Let Me Respectfully Explain Why Macklemore Sucks

The only good place to store Macklemore's "music"

Today I'm going to go back in time and do one of my favorite things, explain why I irrationally hate something. I usually save this for sports teams, but today, my sole focus for my hatred will be squarely on a "rapper". Many of you may have just read that sentence and assumed that I will be talking about Drake today, but not so fast. I'll save him for another day. I have also shit on him a lot on the podcast.

But, today I was driving in my car listening to my Pandora stations on shuffle, and something so damning to my ears came on that I got literally upset. I yelled at Pandora as if the AI could hear me for what they'd done to me. I felt like tossing my phone out of the car because of how angry I was that Pandora's AI thought I would want to hear anything from the "rapper" Macklemore. 

I DESPISE Macklemore. I think he is one of, if not the, most overrated "emcees" of all time. And yes, I'm going to continue to use quotes throughout this whole article because he is one fake ass "rapper".

Macklemore first jumped on my radar in 2013 with the horrendous song, "Thrift Shop". Everyone I knew loved this song, but me. I could not stand it. I did not like the hook. I thought that the beat was terrible, at best. I loathed the video for this song. But, what irked me most was this phony new "rapper" Macklemore trying to rap. It was disgusting. He sounds like a white guy trying to rap. That is not a compliment. You know when you hear someone like Eminem, El-P or Mike Skinner(AKA The Streets), and they sound like a legit rapper? That is the opposite feeling I got when I heard Macklemore. He was trying so hard to be a "rapper", where with real rappers, it just comes naturally. Of course "Thrift Shop" blew up. It was everywhere. Try as I might, I could not get away from the song. Every party, gathering, radio station or place I went or listened to, that damn song was on. It never grew on me at all. It had the opposite effect. The more I heard it the more I hated it.

People then looked for what he was going to do next, and to everyone else around him I give credit, his next single was "Same Love". This song has a great message, just a terrible messenger. If this had just been the lady singing who sang the hook, I would have been totally on board with this track. As I have said, I love and respect and agree with the message behind "Same Love", but, every time I hear Macklemore's dumbass "rap", I get angry.

A great spoof of how horrific a messenger Macklemore is was Andy Samberg as Connor 4 Real in "Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping" when he sang the song "Equal Rights". It is almost indistinguishable as to which guy is singing which song, and Andy Samberg was making a joke. That should, in and of itself, be enough evidence that Macklemore is an absolute joke.

Of course his record "The Heist" went on to win multiple Grammys, including beating out Kendrick Lamar's "Good Kid, M.A.D.D. City" for best rap record. That is one of the biggest "upsets" in the history of the stupid Grammys. In my opinion, that ranks right up there with Jethro Tull beating out Metallica for Best Heavy Metal Album, which many people see as the biggest upset in Grammys history. To make himself look even worse though, Macklemore supposedly texted an apology to Kendrick Lamar, telling him he deserved the award. What a douchebag. Just take your prize and let it be. I'm positive Kendrick Lamar doesn't give a second thought to the Grammys because he is way too busy making relevant, meaningful, incredible music. Only a moron like Macklemore would think that Kendrick Lamar would want an apology text from him. This was so stupid.

Then, Macklemore went on to show up in a multitude of Dr. Pepper commercials, claiming he was an independent artist who did things on his own terms. He would then take a sip of a Dr. Pepper at the end of these commercials claiming to be an "independent artist". This is such a sell out move. Just admit you did it for the money. Every musician and band does this now. It doesn't make you a sell out, unless you come across like Macklemore did in these stupid Dr. Pepper commercials. Some of my favorite bands, like the Black Keys for one main example, sell their songs to commercials all the time. I don't care because they don't come out and try and explain why they sold their music. I know why, they're getting paid a shit ton of money to do it. I'd do the same thing. Macklemore's Dr. Pepper commercials reminded me of myself when I was 17 and claimed anyone I liked that performed on TV or had one of their songs in a big time commercial was a sell out. Let me repeat my age, I was 17. Macklemore acts like a 17 year old. He also went on to do more stupid commercials, I don't even know what for, but he and Russell Wilson were hanging out. They said it was the Seattle connection, but I just saw a couple of holier than thou douchebags shilling some nonsense, and I hated those commercials too.

Many people anticipated Macklemore's second record, I couldn't have cared less, and it was a total flop. Again, I go to the "Popstar" comparison. Just like "Connquest" was a colossal failure for Conner 4 Real, so was "The Unruly Mess I've Made" for Macklemore. It was a colossal critical and monetary failure. That album got incredibly panned by critics and fans alike. I assumed the unruly mess he was talking about was his terrible "rapping", but I'm sure he was talking about some other bull shit that he thought made him seem semi important.

I hope this is the end of his "rap" career because he is garbage. I also do not know one single person, nor has anyone come to me and said, I'm a Macklemore fan. I know he sold millions of records, but I do not know one single person that owns a Macklemore single or record. It is a lot like The Black Eyed Peas with Fergie. I know they sold records, but I don't know one single person that claims to be a fan. Macklemore is trash and he should quit music forever. I hope it happens sooner rather than later.  

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He was at the thrift shop yesterday and saw all of Macklemore's music for $.99. Follow Ty on instagram and twitter.

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Relive, and Debate, Great Music with "The Rap Yearbook"

Time to download the book about all of our favorite downloaded songs

I just finished another book by another former Grantland writer, and, once again, I really enjoyed it. I just recently finished and reviewed the very excellent "Boys Among Men: The Preps to Pro Generation that Changed the NBA" by Jonathan Abrams. So, naturally I figured another Grantland writer would have an equally as good book. The book I chose was "The Rap Yearbook" by Shea Serrano.

"The Rap Yearbook" was given to me as a gift, and I was putting off reading it until I caught up on some other reading, but boy am I glad that I read this book. It is widely known that I'm a big hip hop fan. I've written about a lot of hip hop groups and have been listening to hip hop for many, many years. This book is a great read about the most important, not best, rap songs from the years 1979 to 2014. It was absolutely fascinating. Serrano is just around my age, so we have very similar taste in older hip hop, but very different taste in more recent hip hop.

Serrano picked the most important song for each year, so it wasn't necessarily the best. It was the most important/influential song during it's particular year. The early years are easy to agree with. In 1979 he has Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight". Obvious choice. Some other obvious choices that are very hard to disagree with, 1980 Kurtis Blow's "The Breaks", 1982 Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "The Message", 1987 Eric B and Rakim's "Paid in Full", 1988 N.W.A's "Straight Outta Compton", basically all the late 80's, early 90's stuff is easily and correctly chosen. He also writes a few paragraphs as to why the song is the most important. He points out what the song is about, why it's important, the influence it had, the message it sends, Serrano pretty much breaks down every legit reason why the particular song is the song of the year.

The author and I definitely differ when it comes to 21st century hip hop, and that makes this book great. Serrano seems to think that more popular artist put out more significant songs. I understand why he thinks this. The more popular the artist, the more people it reaches, thus making it more important. I just prefer more underground, lesser known hip hop artists. That's my particular taste. I'd rather listen to Murs or Mr. Lif or Dilated Peoples than Kanye or Drake or, god help me, Macklemore. But, as I said above, I totally understand why he picks those people. Serrano may like more lesser known artists too, but that would not make for a good book for more than half the hip hop listening community. So, in the 21st century, he picks some songs that I disagree with. In 2005, he picks Kanye West's "Gold digger". Yeah, it's a popular song, with a very good beat, but I don't think any song featuring an actor, Jamie Foxx, should be considered. Also, the song is very misogynistic. But, I don't know what I would put in it's place. That's where Serrano has me beat. Serrano also picks other stuff I don't agree with in the 2000's. Stuff like 2008 Lil Wayne's "A Milli". It's a fine song, but Lil Wayne had peaked already by that time and he was definitely on a down swing. It felt more like a lifetime achievement to put him in this book. For 2009 he picked Drake's "Best I Ever Had". Drake is a terrible rapper and an even worse bandwagon sports fan. Drake stinks, his music stinks and he will be irrelevant in about 5 years. Drake does not belong in this book. For 2012, he picks Macklemore's "Same Love". Sure, the song has a very good message, but it is not a good rap song. Macklemore is the biggest poser in the history of music. He is worse than Elvis. He calls himself independent, but he does nation wide commercials and carries himself like a jackass. "Same Love" is important, but not because of Macklemore and I'm sure there is much better, much more important songs from 2012. Macklemore, in my opinion, is as bad as Drake. They are corporate rappers that make corporate, shitty rap music. For 2013 and 2014 Serrano picked two songs I didn't recognize. For 2013 he picked Big Sean's "Control" and it wasn't until I read why he picked it that it was the coming out party for Kendrick Lamar. Personally, he could've picked any song from Lamar's debut album, "good kid, m.A.A.d city" as the most important song of 2013 and it would have been a better choice. In 2014 he picked a song I never heard of by Rich Homie Quan and Young Thug called "Lifestyle". His reasoning was more about the emergence and weirdness of Young Thug than the music. Ok by me.

Another thing that makes "The Rap Yearbook" a great book is the collaborations. In each chapter, Serrano brings a fellow writer or friend in and they give their rebuttal to what should be the song of the year. So, we get at least two different perspectives in each chapter. Serrano isn't married to his choice and that makes him a wonderfully gifted writer. He wants outsiders points of view and ideas. He's open to hearing why he is wrong and why someone else is right. I love that.

"The Rap Yearbook" is a must read for all fans of rap music and music in general. It's fascinating and it brings you back to that time in your life. I knew exactly where I was when I first heard his 1999 choice, Eminem's "My Name Is". I can picture 16 year old me bobbing my head to his 1998 pick, DMX's "Ruff Ryder's Anthem". I vividly remember arguing with friends and family that Jay Z was the clear winner in his beef with Nas, and Serrano picked "Takeover" vs. "Ether" for his 2001 songs. This book is wonderful. Go out, buy it and read it. You won't be disappointed.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture Editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is sorry to tell the head editor that 3rd Bass did not make the book. The head editor gave Ty the gas face. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.