The Hilarious Sadness that is Guy Fieri

Disclaimer- I do not own the rights to any of the clips shown or the music. This is for entertainment purposes only. I know that this is a NIN cover. But in an interview with Trent Reznor he said it was now Johnny Cash's after he heard the cover.

Yesterday I was goofing around on the internet and I stumbled upon something great. I was looking at Facebook, or maybe it was Twitter, and I happened upon the AV Club's fan page. I check the AV club stuff out a lot. I enjoy some of their reviews on movies, music and other things, and I always enjoy reading their top 10, 20 or 30 lists because they drive me both, very angry and agreeable. Sometimes they are right on the mark, other times, they are way off. The AV Club is also very predictable. It's easy to know what they will like and dislike when it comes to TV, movies, music, basically any pop culture stuff. But, this video I stumbled upon last night is one of the greatest "WTF" things I have ever seen on the internet.

First things first, I do not enjoy Guy Fieri. The guy is a hack. He is a joke. He has no idea what he is doing and he looks like a goblin. He is a wannabe rock star that tries to make eating at diners and cooking mediocre food look cool. Spoiler alert Guy Fieri, you are not, nor have you ever been, cool. You look and act utterly ridiculous. You are the Sammy Hagar of food, and that is not a compliment.

On the other hand, I do enjoy Johnny Cash. I love pretty much everything he has done. When he first put out music, it was at the height of good country music. He was the best, in my opinion, amongst his peers that included guys like Hank Williams and Kris Kristofferson. In the middle of his career, when he was infatuated with pills and jail, he made some of his best music. His album, "Live at Folsom Prison" is, not only one of my personal favorite live albums, it is also one of the best live albums of all time. It is a peak performer doing his best music for a bunch of inmates, and they all loved it. Even later in his life, when he teamed up with Rick Rubin, that was, in my opinion, his best music. He did mainly covers, but the covers and the originals were top notch. Rick Rubin put his stamp on it, but those records really shined when Cash would sing. His voice, while old and getting more gruff, sounded delightful. It was heartbreaking, but in all the right ways.

This all leads me back to what I was talking about in the beginning of this post. Some genius cut together a video of Guy Fieri eating food, on one of his many TV shows, and instead of having Fieri talk or putting in his garbage music on his shows, they put Johnny Cash's version of the song "Hurt" as the main music accompanying the 3 minute video. Go watch it right now, it will change your life. The video is one of the funniest, gut wrenching, tastefully done comedic things I have witnessed. The video opens on Fieri talking about some kind of food that he is about to devour, because that is the only proper word for describing how Guy Fieri eats, and then the music comes in and Cash recites the opening lyric, "I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel". Oh. My. God. What a perfect lyric to describe Guy Fieri's life choices. Not only does he hurt himself with the food he eats, but his everyday life is one bad choice after another, and I think he does it to see if he can still feel things like embarrassment, pain and guilt. This was the exact opening I was hoping for when I clicked on the link and it only got so much better from there. Cash continues to sing the song and we continue to see Fieri eating one monstrosity after the other. Then, when we get to the chorus, it is a thing of beauty, at least comedy wise, not so much to look at. When the chorus starts, Fieri is just jamming this food into his stupid face, and all the while, we hear Cash singing things, "What have I become, my only friend", "everything goes away in the end", "but you could have it all", "I will make you hurt". Those lyrics couldn't be anymore perfect for what we are seeing as the viewing audience. Even at the end, when the chorus gets louder and more poignant, it is like a mash up of all of the things that most people find incredibly disgusting about Guy Fieri.

This video is everything that it should be. It is funny, poignant, timely and will go down as a classic "viral video". As I said before, I don't know who made it, but I know that they had a stroke of genius when they decided to do this. This is one of the greatest things that is on the internet. This gives me faith in the good parts of the internet. Yeah, it is mocking someone, but this particular someone deserves to be mocked for his countless moments of acting, and being, a jackass. I watched the video three times yesterday, showed it to my wife who watched it once, and I have watched it two more times today. This is wonderful and I urge everyone to seek it out. You won't be disappointed.

ed note: The creator of the video is Mayor Wertz, you can subscribe to his YouTube channel here.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host for the X Millennial Man Podcast. He loves his food, he just does not love it with flame shirts and bleached hair. Make sure you follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.

"Barefoot Contessa" is one thing you and your mother in law can agree on

Oh the things Ina could do to you

What does one do with a new baby and his working wife on maternity leave?

As I stated yesterday, I've been watching a good amount of day time TV with my wife being home. I've also let it be known that I've been watching a good amount of the Food Network. The Food Network is pretty much the perfect channel to have on in the background if you like ambient noise. During the day, it's pretty much all straight forward cooking shows. The night time is when the competition shows come on. So, during the day, having that ambient noise in the background is nice when I'm blogging or when I'm cleaning or doing something around the house. I do watch pretty much all the competition shows too. With my wife being home, we watch shows like "Pioneer Woman" and "Everyday Italian" and "The Best Thing I Ever Ate". We also enjoy the competition shows like "Chopped", "Cutthroat Kitchen" and any iteration of the "Baking Challenge", be it Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas. The only shows we avoid on the Food Network are, anything involving human douchebag Guy Fieri and their awful rip off of "The Chew" called, "The Kitchen". First of all, "The Chew" is terrible, but, "The Kitchen" makes "The Chew" look like "Breaking Bad". "The Kitchen" is awful.

None of these shows compare to what I believe to be the greatest show the Food Network has ever created. I'm talking about "Barefoot Contessa" with Ina Garten of course. This show is absolutely perfect on every level. First of all, Ina Garten is the best host of any cooking show ever and yes, I think she's much better than Julia Child was. She has a very soft, calming way of talking about food. She never raises her voice to show appreciation of food like Fieri does. She doesn't need any catchphrases like "BAM!" or "winner, winner, chicken dinner" or, "that's money", she just talks about food like a normal person. She also seems to get the very best ingredients. She made steak the other day and my mouth was watering when she brought out the cut of meat. It looked so good and it was clearly the best quality her butcher had. Same thing when she made bone in lamb chops on a recent episode. She has an affinity for fruit tarts. The fruit she gets is the freshest fruit I've ever seen. I didn't know strawberries could look that red and fresh. She also hand makes all the crusts for these tarts. When the finished product comes out of the oven, I want to go into my TV and eat this delicious looking food. She also makes all her drinks fresh. Sure, most people do this with alcohol, but how many people go out to their garden and grab the freshest mint leaves I've ever seen? The only person involved with my life that does this is my mother in law. I've never seen anyone else use fresh herbs from their garden to cook besides from mother in law and Ina Garten. Ina also made a fresh hot chocolate for her husband Jeffrey, I'll talk more about him later, and it looked dynamite. She boiled milk and half and half in a big pot, used big hunks of what I'm sure is expensive milk chocolate, put semi sweet chocolate and used vanilla extract and ground decaf coffee. I used to work at a Saint Louis Bread Company and we used real milk and Hershey's syrup to make our hot chocolate and RD, my brother and founder of the website, used to refer to this as "orgasmic" (ed note: yes it is). Ina's hot chocolate puts Bread Company's to shame and I don't need to taste it to know this, I can judge it simply based on seeing it. Simply look at the ingredients I listed.

Now, the food is the main part of her show, as it should be, but she also seems to be the most genuinely happy person I've ever seen. She has the perfect life. She loves her husband Jeffrey and he reciprocates this love ten fold. When he gets home from work or a trip and Ina has a big meal ready for the two of them, he lights up. But, he doesn't just light up at the site of the food, he's happier to see Ina and she's just as happy. Each embrace is different, but they all share the same amount of love. These two are clearly soul mates. When Jeffrey is working, Ina seems to have an endless number of friends involved in many different occupations. She's friend with carpenters, florists, college students, painters and butchers, just to name a few. These people love Ina and she loves them back. It doesn't hurt that she's making them delicious food and has these friends of hers be her "tasters". We all know the food is delicious. I'd love to befriend Ina and become one of her "tasters". Very few things would make me happier in my life. She also has a beautiful home in the Hamptons. Jeffrey and her are clearly well off and the pictures of her home during the show hammer home this point. I don't say this because I'm envious, I say this because Jeffrey and her deserve this. They both work hard and are very accomplished in their fields, so why not live lavishly? Good for them.

One other thing I like about Ina was told to me by my mother in law. She never competes on these competition cooking shows because she feels like 1) cooking shouldn't be a competition, you should cook because you love it and 2) she won't compromise her ingredients, she believes you should use the best ingredients available to you. This makes me like Ina even more, and I'm already a HUGE fan. I wish there were more chefs and personalities on the Food Network like her, but Ina is one of a kind. I don't think her show is on anymore, she's probably happily retired from making a show and doing whatever she wants, as she's want to do, but at least we have reruns. I look forward to these episodes twice a day. I love her show and her whole vibe. Ina Garten is the best thing that the Food Network ever had and I'm glad they still air "Barefoot Contessa".

Ina, you're a national treasure, thanks for everything you do. And thanks for being you, you're the greatest.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. "Cooking a Steak" would be Ty's favorite food show, if only it existed in the real world. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.