When Bad Pop Culture Happens to Hopeful People

This is what happens when you mix hope and awfulness

Piggybacking on our podcast from Saturday and RD's piece about sports heartbreak, I'm going to talk about a different type of heartbreak.

Today, I'm going to talk about two movies and two albums that left me heartbroken. There's things in your life that you look forward to and, even though movies and music are very low on the list, things as small as that can leave you heartbroken. You look forward to something coming out, you're already a fan and the first, or everything prior in the catalog, is great, and then a movie or an album comes out, and it's just a dud, and that makes me upset. All the build up and it's just a pile of garbage. That's what I'm going to talk about today.

First, let's talk about two albums that left me heartbroken. I was a huge fan of the band Rocco Deluca and the Burden. Their first album, "I Trust You To Kill Me" was phenomenal. Rocco Deluca is a fantastic slide guitar player, playing my favorite type of guitar, a dobro. He had a way with the slide and how he used chord progressions and effects that was pretty astounding. "I Trust You To Kill Me" had everything on it. There was blues, rock, love songs and everything I liked. I tried to teach myself songs off the album. I only do that with records that I really like. It was a great album. I saw the band perform at the Duck Room in Saint Louis, and the concert was excellent. He played all the songs off the record, played old blues standards, and blew me away. I was fully on board with whatever was coming next from Rocco Deluca and the Burden. In 2009, the band released their second album, "Mercy". Of course I bought it on the day it was released. I listened to it immediately, and this is where the heartbreak seeps in. This album wasn't the same. It was more emo and sad. I didn't know that the band was going through stuff, and they did break up after this album, but what they put on record was, quite frankly, garbage. There was no distorted slide guitar. There was no fire and passion coming from Deluca's vocals. The band seemed disinterested and the album was a complete downer. Being OCD, I gave this album many, many chances. I swear, I've listened to it from start to finish at least ten times. I still have the album downloaded on my iPod, but I don't listen to it. It is a bad record. This really bummed me out. I also heard that in interviews, Deluca kind of said that if you don't like this album, you're not a real fan of his. He's portrayed himself as kind of an asshole before this album was released, and this interview further proved the point. That also made me upset, because, I was a fan. I really liked what they did on their first record, but to act like this after you put out a dud of an album is really upsetting. I recommend listeningto "I Trust You To Kill Me", but give "Mercy" a hard pass. It's not good.

Another musician and band that I adore, not so much anymore, Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, put out six great, different albums and then their seventh record ruined all the good vibes I had. I was a huge fan of Ben Harper's in high school. The second show I ever saw, the first under my own accord, was Ben Harper at the American Theater in Saint Louis. I was a junior in high school and me and a friend of mine showed up about six hours early so we could be front row. I spoke about this show on one of our early podcasts. It was great. I was hooked and loved everything Ben Harper was doing. He was my introduction to slide guitar. His music introduced me to a lot of the blues that I still listen to. He has a really good voice. The band can do everything from rock to reggae. They're very versatile. And, like I said earlier, their first six albums are very good. But, in 2006 a double disc was released called, "Both Sides of the Gun". I was a bit older by this time, and my love was wavering just a bit. I really enjoyed his previous album, "There Will Be a Light", but that was more a Blind Boys of Alabama record than a Ben Harper record. "Both Sides of the Gun" was supposed to be Ben Harper getting back to what made me like him so much. He was supposed to put the acoustic guitar down, which he apparently fell in love with, and get back to the slide guitar. He does on "Both Sides of the Gun", but barely. That's what left me heart broken. He was supposed to have a return to form, but he only did on about four songs on a 18 song double record. It wasn't a return to form at all, it was all a lie, at least in my mind. I listened to this record a bunch too, trying to like it, but I just couldn't. It was too poppy. Ben Harper, inexplicably, started to yell sing on songs. The band didn't sound very good. It was a huge disappointment. I even went to see the band tour this album, and it was a pretty dreadful show. They didn't sound good live anymore, and that made me even more heartbroken. They kind of redeemed themselves with the album "Lifeline", but "Both Sides of the Gun" left a bad enough taste in my mouth, that I haven't purchased a Ben Harper record since.

Now, to the movies that bummed me out. In 2012, I saw previews for a movie entitled "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". This preview had my favorite president, Lincoln, and mashed it up with him being a badass vampire hunter. I was on board. I couldn't wait to see this movie. Opening day couldn't come fast enough. I dragged my wife and her friend along with me because they had to enjoy how awesome this movie was going to be with me. I thought it would be selfish of me to go see it alone. I wanted to share it with the people closest to me. So, not only did the three of us see it on opening day, but we saw it in 3D. I don't like 3D movies, but this movie was going to be so awesome, why not see it in 3D. The first hint I should've taken that this was going to be terrible, the theater was basically empty for a rush hour show on an opening Friday. But, I thought, people were going to miss out on the greatness that is "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". Then, the movie started. I was excited, but, that excitement was drained almost immediately. This movie was so awful. The acting was bad, the action was terrible, the fights were poorly performed and the 3D gave me a headache. This was not the movie I expected. This was supposed to be the movie of the summer in 2012. What the hell happened? I should've realized that a lot of movies released in early summer are released then because they're so bad. This was heartbreaking. I so wanted to love this movie, but I couldn't even like it in a way that people like bad movies. It wasn't fun bad, it was just bad bad. How could a movie that looked so cool be so terrible? Previews, that's how. The only good thing that came out of this awful, awful movie was, I don't take previews that serious anymore, going so far as to not watch trailers for movies that I'm excited to see. Don't watch "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". It's very, very bad and will only disappoint you.

Another movie that broke my heart was Tim Burton's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". I adore "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", and I figured that Tim Burton would do a good job with a remake. Casting Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka seemed like a home run in my mind. That was not the case. First of all, Depp as Wonka was god awful. Instead of playing it with the whimsy and humor that Gene Wilder does in the original, Depp plays the role like a creep. He seems like a guy that shouldn't hang around children, and definitely shouldn't own a chocolate factory. He was dreadful in this role. But, he wasn't the only problem. This movie was an absolute train wreck from start to finish. The kids cast in the iconic roles played them way too over the top. They're supposed to be snotty kids, but these actors took that way too literally. Freddie Highmore, who I think is a pretty good actor, doesn't do such a good job as Charlie. He was too boring. I wanted this movie to be as good as the original, but it was so bad. Tim Burton tried to put his weird vibes on this movie, but this movie doesn't need his touch. This is supposed to be a whimsical movie, but Tim Burton tried to make it dark. That doesn't work here, and it broke my heart. Tim Burton needs to stick to his darker stuff and not ruin another classic movie. I looked forward to this movie, but it was so bad, it just made me upset.

So, there you have it. There's a lot of other stuff besides sports that have left me heartbroken, but these four particular things left me the most heartbroken as far as pop culture goes. Tell me some things that have left you heartbroken in pop culture in the comment section, or tell me why I'm wrong about the stuff I mentioned today. And avoid the things I mentioned today at all costs.

You'll thank me later.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He wants to give all these things in big kiss while at a party in Cuba and tell them how they broke his heart. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik

The Greatest American Band Debate: The Not So Greatest Bands of Today

For the Greatest American Band debate, I'm not nominating anyone today, I'm going to tell you why I think a lot of the bands out there today, that are played on the radio will not be in this conversation.

These bands don't have the staying power that a lot of the bands myself, RD and Tina have written about. I know I wrote Sugarhill Gang and how they are a one hit wonder, but they invented a genre of music. These bands today aren't inventing anything, they are strictly one hit wonders, or bubble gum pop. Now, I do like some current bands a lot. I've written about the Black Keys for this very debate. I'm a huge fan of TV on the Radio and I will be writing about them in the near future for this debate. I'm a huge Odd Future fan. I think they're the new Wu Tang Clan. The problem is, these bands don't get much, if any, radio play. Their music isn't catchy enough, or it's too weird for the masses. I've had a problem with pop music, I've written about the current state of radio on this site before, pretty much my whole life. When I was in high school, while I was listening to Outkast and Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, my friends and girlfriends were listening to shit like N'Sync, Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears. These people and "bands" will never be mentioned in any debate involving good music ever. They are ear worms. They're a hazard to people who listen to them, and the fans are some of the most annoying people in the world. They act like crazed religious people when talking about this music. It's not sufficient enough for them when I say I don't like this music. They have to not only berate me for not liking the music, but tell me why I'm wrong. And before you say it, I'm not telling you that you have to listen to the bands I like or have mentioned, I'm just telling you why pop music isn't sustainable, especially what they play on the radio. Do any of you millennials really think that Backstreet Boys or N'Sync is going to be Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees?

I didn't think so.

I have this same feeling for current pop "stars' like Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus and George Ezra. You read that and said, "those are all solo artists, they don't count", okay, here's some current bands that will never be in this conversation, Imagine Dragons, OneRepublic and EchoSmith. As far as the solo artists go, Taylor Swift is annoying. I don't know if she's a country musician, or a pop musician. It's pop, right? She's a terrible role model as well. She may not want to be a role model, but she is. Her music all sounds the same, especially the garbage she's currently putting out. Miley Cyrus is terrible in every way. She's an abysmal singer, a terrible dancer, a bad actor and a shitty person. She's the worst. George Ezra was cool when he first came out, but he's doomed to be a one hit wonder. His sound is too weird, and the fact that "Budapest" became a hit is completely shocking to me. People will only remember him for that one song. The "rock" bands that they play on the radio today are just as bad. Imagine Dragons are America's version of Nickelback. They might not be as terrible as Nickelback, but it's pretty close. They are more worried about their image than their music. They are a band of haircuts that play absolutely unlistenable music. First of all, their songs do literally all sound the same. They are all horrible rock songs. They want to sound like The Black Keys mixed with pop music, but it doesn't work for them at all. When they were on SNL last year, first of all, they sounded bad and when they brought Kendrick Lamar on to perform their second song, even he couldn't save how terrible it was. I love Kendrick Lamar, and when he can't make you song mildly enjoyable, you have a problem. OneRepublic sounds like the crappiest version of a Christian rock band, and Christian rock music is terrible. Their song, "Counting Stars" is so bad, that when it's on the radio, I'd rather listen to the band Train, and I hate Train. They are also a bunch of dudes that seem more interested in their look rather than their music. If these bands put a quarter the effort into their music that they do their look, they might be decent, probably not, but maybe. OneRepublic is a hazard to your ears. Avoid listening to them at all costs. EchoSmith is a brother sister combo, I believe, but their music sounds like love songs to each other. It's creepy. I don't like the way they sing to each other. It's like Donny and Marie Osmond. Go back and watch the old SNL skit where Julia Louis Dreyfuss and some male cast member, I don't remember who (ed note: it was Gary Kroeger), play the Osmonds, and they're singing so sweetly to each other, they start to make out. That's what I fear with EchoSmith.

I'm just fed up with today's music I suppose. But, these bands will never be remembered for making great music, or even decent music. They will become trivia questions at companies trivia nights. Their sound has no staying power. They will never, ever be mentioned in the Greatest American Band Debate, except for today, and I'm trashing them. In ten to fifteen years from now, I won't come back to this topic and talk about any of these bands. So, what does this say about American music and radio right now? I guess, if I had to give an answer I'd say, that we are in a bad place right now with "pop" music. We don't have any CCR's or Talking Heads or Sugarhill Gang's to listen to and that's a shame. Step your game up pop bands and start making better music.

Please.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. Every morning he turns on his radio and has hope. Within in 5 minutes his hope is replaced with dread. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.