Ty Ranks the 2016 NFL Teams: The Hot Garbage Edition

Okay, now that you have finished reading my "Bar Rescue" update, I'm back with day 2 of my NFL countdown. Let's get to some more teams that I don't think are going to be very good.

Coming in at number 28, I have the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. You may say, but they looked good on offense last year and they were in a ton of games until the very end last year, why so low? Well, I'll tell you why. Yes, they have a good offense and yes, Jameis Winston looked much better than I thought he would last year, but they still have no real running game, I don't care how good the Muscle Hamster was a few years ago, and their offensive line is not that good. They seem to have a decent enough QB in Winston, who should only get better the longer he is in the league, and they have very good receivers in Vincent Jackson and Mike Evans, but that is where the good stuff ends. They have no real threat at running back and the line cannot block for long enough. Their defense is not very good either. They, like all the teams I have mentioned thus far, cannot pressure the QB or stop the run. Their secondary is not very good either. Then, they inexplicably fired Lovie Smith after one season. They did not hire a coach that I think will be better than Smith, and a lot of people agree with me on this. Smith did not get a fair shot. He could have made the defense competent. He could have had them close to 8 wins this year. Unfortunately, that will not happen. While I like some parts of the offense, I dislike everything about their defense and front office. Looks like another 4-12 season is on the horizon for the Buccaneers.

At number 27, I have the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles stink. They do not have a decent QB. They gave up on DeMarco Murray. They have no receiving threats. Their defense is no good. Their front office makes the Cowboys front office look competent. This team will not be good. Sam Bradford will probably start the year as QB 1, but he will either get hurt, or underperform, and then it will be the Carson Wentz show. Rookies do not do well in the NFL, and Wentz will be no exception. He has no one to throw to, and I don't think he is as good as some other people think he is. The Eagles reached big time on this pick. Their defense is very bad as well. They have no one, and I mean no one that is very good at all on that side of the ball. They will not be able to stop many teams, and much like the 49ers, they will not score too many points. This is a very tough time to be an Eagles fan because of what the now fired Chip Kelly did to this team. He traded away a ton of good players for some not as good players and the team has suffered, and will continue to for some time. I'd be shocked if they win 6 games, that is why I have them finishing 5-11.

At number 26, I have the Detroit Lions. This is kind of painful to me for a few reasons. When I was a kid, the Lions were my team. I loved Barry Sanders and Wayne Fontes and Hermann Moore. They were fun to root for. As I grew up, I realized the Packers were way better, but as I kid, I was a Lions fan. It's also a bummer because I have a lot of family members that are still Lions fans. Sorry, but the Lions just don't appear to be very good. First off, they lost their best offensive player since Barry Sanders this offseason in Calvin Johnson. He retired, but I still wont believe it until I do not see him out on the field. Without Johnson, their only receiving threat is Golden Tate. Yikes. The running backs aren't that good either. Reggie Bush is gone, so Ameer Abdullah will be the feature back. Again, yikes. He fumbles way too much and he can't take a hit. At QB, Matthew Stafford will prove how mediocre he truly is without Calvin Johnson. He will have to actually throw into tight windows and put the ball in his receivers hands. He doesn't have the luxury to just chuck the ball up and hope that Johnson comes down with it. The offense is going to take a big, big step back. The Lions are the first team on this list that I like on defense, but it won't matter. They will be on the field way too much because the offense will be going three and out 90 percent of the time. The defense will also continue to shoot itself in the foot with personal fouls and penalties in general. The Lions are going to take a huge step back. They will only win 4 or 5 games.

At number 25, we have the San Diego Chargers. Yeesh, this team is old and oft injured. Phillip Rivers has been in the league for what seems like one hundred years now, and he has very little to show for it. He is an okay QB, but he wouldn't be one of the first 10 to 12 QB's I'd take if I started a team today. He is way too erratic, and its only gotten worse the longer he has been in the league. His targets are old and hurt all the time now too. Antonio Gates was once great, but he seems to be a person that takes performance enhancing drugs, i.e., his suspension at the start of last year, and he gets hurt way too much. Stevie Jones is already out for the year after tearing his ACL yesterday. I don't know any other receivers on this team. At running back, they have Melvin Gordon Jr, a bust in the making, Ryan Matthews, cannot stay healthy, and Danny Woodhead, what good is he if he doesn't play for the Patriots. Not good choices. The offensive line is fine, but nothing to write home about. It also doesn't matter when Rivers is chucking passes to no one in particular. The defense isn't great either. They wouldn't resign Eric Weddle for some stupid reason, and other than him, they had no one that would set the NFL on fire. They will stop the teams worse than them, but the teams better, there's 25 of them, will score at will on this team. The Chargers are regressing, and they are doing it quickly. They are a lot like the Bears, in so, until they get rid of Rivers, they will continue to get worse. I'd be surprised if the Chargers did not go 5-11 this year.

That's it for today. Come back tomorrow for teams 24, 23, 22, 21. We are getting ever so close to some actual decent teams.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He has some hope, fantasy football hope, for a few players on the teams listed above. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.

Ty Needs to Change his Super Bowl Picks: NFL Midseason Redo

Ty made some cookies to apologize about the Colts pick

Much like my blog yesterday, I'm going to tackle the NFL at the midway point.

Week 8 just ended and most teams have played 7 or 8 games. You can definitely get a sense of who is a legit contender, and who are the bottom of the barrel teams. I'll go over my previous division winners and I'll pick who I think will win their division now, and the wild cards from each conference. I'll also pick the MVP, coach of the year, offensive and defensive player of the year and offensive and defensive rookie of the year compared to my season preview.

Let's start with the AFC. The AFC East is being led by the New England Patriots at 7-0. The Jets are 4-3 and the Bills and Dolphins are 3-4. I was wrong about this division, picking the Dolphins. They've kind of gotten back on track, but they were just destroyed by the Patriots and they were a mess before firing Joe Philbin. The Jets and Bills are both middle of the road, but the Jets are playing much better than I thought with Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB. The Bills are a typical Rex Ryan team. They play good defense, have a subpar offense and blow games. The Patriots are clearly the class of this division. They're on a war path since the stupid "deflate gate" bull shit and Tom Brady and Bill Belichek are playing and coaching with anger, and they thrive that way. I don't think they'll go undefeated, but Tom Brady is playing like the MVP and they'll win this division easily. I shouldn't have doubted them. In the AFC North, the Bengals are leading the division with a 7-0 record. They're playing lights out defense right now, but they have to prove it in the playoffs before I trust them. The Steelers are 4-4 and just lost LeVeon Bell for the rest of the season, they're toast. The Browns are exactly what everyone, save for ESPN, thought they'd be. They're mediocre on offense and defense and people still talk about Johnny Manziel like he's an important player. The Browns stink. The Ravens are a shockingly bad 2-6. They've blown games that they should've won, and they look pretty bad on defense without Terrell Suggs. They're the most disappointing team in the NFL in my opinion and they just lost their best receiver for the year with Steve Smith SR tearing his ACL. The Bengals will run away with this division, no problem. The AFC South is a joke and this division made me look like a moron with my preseason preview. The Colts are in first place, but they're tied with the Texans at a dreadful 3-5. Andrew Luck is clearly hurt and their defense stinks. Screw you Indy for making me look like an idiot. The Texans are terrible. Their "vaunted" defense can't stop anyone, and their offense is bad and just got worse with Arian Foster going down with a season ending injury yet again. The Texans stink. Jacksonville and Tennessee have three wins combined. They're playing as everyone thought they would. Blake Bortles may not be that good of an NFL QB and the Jags defense is not good. The Titans are being led by a rookie QB, I know he's missed the last two games, and they may not win another game all season. Mariota is going through growing pains and he has no weapons on offense and their coach is pretty bad, and just got fired. I'm still picking the Colts to win this division, but they may only win 6 or 7 games and they will get crushed in the playoffs. The AFC West has been surprisingly competitive. The Broncos are still the best team and they're undefeated. Something is going on with Peyton Manning, but the Broncos are winning with their league best defense. They're lock down on that side of the ball. The Raiders are 4-3 and in second place. Derek Carr is a star in the making and now he has Amari Cooper to throw to. Their defense is playing halfway decent led by ageless wonder Charles Woodson. The Raiders may actually be good. The Chiefs had a brutal schedule to start the season and started 1-5, but they've won their past two and look better, even with Jamaal Charles out for the year. They have a good tight end in Kelce and a deep threat in Jeremy Maclin. Their defense is good as always. Unfortunately for them, they dug themselves to deep a hole and they won't be able to get out of it. The Chargers are a team in flux. They don't know if they're moving to LA, and they have no fan base. Phillip Rivers is on the back half of his good playing days, and Melvin Gordon hasn't lived up to the hype. The Chargers aren't a threat anymore. So, the playoff teams from the AFC will be division winners, Denver, Indy(UGH!), New England and Cincinnati. The Wild Cards will be the Jets, I can't believe I just wrote that and the Raiders, I really can't believe I just wrote that. I was wrong on Miami and Pittsburgh has suffered some brutal injuries, but other than that, I think I did okay. The Patriots are coming out of the AFC with little push. Denver is the only team that can compete, but they won't be able to beat New England in Foxborough. The Patriots will represent the AFC again in the Super Bowl. 

To the NFC. We will start with the NFC East. This division is a joke. The Giants are leading it with a 4-4 record, and they just gave up 52 points to the Saints. One week they look good, the other they look bad. The Eagles and the Washington professional football team have matching 3-4 records. How they got there is different. The Eagles play awesome defense, but their offense is bad. Chip Kelly is supposed to be an offensive genius, but he doesn't use DeMarco Murray properly, he relies on Sam Bradford too much and he has no real receivers. The Eagles are bad. Washington is lucky to be where they are. Kirk Cousins got way too riled up after a comeback victory over Tampa Bay. He's a terrible NFL QB, but who else do they have? Their defense is not very good either. Basically, they got very lucky three times and that luck is going to run out. The Cowboys have been plagued by injury and stupidity. Tony Romo and Dez Bryant missed multiple games. Joseph Randle is facing punishment for drugs and they're now starting Darren McFadden. Greg Hardy is a lunatic and doesn't belong in the league. And Jerry Jones, boy is he going nuts. The Cowboys may be the best team in this division, but that's not saying much and they are too far behind at 2-5 to win this division. The Giants will win the division and they will probably do it with only 8 wins. The NFC North is led by my beloved Packers at 6-1. They've looked pretty bad on offense the past couple of weeks though and the Broncos just throttled them on Sunday night. They'll fix what ails them, but they need a quick fix. They also need to use Eddie Lacy more, if he's healthy. The Vikings are playing pretty well, with a 5-2 record. But, let us not forget why their star player, Adrian Peterson, was out all of last season for beating a child. Announcers seem to have forgotten this, but I haven't. He's a monster. The Vikings are winning with good defense and the emergence of rookie receiver Stefon Diggs and smart QB play from Teddy Bridgewater, not child abuser Adrian Peterson. The Bears and Lions are equally bad. The Bears are 2-5 and as long as they have Jay Cutler at QB, they'll continue to be mediocre. The Lions are a dreadful 1-7 and they can't catch a break. They're also poorly coached and Matt Stafford is not a franchise QB, he's barely a starting QB. Calvin Johnson deserves better than this. The Packers will win this division. The NFC South has been surprisingly decent. The Panthers are 7-0 and playing awesome defense and Cam Newton is playing fantastic football. They also have a really good run game. The Falcons are 6-2, but they're not that impressive, save for Julio Jones and Devonta Freeman. Those are the catalysts of this team, not Matt Ryan. He's been erratic all season. The defense is serviceable. The Saints are 4-4 and Drew Brees is beginning to look like his old self, but he doesn't have any real weapons. Mark Ingram has been solid, but he's not a star and Ben Watson has been playing good at tight end, but that's it. And their defense, woof, they're bad. The Buccaneers round out this division at 3-4. They've played better than I thought they would and while Jameis Winston has looked bad at times, he's had his moments and Doug Martin may be turning his career around. But, they are still a bad team led by a rookie QB. Carolina will win this division. The NFC West has been as competitive as I thought it would be. The Cardinals lead it with a 6-2 record. Carson Palmer has been lights out and so has Larry Fitzgerald and Chris Johnson. They have a potent offense. Their defense is still really good too. Barring injury, this team should be considered a legit contender. The Rams are 4-3 and they look good one week, but bad the next. The emergence of Todd Gurley should definitely help this team out. He's been awesome. And their defense is still one of the league's best. The Seahawks are 4-4 and they've looked very unimpressive. Russell Wilson is not living up to the contract he got. Marshawn Lynch can't stay healthy and they don't know how to use Jimmy Graham. He's the best tight end in football, save for Rob Gronkowski, and he's only getting 4 or 5 targets a game. Their defense is giving up fourth quarter leads as well. They do not look like the "dynasty" that a lot of people predicted them to be. The 49ers are a total mess. They're benching Kaepernick in favor of Blaine Gabbert. WTF! He's a terrible pro. They have no running game, they traded away Vernon Davis and they can't get the ball to Torrey Smith or Anquan Boldin. Their defense is okay, but when you're on the field for 45 minutes of a 60 minute game, you get tired and when you get tired, you give up points. The 49ers stink. Cardinals win this division. So the NFC playoff teams will be division winners, New York Giants, Green Bay, Carolina and Arizona. The two wild Cards will be Minnesota and Saint Louis. This means I was wrong about the Eagles and the Seahawks. Neither will make the playoffs. I'm torn between Arizona and Green Bay, but Arizona will suffer some kind of injury and the Packers will figure out their offensive problem and they will win the NFC.

So, that gives us a Green Bay and New England Super Bowl. I'm going to stick with the Packers. They're the one team that can beat the Patriots. As far as the awards go, I was wrong on almost all of these. First of all, the MVP is Tom Brady. He's torching this league and he's on a mission. I picked Aaron Rodgers, but he's struggled lately and Tom Brady has not. Brady will also win offensive player of the year. Defensive player of the year will be Charles Woodson, not Ndomakong Suh. Woodson is still playing at an elite level and he makes the Raiders a real threat. Winning this will put him in the conversation as greatest defensive back of all time. Coach of the year is still Jeff Fisher in my opinion. He'll lead this team to a Wild Card spot and that alone gives him the award. I picked Melvin Gordon as offensive rookie of the year. He's been not so good mid way through the season. However, Todd Gurley looks to be a beast. He's setting records and rushing for a lot of yards on a good Rams team. Gurley is, hands down, the offensive rookie of the year. I picked Bud Dupree as defensive rookie of the year, but he has just blended in with the Steeler defense, he hasn't really stood out. Marcus Peters, however, has been a pretty good cornerback for the Chiefs from day one. He's my pick for defensive rookie of the year.

So, there you have it, my mid way NFL picks, Some are the same, some are different. Tell me why I'm wrong and give me your picks in the comment section.

Thanks

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. He thinks Tom Brady is over inflating footballs just to screw with the NFL. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik

Ty's NFL Preview 2015: AFC

Ty is set to watch some NFL foot... wait, why the hell is his drink green?

Ed Note: We will break Ty's NFL preview up into three parts. Today we give you the AFC, tomorrow the NFC, and then the Super Bowl and awards.

On the heels of my 2015 college football preview, I'll be doing my first annual, "Ty's NFL Preview".

Much in the same vain as the college preview, I'll pick division winners, two wild cards from each conference, the teams that will play in the conference championship games, the Super Bowl winner and the offensive and defensive players of the year. Hell, I'll even throw in my pick for coach of the year and offensive and defensive rookies of the year. No preseason bull shit, because, just like the preseason poll in college football, preseason in the NFL doesn't mean anything to anyone that's watching. Preseason is more for players trying to make teams. And, no matter how terrible of a commissioner Roger Goodell is, I've mentioned how bad he is many times on the site, NFL football is the most popular sport in America and I love it just as much as any other fan out there.

So, let's get started. First, I'll break down the AFC. I'll start with the AFC East. The AFC East consists of the Buffalo Bills, Miami Dolphins, New York Jets and defending super bowl champs, the New England Patriots. The Bills had a pretty wild offseason. First, their former coach, Doug Marrone, quit out of nowhere, He led this team to 9 wins last season, with no decent QB, and just up and quit. It made no sense to me. So, the Bills hired Rex Ryan after he was fired by the Jets. I don't like this hire because I don't think Rex Ryan is a good head coach. He knows a lot about defense, but basically doesn't care or seem to know anything about offense. They also traded a linebacker, Kiko Alonso, to the Eagles for one of the top running backs in the league in LeSean McCoy. He didn't want to sign long term, but eventually did. They also signed supreme douchebag, Richie Incognito one year after his suspension for bullying. Like I said, a bizarre offseason. The Bills, I think, will look like the same team they did last season. They'll have a good running game, a good defense and no passing game whatsoever. They have no capable QB's on their roster and, with the exception of Sammy Watkins, no threats at receiver. I say 8 or 9 wins for the Bills. The Miami Dolphins made the biggest splash in free agency by bringing in Ndomakong Suh. They gave him a HUGE contract, but the guy is the best interior defensive lineman in the league. On offense they will look much the same, led by Ryan Tannehill at quarterback. They seem like a team on the rise and I think they're New England's biggest threat in the East. They could easily win 10,11 or even 12 games this year and possibly win the division. The New York Jets are a complete mess. First of all, their best defensive player, Sheldon Richardson, decided to drive his car 143 mph on the highway, and to top it off, he had guns in that car. He may never play football again. Next, a back up linebacker sucker punched starting QB Geno Smith in the jaw over what appears to be a $600 debt and he's out, at least 6-10 weeks. They have no real running game, the QB situation will be taken over by Ryan Fitzpatrick, and their defense, while solid, is only getting older, and they don't have Richardson clogging up the middle. I'd be surprised if they won 6 games this year. This brings me to the defending champions, New England Patriots. They've had an odd offseason as well. The main thing being the stupid non story of "deflategate". Another huge error in judgement from the moronic Roger Goodell. Tom Brady is supposed to miss the first four games of the season, we'll see if that holds up, and I think this will hurt the Patriots more than most. Jimmy Garroppolo may be good in a few years, but he's not ready. The Patriots do have a good running game and you can line up Rob Gronkowski against almost anyone and I'd take him, but their defense is suspect and can lose games for them. Darelle Revis also left to sign with the Jets this offseason, and that will sting. I still see the Patriots winning 10 or 11 games if Brady only misses 1 or 2 games. If he misses all four, they're more like an 8 or 9 win team to me. For that reason alone, I'm picking the Miami Dolphins to win the AFC East.

Next, The AFC North. In the North we have, the Baltimore Ravens, Pittsburgh Steelers, Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns. The Ravens are a decent football team. They have a great defense, they always do, and are led on offense by Joe Flacco. That's a good and a bad thing. When he's good, he can be great, but when he's bad, he's really bad. One week he will throw for 350 yards and five touchdowns, but the next week, he'll go for less than 100 yards and 3 or 4 interceptions. But, the Ravens find ways to win 10 games every year and I don't see that changing this season. The Pittsburgh Steelers have to deal with a suspension to running back LeVeon Bell, only two games, but it will still hurt. They still have Ben Roesthliberger at QB, but he's old and, while never the fastest guy out there, seems to get slower every season. Antonio Brown is a great receiver, one of the best in the league, and will stretch the field on defenses all season. The Steelers should be good for 9 to 11 wins this season. The Cincinnati Bengals are a very predictable team. They will look very good at times. Andy Dalton will be a decent QB, but make his typical mistakes. AJ Green is an electric receiver and catches some of the worst throws in the NFL and Giovanni Bernard is going to be a star. Their defense is worrisome. They got older and their big off season acquisition of AJ Hawk doesn't make them any better. He's old and the rest of that defense is getting older. They will be good for 10 or 11 wins and probably crap out in the first round of the playoffs again. Last, and certainly least, is the Cleveland Browns. They're a joke of a franchise and be it Johnny Manziel(please God no!) or Josh McCown at QB, it doesn't matter, the Browns stink. They have no receivers, no real running game, and stink on defense. If they win 5 games I will be shocked. This division will be tough, minus the Browns, but this seems to be Pittsburgh's last shot and I think they win 11 games and the division.

Next we have the AFC South. This is a division with one, maybe two real teams, but really, the South is owned by the Indianapolis Colts. Their only real threat in the Houston Texans, and that's a reach. There's also the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Tennessee Titans. The Jaguars upgraded their offense by signing Julius Thomas, but Blake Bortles needs at least one more season to get his feet wet and the defense isn't ready yet. It will be another 4 or 5 win season for the Jaguars. The Titans are being led by a rookie QB in Marcus Mariota, and while he may be good, when your team is being led by a rookie, with no weapons on offense around him, it's going to be a long, tough season. Their defense is pretty awful as well. They'd be lucky to win 3 or 4 games this year. The Texans have one of the best defenses in the league, led by all world defensive end JJ Watt. They are pretty stout on the line, have good linebackers and a pretty decent secondary. Offense is where the problem lies. They do have a good running back in Arian Foster, when he's not hurt, and a great up and coming receiver in DeAndre Hopkins, but who's going to be the QB? Ryan Mallet or Brian Hoyer are the two choices, and I don't think either of them have played, or are good enough to win in this league. The Texans will be better, but anything more than 9 wins would be surprising. The Colts are the class of the division. They have an explosive offense led by Andrew Luck. They have receivers like TY Hilton and signed Andre Johnson this offseason. They do a running back by committee, but this is a passing offense. Their defense is bend, but don't break and they play it very well. The Colts will win 12 games easily this season and win the AFC South running away.

The final division  is the AFC West. This is another two team division, but can anybody really beat the Denver Broncos. Their only competition will be the San Diego Chargers. The Chargers drafted Melvin Gordon this draft and he will be a big upgrade for them at the running back position. They just locked down Phillip Rivers to a long term deal and he is a great QB in this league. Their defense in just okay. They will win at least 10 games this season, but the 4 game suspension to Antonio Gates will hurt their passing game. The Broncos are led by Peyton Manning. He's one of the best QB's of all time and he continues to churn out 4,000 yard and 35 touchdown seasons. Montee Ball should bounce back after an injury plagued, subpar season. While they lost Julius Thomas, they still have Demayrius Thomas and a bunch of other great receivers. The defense is led by Von Miller, and they are stout in all three phases of defense. Hiring Gary Kubiak won't change this team much at all. They should be a 12 or 13 win team again. The other two teams in the division are the Kansas City Chiefs and the Oakland Raiders. The Chiefs are competitive, but they are pretty stale. Alex Smith is not a great QB, they don't score with their passing game, and there's only so much Jamal Charles can do. Their defense is okay, but not great. 8 or 9 wins is their best possible outcome. The Raiders are still a joke, but they seem like they're trying to get better. Derek Carr could still be a good QB and drafting Amari Cooper and signing Michael Crabtree will help. The running game is still a work in progress. The defense is not that good and that will keep them back. But, linebacker Khalil Mack is going to be a star in this league. 5 or 6 wins would be a good season for the Raiders. The Broncos will continue to win this conference as long as Peyton Manning is the QB.

So, the four division winners, the Dolphins, the Steelers, the Colts and the Broncos will all be in the playoffs and the two wild cards will be, the Chargers and the Patriots. The Bengals and Ravens will get shut out. The Colts and Broncos will have the first round byes. The Chargers will beat the Dolphins and the Steelers will beat the Patriots. In the next round, The Colts will beat the Chargers and the Broncos will beat the Steelers. In the AFC Championship, the Colts will beat the Broncos and find themselves in the Super Bowl.

Come back tomorrow for some NFC action.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and co-host of the X Millennial Man podcast. Is he going to pick Green bay for the NFC, I think he is going to pick Green Bay. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.