Thoughts on Food Network's Celebrity Chefs

I have mentioned on the site and the podcast before that we watch a bunch of cooking shows in my house. We all love different aspects of the shows. My son likes the competition stuff. My daughter likes the baking shows. My wife and I both like to get ideas for dishes and other stuff to try and make at home. We all get something out of them, and that is what keeps us coming back for more.

We have been watching a good amount of "Beat Bobby Flay" most recently. My son loves this show and it is his turn to pick what we watch while we eat dinner. I know, we shouldn't have our television on while we eat, but we like it, so we keep it on. Last night we were watching an episode and Ted Allen was one of the guests picking someone to try and beat Flay. As we were watching, I said to my wife that there are only two Food Network personalities that I truly enjoy. One is Ted Allen, and the other is the incomparable Ina Garten. Ina Garten is a national treasure and I will not take it when people say anything bad about her. She is the best.

Anyway, this one statement started a conversation with my wife and I. After I said who I like, she went on and talked about some people she enjoys on Food Network. She mentioned Ina as well, but she also had some surprises for me. She likes Bobby Flay. I was stunned. I do not like him. He seems a little too smug and arrogant. And his shows are all about showing up other chefs. He challenges them to make dishes that they have worked on for years and years, and says he can make them better. He also tried to show up Morimoto, and that was a bridge too far for me. I find him to be a dickhead, but my wife and son both like him. To each their own I suppose. She mentioned some other names, but none of them held the same weight with me as Flay.

I then started to think of other chefs that Food Network highlights, and I found myself not really liking any of them, other than Ted Allen and Ina. Anne Burrell is too mean and too loud. I would not like to work with her or for her. Scott Conant is a fake ass wannabe Italian. He is from Maine. He has the feel of being born into money and he is very off putting. Rachel Ray isn't a real chef. Michael Symon is kind of okay, but can also be very loud and very annoying. Guy Fieri started this whole "rock star chef" trend that I truly loathe. He also hangs out with shady people. Alex Guarnaschelli is mean and vindictive and conniving. Geoffrey Zakarian seems like the type of dude who would constantly correct you at a party while he complains about the caviar he is eating. Jeff Muaro doesn't seem to have any real it factor and he tries way, way too hard. Katie Lee is dull. Duff Goldman isn’t as fun as he thinks he is. And Ree Drummond's family has said some problematic stuff in the past on her own show. I just find it really hard to root for these other people on that channel. Food Network has also shifted into highlighting these chefs that I don't care for by making every damn show a competition show.

If I want dish ideas I have to watch the Cooking Channel or look online for them. Food Network doesn't do that enough anymore. They are too busy giving an asshole like Bobby Flay seemingly ten different tv shows in the past year, each one trying to make him the star. I will still tune in to watch Ina, and if Ted Allen is a guest host on something, I'll check it out. Otherwise, these other chefs are not my cup of tea. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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Ty Watches "Carnival Eats"

Amidst all the TV shows I watch because I genuinely have interest in them, i.e., "Legion", "Fargo", "The Simpsons", so on and so forth, I need shows like "Bar Rescue" and "Barefoot Contessa" that are just kind of on in the background, serving almost as white noise. Well, I have found another show that fits this bill perfectly, and it has become my show of choice on Thursday afternoon, if I am inside at the particular time the Food Channel is running a marathon.

Said show is called "Carnival Eats", and it is my new obsession. First off, I love the host. His name is Noah Cappe, and he is a wonder to watch. The guy has a ton of energy, but is very good at doing people on the street type interviews. He's incredibly knowledgeable when it comes to certain foods. And the people he talks to that make the food seem to enjoy his company.

The food that Cappe gets to eat as well, man does it make me jealous. Obviously, due to the name of the show, Cappe goes to random cities that have big carnivals, and he tries what some consider to be the best spots. His job makes me so jealous. I would do awful things to get a job like his. What is even more confounding, and makes me want to watch this show even more, the dude is in relatively good shape, considering all the crap he eats.

Anyway, I cannot get enough of "Carnival Eats". Cappe has eaten so much fried food that I would love to try just once. I've seen him eat so many variations of a corn dog, and they all looked tremendous. One of them was a breakfast type corndog, with the batter being pancake batter, but the chef used a polish dog, and the outside of the corn dog was drizzled with peanut butter and chocolate sauce, and to top it off, they put a light dusting of powdered sugar on top. My mouth is watering as I type this. He's had many varieties of funnel cakes, including a red velvet funnel cake. I love red velvet cake, so I imagine a funnel cake version is just as good, if not better. He's had fried Twinkies, fried doughnuts, even fried s'mores.

The craziest fried food I've seen him eat was fried watermelon. I was put off at first, but after he ate it, then described it, I want to try some fried watermelon right now. The person that made it used a pancake batter, of course, froze the watermelon over night, and after they fried it, he drizzled a watermelon syrup on top. The chef also added powdered sugar because, why not. Cappe said it tasted like a watermelon Jolly Rancher. That is my absolute favorite flavor. I need to go out and find some fried watermelon now.

It is not just fried food at these carnivals. He has had cheesecake quesadillas before. You read that correctly. He had a strawberry cheesecake quesadilla, covered in a cherry sauce. It looked incredible. He has eaten popcorn balls that have sparklers in them. Again, it looked awesome. He has had many different ice creams and a wide variety of slushies.

All the sweet food looks so great, but the savory stuff looks just as good. Cappe has eaten a ton of BBQ on the show. On a recent episode, he had a slow cooked pulled brisket bowl that included mac and cheese, cornbread, homemade baked beans and a homemade BBQ sauce. It looked dynamite. He's had so many different tacos, it is hard to single out any single one. They all look fantastic. He has had a million different types of mac and cheese. Whenever my son watches with me, he sits up when he sees mac and cheese because that is his favorite food. He has had some crazy pizza, including a gyro pizza. The gyro pizza looked so good, I wanted to crawl through my screen so I could try it.

Then there are the burgers. My god, these burgers look glorious. He has had all types of hamburgers. Burgers with doughnuts as the bun. Regular burgers heightened by the chefs secret recipe. Fried burgers. You name it, he has had it in burger form.

I absolutely love "Carnival Eats". Anytime it is on, I stop what I'm doing and watch. It's great for my kids too because they love food shows, but there is also the carnival angle, and they enjoy that as well. I always say to my wife, "I wonder if he is going to throw up this episode because he has been on the tea cup ride like 10 times". "Carnival Eats" is a homerun in every possible way. I think Cappe is wonderful. The food looks great. The people on the show seem to be having a ton of fun. Hell, even the rides look like they would be a good time. But, what makes it great is, I can put it on and just go about my day. I don't have to have laser focus like I do with other shows. It is just white noise, but it is the best kind of white noise.

Check out "Carnival Eats" if you don't already watch it. I think you'd enjoy it.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He used to work for a carnival, and has eaten his fair share of funnel cake batter and cotton candy sugar. He just has not had any of these fine foods in a higher form, yet. 

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"Barefoot Contessa" is one thing you and your mother in law can agree on

Oh the things Ina could do to you

What does one do with a new baby and his working wife on maternity leave?

As I stated yesterday, I've been watching a good amount of day time TV with my wife being home. I've also let it be known that I've been watching a good amount of the Food Network. The Food Network is pretty much the perfect channel to have on in the background if you like ambient noise. During the day, it's pretty much all straight forward cooking shows. The night time is when the competition shows come on. So, during the day, having that ambient noise in the background is nice when I'm blogging or when I'm cleaning or doing something around the house. I do watch pretty much all the competition shows too. With my wife being home, we watch shows like "Pioneer Woman" and "Everyday Italian" and "The Best Thing I Ever Ate". We also enjoy the competition shows like "Chopped", "Cutthroat Kitchen" and any iteration of the "Baking Challenge", be it Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas. The only shows we avoid on the Food Network are, anything involving human douchebag Guy Fieri and their awful rip off of "The Chew" called, "The Kitchen". First of all, "The Chew" is terrible, but, "The Kitchen" makes "The Chew" look like "Breaking Bad". "The Kitchen" is awful.

None of these shows compare to what I believe to be the greatest show the Food Network has ever created. I'm talking about "Barefoot Contessa" with Ina Garten of course. This show is absolutely perfect on every level. First of all, Ina Garten is the best host of any cooking show ever and yes, I think she's much better than Julia Child was. She has a very soft, calming way of talking about food. She never raises her voice to show appreciation of food like Fieri does. She doesn't need any catchphrases like "BAM!" or "winner, winner, chicken dinner" or, "that's money", she just talks about food like a normal person. She also seems to get the very best ingredients. She made steak the other day and my mouth was watering when she brought out the cut of meat. It looked so good and it was clearly the best quality her butcher had. Same thing when she made bone in lamb chops on a recent episode. She has an affinity for fruit tarts. The fruit she gets is the freshest fruit I've ever seen. I didn't know strawberries could look that red and fresh. She also hand makes all the crusts for these tarts. When the finished product comes out of the oven, I want to go into my TV and eat this delicious looking food. She also makes all her drinks fresh. Sure, most people do this with alcohol, but how many people go out to their garden and grab the freshest mint leaves I've ever seen? The only person involved with my life that does this is my mother in law. I've never seen anyone else use fresh herbs from their garden to cook besides from mother in law and Ina Garten. Ina also made a fresh hot chocolate for her husband Jeffrey, I'll talk more about him later, and it looked dynamite. She boiled milk and half and half in a big pot, used big hunks of what I'm sure is expensive milk chocolate, put semi sweet chocolate and used vanilla extract and ground decaf coffee. I used to work at a Saint Louis Bread Company and we used real milk and Hershey's syrup to make our hot chocolate and RD, my brother and founder of the website, used to refer to this as "orgasmic" (ed note: yes it is). Ina's hot chocolate puts Bread Company's to shame and I don't need to taste it to know this, I can judge it simply based on seeing it. Simply look at the ingredients I listed.

Now, the food is the main part of her show, as it should be, but she also seems to be the most genuinely happy person I've ever seen. She has the perfect life. She loves her husband Jeffrey and he reciprocates this love ten fold. When he gets home from work or a trip and Ina has a big meal ready for the two of them, he lights up. But, he doesn't just light up at the site of the food, he's happier to see Ina and she's just as happy. Each embrace is different, but they all share the same amount of love. These two are clearly soul mates. When Jeffrey is working, Ina seems to have an endless number of friends involved in many different occupations. She's friend with carpenters, florists, college students, painters and butchers, just to name a few. These people love Ina and she loves them back. It doesn't hurt that she's making them delicious food and has these friends of hers be her "tasters". We all know the food is delicious. I'd love to befriend Ina and become one of her "tasters". Very few things would make me happier in my life. She also has a beautiful home in the Hamptons. Jeffrey and her are clearly well off and the pictures of her home during the show hammer home this point. I don't say this because I'm envious, I say this because Jeffrey and her deserve this. They both work hard and are very accomplished in their fields, so why not live lavishly? Good for them.

One other thing I like about Ina was told to me by my mother in law. She never competes on these competition cooking shows because she feels like 1) cooking shouldn't be a competition, you should cook because you love it and 2) she won't compromise her ingredients, she believes you should use the best ingredients available to you. This makes me like Ina even more, and I'm already a HUGE fan. I wish there were more chefs and personalities on the Food Network like her, but Ina is one of a kind. I don't think her show is on anymore, she's probably happily retired from making a show and doing whatever she wants, as she's want to do, but at least we have reruns. I look forward to these episodes twice a day. I love her show and her whole vibe. Ina Garten is the best thing that the Food Network ever had and I'm glad they still air "Barefoot Contessa".

Ina, you're a national treasure, thanks for everything you do. And thanks for being you, you're the greatest.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. "Cooking a Steak" would be Ty's favorite food show, if only it existed in the real world. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.