Ty Ranks the 2016 NFL Teams: The Hot Garbage Edition

Okay, now that you have finished reading my "Bar Rescue" update, I'm back with day 2 of my NFL countdown. Let's get to some more teams that I don't think are going to be very good.

Coming in at number 28, I have the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. You may say, but they looked good on offense last year and they were in a ton of games until the very end last year, why so low? Well, I'll tell you why. Yes, they have a good offense and yes, Jameis Winston looked much better than I thought he would last year, but they still have no real running game, I don't care how good the Muscle Hamster was a few years ago, and their offensive line is not that good. They seem to have a decent enough QB in Winston, who should only get better the longer he is in the league, and they have very good receivers in Vincent Jackson and Mike Evans, but that is where the good stuff ends. They have no real threat at running back and the line cannot block for long enough. Their defense is not very good either. They, like all the teams I have mentioned thus far, cannot pressure the QB or stop the run. Their secondary is not very good either. Then, they inexplicably fired Lovie Smith after one season. They did not hire a coach that I think will be better than Smith, and a lot of people agree with me on this. Smith did not get a fair shot. He could have made the defense competent. He could have had them close to 8 wins this year. Unfortunately, that will not happen. While I like some parts of the offense, I dislike everything about their defense and front office. Looks like another 4-12 season is on the horizon for the Buccaneers.

At number 27, I have the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles stink. They do not have a decent QB. They gave up on DeMarco Murray. They have no receiving threats. Their defense is no good. Their front office makes the Cowboys front office look competent. This team will not be good. Sam Bradford will probably start the year as QB 1, but he will either get hurt, or underperform, and then it will be the Carson Wentz show. Rookies do not do well in the NFL, and Wentz will be no exception. He has no one to throw to, and I don't think he is as good as some other people think he is. The Eagles reached big time on this pick. Their defense is very bad as well. They have no one, and I mean no one that is very good at all on that side of the ball. They will not be able to stop many teams, and much like the 49ers, they will not score too many points. This is a very tough time to be an Eagles fan because of what the now fired Chip Kelly did to this team. He traded away a ton of good players for some not as good players and the team has suffered, and will continue to for some time. I'd be shocked if they win 6 games, that is why I have them finishing 5-11.

At number 26, I have the Detroit Lions. This is kind of painful to me for a few reasons. When I was a kid, the Lions were my team. I loved Barry Sanders and Wayne Fontes and Hermann Moore. They were fun to root for. As I grew up, I realized the Packers were way better, but as I kid, I was a Lions fan. It's also a bummer because I have a lot of family members that are still Lions fans. Sorry, but the Lions just don't appear to be very good. First off, they lost their best offensive player since Barry Sanders this offseason in Calvin Johnson. He retired, but I still wont believe it until I do not see him out on the field. Without Johnson, their only receiving threat is Golden Tate. Yikes. The running backs aren't that good either. Reggie Bush is gone, so Ameer Abdullah will be the feature back. Again, yikes. He fumbles way too much and he can't take a hit. At QB, Matthew Stafford will prove how mediocre he truly is without Calvin Johnson. He will have to actually throw into tight windows and put the ball in his receivers hands. He doesn't have the luxury to just chuck the ball up and hope that Johnson comes down with it. The offense is going to take a big, big step back. The Lions are the first team on this list that I like on defense, but it won't matter. They will be on the field way too much because the offense will be going three and out 90 percent of the time. The defense will also continue to shoot itself in the foot with personal fouls and penalties in general. The Lions are going to take a huge step back. They will only win 4 or 5 games.

At number 25, we have the San Diego Chargers. Yeesh, this team is old and oft injured. Phillip Rivers has been in the league for what seems like one hundred years now, and he has very little to show for it. He is an okay QB, but he wouldn't be one of the first 10 to 12 QB's I'd take if I started a team today. He is way too erratic, and its only gotten worse the longer he has been in the league. His targets are old and hurt all the time now too. Antonio Gates was once great, but he seems to be a person that takes performance enhancing drugs, i.e., his suspension at the start of last year, and he gets hurt way too much. Stevie Jones is already out for the year after tearing his ACL yesterday. I don't know any other receivers on this team. At running back, they have Melvin Gordon Jr, a bust in the making, Ryan Matthews, cannot stay healthy, and Danny Woodhead, what good is he if he doesn't play for the Patriots. Not good choices. The offensive line is fine, but nothing to write home about. It also doesn't matter when Rivers is chucking passes to no one in particular. The defense isn't great either. They wouldn't resign Eric Weddle for some stupid reason, and other than him, they had no one that would set the NFL on fire. They will stop the teams worse than them, but the teams better, there's 25 of them, will score at will on this team. The Chargers are regressing, and they are doing it quickly. They are a lot like the Bears, in so, until they get rid of Rivers, they will continue to get worse. I'd be surprised if the Chargers did not go 5-11 this year.

That's it for today. Come back tomorrow for teams 24, 23, 22, 21. We are getting ever so close to some actual decent teams.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He has some hope, fantasy football hope, for a few players on the teams listed above. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.

Ty has Three Questions and One Plea for Calvin Johnson

Calvin Johnson gives lions a good name. I hope he doesn't leave

With the news of Calvin Johnson retiring, I'm going to pose three questions today. Is he is truly retiring, is he trying to get a new contract, or is he trying to get out of Detroit? That's the first three things that popped into my mind and I'll try to answer each one individually today.

First, let's look at the first one, is he really retiring? I don't know, but I do know, this is the one scenario I believe the least. Sure, Peter King, who's a total idiot and 100 percent in the bag for the NFL and Roger Goodell, was on "PTI" yesterday and he didn't hesitate when asked if he was really retiring. He was quick with an emphatic yes. He seems to think that the NFL has taken a toll on his body. Other journalist seem to agree with this assessment. And yes, he has been in the league for almost 10 years now, and that will take a toll on your body, especially when you are the number one receiver on your team. Not only was he the number one guy, but he was, as little as two years ago, the best receiver in the game. He was unstoppable. Matt Stafford would throw into double and triple coverage over and over again and Johnson would some how come down with the ball. That being said, he would end up getting hit a lot more than say a Dez Bryant or a Demaryius Thomas. Those guys had QB's that would throw the ball to the outside or low so they could get out of bounds or down to the ground without absorbing multiple hits. That's not the case for Johnson. He would go after every jump ball and every pass over the middle, no matter what, subjecting himself to getting blown up by safeties and linebackers alike. And, in the past two years, while he's been great, he hasn't been the same player that he was. He was dropping more passes and fumbling the ball a lot more. I personally think he was trying to protect himself, the right thing to do, and that was causing the new problems. So, yeah, maybe he is actually retiring. One person can only take so much pain and hitting and it's his right to walk away if he wants to. I just don't buy it, in my personal opinion.

The next question I will try to answer is, is he trying to get a new contract. Let's face it, football has the shortest shelf life as far as a career in pro sports goes. Players are lucky if they can play for 10 plus years and they will still walk away with lifelong injuries. Players can also get cut at the drop of a hat. Look at a guy like Steven Jackson. He was one of the top running backs in the league less than 5 years ago, he leaves the Rams, joins the Falcons, barely plays and gets cut before this season starts. Sure, he got signed by the Patriots at the end of the season, but that's because they were desperate for a running back. These guys need to get contracts that benefit them because of how short their careers usually are. And the contracts, they are, for the most part, extremely heavy with almost impossible bonus goals. Some guys have clauses in their contract that have things like, score 20 rushing touchdowns or get 20 receiving touchdowns or record 22 sacks or throw 45 touchdown passes or have 125 catches or get 10 interceptions. They want these type of things done in one season. That's insane and damn near impossible. The last QB to throw for more than 40 TD's in a season was Peyton Manning two years ago. Sure, Julio Jones had 125 plus catches this year, but he had to average damn near 10 catches a game. I can't think of the last running back to rush for 20 plus touchdowns. And I don't think any cornerback has had more than 10 interceptions in a season. These contracts are ridiculous. With that being said, Calvin Johnson is probably trying to restructure his contract to be a bit more friendly and the Detroit front office probably told him to take a hike. But now, he says he's retiring, maybe that front office will change their minds to work with their best player since Barry Sanders. That would be a smart business move by Calvin Johnson.

The last question I'll attack, is he just trying to get out of Detroit? If he is, he will have to be traded, which poses the biggest road block to this tactic. He is under contract and the only way he could leave Detroit is by trade or if they just straight up cut him. They aren't going to cut him, but what if a great deal comes across their desk? Let's look at a few contenders who could use a guy like Calvin Johnson to put them over the top. First, the New England Patriots. They don't have any decent draft picks to offer, but they have some depth at running back and on defense. They could offer up Dion Lewis, Chandler Jones and a later round pick to add Calvin Johnson. I don't think Detroit would do it, but New England would be stupid not to. Can you imagine how good their offense would be with Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, and Calvin Johnson. Damn that'd be scary. But, the Patriots have bigger issues, mainly their offensive line. How about the Green Bay Packers. Now, I'm sure Detroit would be very hesitant to trade Johnson to a division rival, but what if the Packers offered Davante Adams, Richard Rodgers and either James Starks or Eddie Lacy. The trade would help both teams and the Packers would have three of the best receivers in football. They could line up Randall Cobb, Jordy Nelson and Calvin Johnson. That move would make me very, very happy, but I know it won't happen. One last team I want to talk about is a team getting ready to play in the Super Bowl, the Carolina Panthers. They have Cam Newton, but their receiving core leaves a lot to be desired. Guys like Jericho Cotchery and Ted Ginn Jr are only getting older and they aren't that great to begin with. They have young receivers that still need to prove themselves in Devin Funchess and Kelvin Benjamin, but add Calvin Johnson to that mix, I can't think of a better mentor for them. I'm sure they'd have to give up one of those young guys and a defensive star, say Josh Norman, but I think the Carolina front office would be foolish to not try and get Johnson to go along with Cam Newton. That would be one hell of a QB and WR combo. Johnson made Stafford look good, so think of what he would do for Cam Newton, who's already a star. I know that all these are pretty far fetched, but crazier things have happened in the NFL.

To wrap it all up, I just hope Calvin Johnson isn't really going to walk away at 30 years old. I thoroughly enjoy watching him play football and I have family members that are big Lions fans and Calvin Johnson has been their only hope for the last decade. He is an awesome football player that is in his prime and I think it'd be crazy for him to walk away, but it's his choice and his life. If he does walk away, it's been a ton of fun to see you play. But, if you stick around, which I hope and think you will, it will be a pleasure to watch you make one incredible catch after the next.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture Editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. Tune in tomorrow to the X Millennial Man and hear Ty's "big game" prediction. Once you give a listen make sure to follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.