Ty Ranks the 2016 NFL Teams: The Dumpster Fire Edition

Football is right around the corner people. The preseason starts next Sunday, and the regular season is a little over a month away. For the next 8 days I will countdown the teams in the NFL, 4 teams a day, going from worst to best, in my opinion. On day nine, I will do my postseason picks, including the Super Bowl winner, and I will also pick all my award winners. I will stick to some of my other, regular blogs, i.e., the "Bar Rescue" updates and some greatest American band picks, but for the most part, the next two weeks will be NFL heavy. I will also do a college football preview at the end of next week. So, hopefully everyone is ready for some football talk, because I'm ready to watch some football. I will break down the teams to the best of my knowledge and tell you why I have them where I have them in my rankings. 

Okay, let's get to the countdown.

Coming in at number 32, the worst team in the league this season will be the Cleveland Browns. The Browns are an absolute dumpster fire. They did some good things this offseason. They fired their old coach, they dumped Johnny Manziel, finally, they hired what seems to be a decent head coach, but other than that, this team is not very good. Their defense is very, very below average. They have no one on that side of the ball that can strike fear in any opponent. Their defensive line gets no pressure, their linebackers are mediocre and their secondary is subpar. They will give up a ton of points. Unfortunately for their defense, their offense won't be able to put up too many points. They have an okay receiver in Josh Gordon, but he hangs out with Johnny Manziel, he's been suspended multiple times for violating the leagues drug rules and, when he is in there, he doesn't have a very good QB throwing him the ball. The only 2 QB's worth anything on their roster are Josh McCown and Robert Griffin. McCown is not good enough to be most teams third string QB and we all know about Robert Griffin. He's a prima donna that cannot stay healthy and forced his way out of Washington. He had a great rookie year, but he has been oft injured and, when he is healthy, he has been pretty awful. They don't have any good running backs, so the run won't scare anyone. Their offensive line is subpar at best as well. The Browns stink. If they win 3 games this year, I'd be shocked. Hue Jackson is a good coach, but it is going to take some time before the Browns are anything close to an 8 or 9 win team. I say they finish 2-14 this year.

Coming in at number 31, I have the San Francisco 49ers. You may see that and think, they were a contender only 2 years ago, well, a lot has changed in 2 years. They put all their eggs in the Colin Kaepernick basket and he has proven to not be that good. He has no accuracy, cannot throw the deep ball and abandons plays way too early and relies on his legs too much. Then, people may say, well they hired Chip Kelly, way can't he turn the 49ers and Kaepernick around. First off, Kelly is not a good NFL coach. His zone read does not work in the very fast paced NFL. Chip Kelly is a college coach that somehow got two NFL jobs. He is not a competent NFL coach. They just lost their best receiver, Anquan Boldin, and they have no running game, Carlos Hyde is not that good. They lost all their good defenders a year ago to, mostly, retirement. This team can't score and they can't stop anyone. They are only slightly, very slightly, better than the Browns. I think the 49ers will go 3-13 or 4-12. They are not very good and until they overhaul the whole team, and get a new head coach, they will continue to be bad.

Coming in at number 29, I have the Tennessee Titans. I have liked what they have done in the draft the past couple of years, but Mariota is still only a second year player and he has little to no weapons around him. The Titans receivers are good, but very young and very unproven. They still need a few years. The backs are mediocre, but they can get better. The offensive line is not very good, save for Taylor Lewan, but he still gets far too many personal foul penalties. They have decent tight ends, but when the QB has very little time to find them, it doesn't matter. The Titans defense is not very good. Even when they play bad teams, like the 49ers and Browns, they still give up 20 to 30 points. This team also tries to run some kind of hybrid read option/west coast offense that looks very bad at times. Mariota still needs another year or two before he reaches his possible potential, as do the receivers and the backs. The defense needs to get a whole lot better before they are competitive. They can get better through the draft, which seems to be the way Titans are rebuilding right now. The Titans may win 5 games, but anymore than that would be a huge surprise to pretty much everyone, Titans fans included. I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say they finish 5-11.

At number 28, I have Mike Wilbon's favorite team, the Chicago Bears. This may surprise some people, the fact that I have the Bears this far down on my list, but they are a very, very bad football team. They let their best offensive weapon walk last year, Matt Forte, to the Jets. They have no good receivers. I don't care that they have names like Alshon Jeffrey and Kevin White, neither are that good. Hell, Kevin White didn't play a single snap last year because he got injured in camp. They don't have Martellus Bennett anymore, so they have no tight end threat. They got rid of Forte, as I mentioned earlier, and their consolation prizes are Jacquizz Rodgers and Jeremy Langford. Then they have one of the worst, most overrated, most annoying, most self inflating assholes at QB in Jay Cutler. I don't understand why people think he is a good QB. He didn't win in college. He has been very subpar in the pros. In fact, the lone time he has been to the playoffs, he got "hurt" and missed most of the Bears loss to the Packers. Jay Cutler may be the most overrated, non deserving players in the entire NFL. As long as he is the Bears QB, they will continue to be very mediocre on offense, especially since Matt Forte is gone. The Bears defense is not very good either. Sure, they signed Danny Treveathan away from Denver, but he will not turn this unit around on his own. They have no defensive line, and don't listen to the nonsense that has been coming out of Kyle Long's mouth recently, he is out of his mind. They can't pressure the QB and they can't stop the run. The linebacking unit, save for Treveathan, is subpar. The secondary in not good at all. The Bears are bad. The only reason they are ahead of the three teams before is, they always find some way to miraculously win a game or 2 that they should have no shot. They will either go 4-12 or 5-11. The Bears stink and they need a new QB.

That's it for today. Come back tomorrow for teams 28, 27, 26 and 25 and a "Bar Rescue" update.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. The teams he listed above would cause him to change away from the NFL RedZone network. These are teams with nothing worth watching. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.