a weird, but also very fun, and maybe even a bit difficult, but I'm up to the task.

My fifth, and final, topic sentence of the week from my wife, "books are always better than their TV/movie adaptation. This sounds like it should be an easy one, but I'm the type of person that will watch a show, or see the movie first, before I read the book. Case and point, I saw the movie "Friday Night Lights", then read the book, then watched the TV show. I will say, the book was the best, but I enjoyed the movie a hell of a lot more than the show, but the show was great. An example that is contrary to my wife's belief, I adore both "One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest" and "A Clockwork Orange", but I find the books almost unreadable. I also loved what Spike Jonze did with "Where the Wild Things Are". I thought that book would be nearly impossible to bring to the big screen, but he achieved that very task. But, I do see why my wife, and a lot of other people, feel that books are better than their adaptations.

Here goes with my answer to why books are better.

First off, movies and TV shows have a time limit, unless you are Richard Linklater or Judd Apatow, and you make your movies a million hours long. The directors and writers usually get 2, sometimes 2 and a half hours to tell a story. When the writer writes their book, they can use as many pages as they want. They can make their book 100 to 1,000 pages, if they choose. My first example is "The Hobbit". I believe that there is one book and three movies. The book is about 200 to 250 pages long, but it is filled with some of the best imagery in writing. That book took my mind to a world that I did not think was possible. I never thought of trolls, giants, any of the stuff in "The Hobbit", but after reading it, I had this whole world dreamed up in my head. Then, Peter Jackson, who I think is a very capable director, made three of the most boring, over long movies ever when he adapted "The Hobbit". He made three movies, each well over 2 hours, and that just did not have to happen. He could have done one 3 hour long movie that encompassed the entire book, but he chose to divide the short story into three  2 plus hour movies and they were not very good, in my opinion. The world I dreamed in my head was not Peter Jackson's vision for the movie. And that is okay, everyone has different ideas. But, why did each movie have to be so damn long? That was unnecessary. J R R Tolkien created a much better world in one short book. Peter Jackson got a little too big for his britches after the "Lord of the Rings" success and made the "Hobbit" movies entirely too long. This is one case where I completely agree that the book is so much better than the movie.

Now, my second example is going to make me sound pretentious, but this topic is pretentious, and where else can I be pretentious than on the internet, but every Bret Easton Ellis book is so, so much better than their movie adaptation. For those that don't know, Ellis wrote, among things, "American Psycho", "The Rules of Attraction" and "Less Than Zero". Let's first look at "American Psycho". That book is about as disturbing and violent as it gets. The imagery in that book is frighteningly real. I could not read that book before bed for fear of having nightmares. The description of the heinous acts still haunts me, and I haven't read that book in well over a year. But, the movie left a lot to be desired. I get that they couldn't make the movie nearly as brutal as the book, but therein lies the problem with adapting a book. The book has more time and can paint a realistic picture. Movies, 2 hours and out. While the book "American Psycho" terrified me, the movie was kind of blah. Then, I read "Less Than Zero". That book is a brutal look into the life of wealthy Californian kids that suffer with real problems, like drug addiction, divorce and having too much wealth way too young. The way Ellis described this stuff in the book made it seem real to me. I could picture these kids. Hell, I knew some of these kids. But, the movie, save for Robert Downey Jr, almost played like an after school special. The movie didn't take the chances that the book did. But, I'm sure that the agents of the young actors didn't want their clients to do some of the stuff in the book because it could have tarnished their image. That's a bummer because that movie could have been great. And, "The Rules of Attraction" book was so much better than the garbage movie they made. The book focused, again, on rich, white college students with problems. But, the book had a little humor to it that made it very enjoyable. I would read some stuff and laugh out loud, but then I'd be brought back down immediately by something heart breaking. The movie, on the other hand, was trash. The director and casting agents picked young "stars" like James Van Der Beek and Jessica Biel, and tried to make them look angsty and tough. Well, no matter how much fake cocaine Jessica Biel does, or how many fights Van Der Beek got in, I couldn't help but laugh, and not in a good way, at the performances in the movie. It was terrible. Ellis himself proved to be a bad movie writer himself when he made that god awful movie with Lindsay Lohan and a porn star, but he is a novelist, not a movie writer.

One final example I have is "James and the Giant Peach". I loved this book as a kid. This was one of the first chapter books I read in elementary school. Roald Dahl was, and still is, a genius in my opinion. The book is so imaginative and so beautifully written. Again, the imagery in my mind is wonderous. But, the movie just couldn't compare. They even tried with an animated movie, but it was not the same. This time, at least, the movie was halfway decent, but it was nowhere near as cool as the book.

I'm sure there are thousands of other examples, but these are the ones that came to my mind immediately. Tell me and my wife about some other ones in the comment section. But, I do have to agree, once again, with my wife. Books are usually much, much better than their adaptations.

Ty with a little help from his wife

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is already upset the movie version of his life will leave out the part where he spun the world backwards and saved Lois Lane. Movies need to run on time. You should follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.

Treehouse of Horrors is one of the only good things about Halloween

No trick or treating for me. The Simpsons is on.

With Halloween only two days away, FXX has been showing all of the "Treehouse of Horrors" episodes of "The Simpsons".

It's been quite nice.

I wasn't a big fan of the first iterations of these Halloween themed episodes, but since I met my wife, I've grown to enjoy them quite a bit. She has always been a fan and she has turned me into one as well. When they first started to show up, around the second season I believe, they took them too seriously, in my opinion. The first "THOH" was and still is a classic, but the three stories were pretty dark, especially the "Raven" segment. They took Edgar Allan Poe's famous poem , made Homer the main guy from the story and had a raven that had Bart's head super imposed on it. He recited the poem as Homer went crazier and crazier. It was funny in some parts, but for a "Simpsons" episode, it was dark. Homer went insane. This became a tradition after the huge hit that was their first "THOH". They do one every year, usually airing them the week after or a week before Halloween. Today, I'm going to tell you about some of my personal favorites and some of my wife's favorites. I'll pick out mainly segments because sometimes the whole episode isn't great, but of the three segments, one is usually a home run.

I want to start with a recent "THOH". Season 26 had a great second segment with "A Clockwork Yellow". Barney, Homer and Moe played the cronies from "A Clockwork Orange", with Moe playing the Malcolm McDowell character, Alex. This was a fantastic spoof of a classic movie. Moe went through all the same things Alex did, but played it for laughs. For example, when Alex was being reprogrammed, they forced his eyes open and made him watch horrific videos of heinous crimes. In the "Simpsons" "THOH", they did a close up of Moe, eyes pried open like Alex's, but he says, "this is the only way I can sit through terrible Fox programming". It was genius. My favorite part of the segment was when Homer, playing the oafish thug, meets Marge and they play the scene where, in "A Clockwork Orange", it's very sexually graphic and pretty gross, "The Simpsons" played it with Homer eating massive amounts of food, sleeping and totally ignoring Marge. They pulled it off like only "The Simpsons" can.

Season 12 had a great opening segment to their "THOH". It was entitled "G-G-G-Ghost Dad" and it was about Homer's death being for told via a newspaper horoscope. Despite the family's hesitance to let Homer leave, he does anyway, not scared of death, and awaiting a comment from a "handsome" co worker, he presumes it will be Lenny. On his way to work, Homer gets hit by a pick axe, nearly misses being crushed by a metal structure, has an unexplained growth thing and gets bitten by a rattlesnake. He arrives at work and gets his compliment from Lenny, saying," if I may compliment you Homer, that's a mighty nice rattlesnake biting your arm". He arrives home and is fine, but then he eats one single piece of broccoli and immediately dies. He becomes a ghost, eats the broccoli again, dies again and becomes a ghost once more. He has to do one good deed before he can get into heaven, and all his attempts end in failure until he saves a crying baby from going into a busy intersection. Unfortunately, the angel doesn't see this and Homer is banished to hell where Satan gives him noogies and weggies while saying "ha ha" the whole time. It's hilarious.

One of my favorite "THOH" of all time is from season 10, titled "Hell Toupee". In this segment, Homer gets a hair transplant from newly dead convict Snake. At first everything is all peaches and cream and Homer looks great. But, prior to dying, Snake tells the three people that ratted him out that he was going to get them. After the hair transplant, at night, the hair takes over for Homer and controls his actions. He gets revenge on both Apu and Moe, two of the three guys that ratted him out. The third is Bart. This is where the conflict begins. Homer and his new hair do trap Bart is his room, and Bart does everything in his power to convince his dad to not hurt him. Homer finally rips the hair off, thus saving Bart, but the hair comes to life and tries to get him. They get the hair off Bart and while it's trying to escape one of the funniest moments on the "Simpsons" occurs. The hair, that has sideburns, lifts one of the sideburns, a la a fist, and wags it in anger before Chief Wiggum guns it down. It's a classic "THOH" segment.

My personal favorite "THOH" is from season 8 entitled "Citizen Kang". This one is great from top to bottom. We get Bob Dole and Bill Clinton impressions. Kang and Kodos become Dole and Clinton. While dressed like Dole and Clinton, Kang and Kodos hold hands to " give each other protein strains", speak in their typical monotone voice and are together constantly. We get great lines like, "abortions for none, BOO!, ok, abortions for all, BOO!, ok, abortions for some, miniature American flags for all, yeah!" or, " well, I guess I'll just vote for a third party candidate. Go ahead throw your vote away, ha ha ha" and, my favorite coming from Kent Brockman, " Clinton's contributors credited his attitude to an over tight neck tie" when talking about Kang disguised as Clinton saying something very wrong. This is, by far, the best segment of any "THOH" that "The Simpsons" has put out.

I know that my wife loves any "THOH" that has Kang and Kodos involved. She really liked the new one where Sideshow Bob finally gets Bart and keeps killing him over and over again, she's a big Sideshow Bob fan. I know she likes the segment where you find out Maggie is really Kang's daughter and they go on "Jerry Springer". Those three are just off the top of my head. She likes them all, but she talks to me about those more than others.

For all the flack that I give Halloween as a "holiday", I truly despise it, at least we do get a new "THOH" every year. I know that they will always be good because it's part of "The Simpsons" universe and pretty much everything they do is great. "THOH" may be one of the few things I like about Halloween. I still have to deal with the stupid puns and people in their 20's and 30's, with no kids, dressing up like it's a real holiday, but at least I get one thing that I know I'll enjoy and that I look forward to every Halloween.

I guess I'm trying to say, Halloween will always be lame, but "The Simpsons" will always deliver with a great new "Treehouse of Horror".

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. He likes people and thinks clown make-up is ok, but people wearing clown make-up are the worst. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.